Tenth Doctor quotes from Doctor Who

I shall be taking you to Old London town in the country of UK, ruled over by Good King Wenceslas. Now, human beings worship the great god Santa, a creature with fearsome claws and his wife Mary. And every Christmas Eve, the people of UK go to war with the country of Turkey. They then eat the Turkey people for Christmas dinner, like savages.

'Scuse me? [Mr. Copper looks at him.] Sorry, sorry, but, um... where did you get all this from?

Well, I have a First Class Degree in Earthonomics.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Security protocol one! Do you hear me? One! One-ah! [The Hosts pause their attack.] OK. That gives me three questions. Three questions to save my life, am I right?

Information: Correct.

No, that wasn't one of them! I didn't mean it! That's not fair! Can I start again?

Information: No.

No! No, no, no, no! That wasn't a question either! Blimey... One question left. One question. All right. So. You've been given orders to kill the survivors but survivors; therefore, must be passengers or staff. But not me. I'm not a passenger, I'm not staff. Go ahead, scan me. [The Hosts do so.] You must have bio-records. No such person on board. I don't exist. Therefore, you can't kill me. Therefore, I'm a stowaway; and stowaways should be arrested and taken to the nearest figure of authority. And I reckon... the nearest figure of authority... is on deck 31. Final question - am I right?

Information: Correct.

Brilliant. Take me to your leader. [excitedly] I've always wanted to say that!

Oh, yes! No... yes! The business isn't failing, it's failed. Past tense.

My own board voted me out. Stabbed me in the back!

If you had a back. So, you scupper the ship, wipe out any survivors, just in case anyone's rumbled you, and the board find their shares halved in value. Oh, but that's not enough. No. Because if a Max Capricorn ship hits the Earth, it destroys an entire planet. Outrage back home! Scandal! The business is wiped out.

[with smug relish] And... the whole board thrown in jail for mass murder!

While you sit there, safe inside the impact chamber.

I have men waiting to retrieve me from the ruins, and enough off-world accounts to retire me to the beaches of Penhaxico Two, where the ladies, so I'm told, are very fond of... [glances downward for a moment] metal.

[incredulous and outraged] So that's the plan. A retirement plan. Two thousand people on this ship, six billion underneath us, all of them slaughtered, and why?! Because Max Capricorn is a loser!

I never lose!

You can't even sink the Titanic!

[mouthing] Donna?

[also mouthing] Doctor!

Wha... Wha... What?

Oh! My! God!

How?

[pointing at herself] It's me!

I can see that!

Oh this is brilliant!

What the hell are you doing there?

You! I was looking for you!

What for?!

[miming in a surreal sense while the Doctor looks more and more confused] I was reading... on the internet. This place is weird. Crept along... Heard them talking. [She mimes peeking through the window] You! [Donna gestures and looks toward Miss Foster, who is staring at her]

[out loud] Are we interrupting you?

[mouthing] Run!

Seeding a level five planet is against galactic law.

Are you threatening me?

I'm trying to help you, Matron. This is your one chance, because if you don't call this off, then I'll have to stop you.

I hardly think you can stop bullets.

No, hold on! Hold on! Hold on! One more thing, before, dying. Do you know what happens when you hold two identical sonic devices against each other?

No.

Well then, let's find out! [He points the two devices against each other and activates them, resulting in a loud and irritating noise.]

[in disbelief] I'm waving at fat...

Actually, as a diet plan, it sort of works. [sees "Miss Foster" also being beamed up] There she is! Matron Cofelia, listen to me!

Oh, I don't think so, Doctor. And if I never see you again, it'll be too soon.

[exasperated] Oh, why does no one ever listen?! I'm trying to help! Just get across to the roof! Can you shift the levitation beam?

What? So that you can arrest me?

Just listen! I saw the Adiposian instructions - they know it's a crime, breeding on Earth. So what's the one thing they want to get rid of? Their accomplice!

[smugly] I'm far more than that. I'm nanny, to all these children.

Exactly! Mum and Dad have got the kids now, they don't need the nanny anymore!

[still tied to her chair] Oi! You two, you're just mad! Do you hear me?! Mad! And I'm going to report you for... madness! [storms off]

[shaking her head] You see, some people just can't take it.

Nope.

And some people can. [looks at him, beaming] So, then! TARDIS! Come on!

With Martha, like I said, it got... complicated. And that was all my fault. I just want a mate.

You just want to mate?!

I just want a mate!

You're not mating with me, sunshine!

A mate! I want A mate!

Well, just as well, cos I'm not having any of that nonsense! You're just a long streak of nothing! Alien nothing!

Who are you?

I am...Spartacus.

And so am I.

Mr. and Mrs. Spartacus?

Oh, no-no-no-no-no, we're not married.

Oh, brother and sister? Yes, of course, you look very much alike.

[together] Really?!

This prattling voice will cease forever!

[sardonically] Oh, that'll be the day.

No man is allowed to enter the Temple of Sybil!

Oh that's all right. [mocking] Just us girls. You know, I met the Sybil once. Hell of a woman! Blimey, she could dance a tarantella! Nice teeth... Truth be told, I think she had a bit of a thing for me. I said it would never last, she said "I know". Well, she would. [to Donna, who is still tied to the altar.] You all right there?

[sarcastic] Oh, never better.

I like the toga.

Thank you. And the ropes?

Eh, not so much.

[discussing the earthquake of AD 62] After the great earthquake seventeen years ago... An awful lot of damage, but we rebuilt.

Didn't you think of moving away? On, no, then again, San Francisco.

That's a new restaurant in Naples, isn't it?

There is nowhere to run, Doctor, and daughter of London!

Now then, Lucius, my Lords Pyrovillian! Don't get yourselves in a lather! [pauses] In a "lava"? No? No... But if I might beg the wisdom of the gods before we perish? Once this new race of creatures is complete, then what?

My masters will follow the example of Rome itself! An almighty empire, bestriding the whole of civilisation!

But if you've crashed, and you've got all this technology, why don't you just go home?!

The Heaven of Pyrovillia is gone.

What do you mean "gone", where's it gone?

It was taken! Pyrovillia is lost. But there is heat enough in this world for a new species to rise.

Yeah, I should warn you, it's 70% water out there--

Water can boil! And everything will burn, Doctor!

Then the whole planet is at stake - thank you, that's all I needed to know.

But if there's aliens setting off the volcano, doesn't that make it all right? For you to stop it?

Still part of history.

Well, I'm history to you. You saved me in 2008, you saved us all. Why's that different?

Some things are fixed, some things are in flux. Pompeii is fixed.

How do you know which is which?

'Cause that's how I see the universe. Every waking second, I can see what is, what was, what could be, what must not. That's the burden of a Time Lord, Donna. And I'm the only one left.

You've got to go back! Doctor, I am telling you, take this thing BACK! It's not fair!

That's just it. Don't you see, Donna? Can't you understand? If I could go back and save them, then I would, but I can't! I can never go back. I just can't.

The Ood were nothing without us -- just animals roaming around on the ice.

That's because you can't hear them.

They welcomed it! It's not as if they put up a fight!

You idiot. They're born with their brains in their hands! Don't you see? That makes them peaceful! They've got to be, because a creature like that would have to trust anyone it meets!

Ooh, nice one.

Thank you.