Eleventh Doctor quotes from Doctor Who

There's someone missing. Someone important, someone so, so important. Sorry everyone, but when I was a kid, I had an imaginary friend, the Raggedy Doctor, my Raggedy Doctor. But he wasn't imaginary, he was real. [shouting] I remember you! I remember! I brought the others back; I can bring you home too! Raggedy man, I remember you, and you are late for my wedding! [As Amy remembers, the Doctor and the TARDIS starts to materialise in the room] I found you. I found you in words just like you knew I would. That's why you told me the story, the brand new, ancient blue box. Oh clever, very clever.

Amy, what is it?

Something old. Something new. Something borrowed. Something blue.

[In the background] It's the Doctor! How could we forget the Doctor? I was plastic! He was the stripper at my stag do!

Okay Doctor, did I surprise you this time?

Er, yeah. Completely astonished. Never expected that. [steps out of the TARDIS wearing a tuxedo] How lucky I happen to be wearing this old thing. Hello, everyone! I'm Amy's imaginary friend! But I came anyway.

You absolutely, definitely may kiss the bride—

Amelia, from now on, I shall be leaving the... kissing duties to the brand new... Mr. Pond!

No! I'm not Mr. Pond. That's not how it works.

Yeah it is.

[looks at Amy and nods] Yeah, it is.

Ah, yes, blimey, sorry. Christmas eve on a rooftop, I saw a chimney... my whole brain just went... “What the hell?” Don’t worry. The fat fella will be doing the rounds later. I’m just scoping out the general... chimney-ness. Yes. Nice size. Good traction. Big tick.

Fat fella?

Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or, as I’ve always known him, Jeff.

[Pointing to frozen Abigail Pettigrew] Who's she?

Nobody important.

Nobody important? Blimey, that's amazing. You know, that in nine hundred years of time and space, and I've never met anybody who wasn't important before.

Hi, I'm the Doctor. I'm your new babysitter!

Where's Mrs. Mantebarney?

Oh, you'll never guess, clever ol' Mrs. Manters! She only went and won the lottery!

[watching on a projector] There isn't any lottery!

There isn't any lottery.

I know! What a woman!

If you're my new babysitter, why are you climbing in the window?

Because if I was climbing out of the window, I'd be going in the wrong direction. Pay attention.

Right, so what are we gonna do? Eat crisps and talk about girls? I've never done that, but I bet it's easy. Girls, yeah? [gestures excitedly]

Are you really a babysitter?

I think you'll find that I'm universally recognized as a mature and responsible adult. [shows him the psychic paper]

...It's just a lot of wavy lines.

[looks at the paper] ...Yeah, it shorted out. Finally, a lie too big. Okay, no, not really a babysitter, but this Christmas Eve, you don't want a real one. You want me.

Why? What's so special about you?

Have you ever seen Mary Poppins?

No.

Good, because that comparison would have been rubbish.

Why are you here?

Because I'm not finished with you yet. You've seen the past, the present... and now you need to see the future.

Fine, do it. Show me. I'll die cold, alone, and afraid. Of course I will. We all do. What difference does showing me make? Do you know why I'm going to let those people die? It's not a plan. I don't get anything from it. It's just that I don't care. I'm not like you. I don't even want to be like you! I don't – and never, ever will – care!

And I don't believe that.

Then show me the future. Prove me wrong.

I am showing it to you. I'm showing it to you right now. So what do you think? [looks over Kazran's shoulder] Is this who you want to become, Kazran?

...Dad?

I'm being extremely clever up here and there's no one to stand around looking impressed! What's the point in having you all?

Couldn't you just slap him sometimes?

But... who are they and... what is that box?

It’s a police box. Can't you read? I'm your new undercover agent on loan from Scotland Yard. Codename: The Doctor. These are my top operatives: [indicates Amy, Rory, and River in turn] The Legs, The Nose, and Mrs. Robinson.

I hate you.

No, you don't.

I'm going to need a SWAT team ready to mobilise, street-level maps covering all of Florida, a pot of coffee, twelve Jammie Dodgers, and a fez.

Get him his maps.

Dr. Song, you've got that face on again.

What face?

The he's-hot-when-he's-clever face.

This is my normal face.

Yes, it is.

Oh, shut up!

Not a chance.

Be careful!

Careful. Tried that once. Ever so dull.

Shout if you get in trouble.

Don’t worry, I’m quite the screamer. [Climbs into the tunnel.] Now there's a spoiler for you!

So, what’s going on here?

Er... Nothing. She’s just a friend.

I think he's talking about the possible alien incursion.

Oh, this is my friend River. Nice hair, clever, and has her own gun. And unlike me, she really doesn't mind shooting people. I shouldn't like that. Kinda do, a bit.

Thank you, sweetie.

I know you're team players and everything, but she'll definitely kill the first three of you.

Oh, the first seven, easy.

Seven, really?

Oh, eight for you, honey.

Stop it!

Make me!

Oh, maybe I will!

[tied to a chair] Is this really important flirting? 'Cause I feel like I should be higher on the list right now!

Guys? Sorry, but you're way out of time. Now, come on, a bit of history for you. Aren't you proud, 'cause you helped! Do you know how many people are watching this live on the telly? Half a billion and that's nothing, because the human race will spread out among the stars. You just watch them fly. Billions and billions of them for billions and billions of years and every single one of them, at some point in their lives, will look back at this man taking that very first step and they will never ever forget it. Oh, but they'll forget this bit. [on the phone] Ready?

Ready. [presses Amy's phone to a transmitter, which activates a receiver in the lunar module]

That's one small step for a man...

[repeatedly] You should kill us all on sight.

[overlaying shots of humanity rising up against the Silence] You've given the order for your own execution and the whole planet just heard you.

...one giant leap for mankind.

And one whacking great kick up the backside for the Silence! You just raised an army against yourself! And now, for a thousand generations, you'll be ordering them to destroy you every day. How fast can you run? Because today's the day the human race throw you off their planet. They won't even know they're doing it. I think, quite possibly, the word you're looking for right now is "Oops". Run! Guys, I mean us! Run!

Don't let them build to full power!

I know! There's a reason why I'm shooting, honey! What are you doing?

Helping!

You've got a screwdriver, go build a cabinet!

That's really rude!

Shut up and drive!

So we're safe again!

Safe? No! Of course you're not safe! There's about a billion other things out there just waiting to burn your whole world, but if you want to pretend you're safe just so you can sleep at night, then, OK, you're safe. But you're not really.