Al Swearengen quotes from Deadwood

Seth

Charlie Utter thinks it has to come to blood.

Al

Charlie Utter's likely right.

Seth

And if it has to, that we should strike first.

Al

Believe me, even now in the forest the blade would be between my teeth; me and you making our way stealthily forward. And as to us and him, if blood's what it finally comes to, 100 years from now the forest is what they'll find here. Dewy morning's lost its appeal for me. I prefer to wake indoors. Dan! You don't travel tonight! Need of canned peaches, Johnny. Let's collect the camp elders. Be baffled among friends, huh?

Blazanov

Fuck confidentiality of communication.

Al Swearengen

Why not fuck a woman instead?

Blazanov

Hope to, eventually.

A.W. Merrick

[Reading a letter written by Sheriff Bullock] "It becomes my painful duty to inform you that Pasco Carwen was killed earlier this week. His body was found in the road. It was not mutilated in any way. His death seems to have been instantaneous as he was stabbed through the heart. Pasco's funeral occurred today and was attended by coworkers and friends who all shared the same high opinion of him. Everything was done by kind hands that was possible under the circumstances, and a Christian burial was given him. I was not personally acquainted with Mr. Carwen, save for one encounter where he demonstrated grief and deep compassion at the passing of a friend. I knew him by reputation as an earnest worker and a diligent believer in right and wrong. His memory I am sure will always be with those who knew and loved him, among whose number I imagine you as first. A letter from you, which I found in his tent, causes me to convey this sad intelligence to you." [Pause] What shall I do with this, Mr. Bullock?

Al Swearengen

What the fuck is your paper for? You publish that letter, as witness!

Blazanov

[Reading a telegram for Hearst about an order for 25 "bricks"] Do you believe, Mr. Swearengen, Mr. Hearst orders more bricks?

Al Swearengen

No. What do you believe?

Blazanov

I believe he orders more humans --

A.W. Merrick

Reinforcements.

Blazanov

[Angrily thumps the table] To do harm! [Gestures to Merrick] As we saw on our walk! Leave to die in a country strange to them, men apart from their families, working to give them support! Fuck confidentiality of communications!

Al Swearengen

Why not fuck a woman instead?

Blazanov

I hope so, eventually.

Al Swearengen

Tell E.B. nothing.

I'll just keep quiet.

Al Swearengen

No. Tell E.B. nothing's going on and then tell him, "If I wanted to tell you anything, I'd have told you. Don't send the imbecile over with no more notes."

I can't remember all that.

Al Swearengen

Can you remember "Nothing's going on"?

Yes.

Al Swearengen

Tell him that, then.

Al Swearengen

How well do you know the other guy?

Who would that be?

Al Swearengen

That my man Dority killed. The Captain.

We served in the 69th in New York.

Al Swearengen

Was that a mick regiment?

Yeah. What were you doing?

Al Swearengen

Cutting throats.

I was asking whose flag you were under.

Al Swearengen

The famous cocksuckers brigade.

Is that so?

Al Swearengen

Command of the all-whore detachment. Distress you, when my man downed your friend?

Let me tell you something, Mr. Swearengen. You don't scare me, and you don't fucking know what happened with the 69th New York. I will tell you this: I didn't like what happened to Joe Turner. Mr. Hearst came to him and said, "Make it last, even if you gain the upper hand and can kill him." And I think that was halfway selfish of Mr. Hearst, whereas Joe could have killed your man and didn't, and look how it wound up. But that's as much as I feel like saying, and that's neither here nor fucking there.

Al Swearengen

[reading a telegram from Hawkeye] "23 men hired, all on our way." This squaw-fuckin' idiot. Proves in eight words he's incompetent and a fuckin' liar. He can't have got Adams' telegram more than four hours ago, yet he expects me to believe that in four hours he can prudently assess the qualities of 23 hires. And you know what "on our way" means, huh?

Blazanov

No.

Al Swearengen

"On our way" means they're getting drunk and blown in some saloon in Cheyenne and running their mouths about the big fuckin' filibustering expedition they're being commissioned for under the command of the famous Hawkeye; the laziest, most shit-faced whore-mongering cocksucker to ever piss my money away!

Johnny Burns

Referring to Jen, who was murdered in place of Trixie] Did she suffer?

Al Swearengen

I was gentle as I was able, and that's the last we'll fuckin' speak of it. [Johnny wanders off] Wants me to tell him somethin' pretty.