Look, I don't know anything about a pig and I was nowhere near the boys' bathroom at the time!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[to Hammerhead] After Mom and Dad died, Grandpa was the only family I had in the whole world. But since he's been gone, I've made lots of friends here, so it's not so bad. [sighs] Until adoption day. Seems like I'm always saying good-bye... to someone. You know, I'm not a problem child! Grandpa said I just have a lot of spirit. He says when you're full of spirit, everyone else looks empty. Someday I'll meet somebody who understands that. Then I'll be adopted.
[Darkwing is trying to find a place besides his hideout for Gosalyn to stay.]
Where's my phonebook? I'll just find you a hotel or something. [under breath] Maybe the animal shelter has an opening.
Well, I suppose I could leave, but then I might let it slip where a certain masked avenger hangs out.
You wouldn't!
[shrugs] Hey, I'm a kid, I'm supposed to be irresponsible
[After Taurus Bulba bursts out of jail in a giant airship shaped like his head]
WWarden
Guess they been makin' more than license plates.
A desperate criminal is at large, and terror runs through the streets like a pair of cheap stockings! But it's hopeless! No one gets the drop on Dark-
[drops on top of Darkwing] Gosalyn Waddlemeyer! Boy, Darkwing, you gotta work on your narration. They write better stuff on Saturday morning cartoons.
Oh yeah? Well, how's this? [flips Gosalyn upside down] In a lightning move, Darkwing turns the tables-
[Gosalyn starts tickling him.]
-on the t-tiny t-terror... will you stop that! That's no fair tickling...
How come you wear a mask?
Because... there is nothing so terrifying to the criminal mind as the unknown... I am the thing that goes bump in the night! I am the neurosis that requires a five-hundred-dollar-an-hour shrink!
You mean you don't take off your mask for anyone?
That's right. Not no one, not never.
What about a really, really, really close friend? [bats eyelashes]
Well, uh... maybe. Someday.
Hey, it's a start.
What is a Waddlemeyer Ramrod anyway?
[recites] It's a trackiospecific device that disrupts gravitational bonds on a molecular level allowing manipulation on a macro scale.
What does that mean?
I dunno. I think it makes things float and stuff. [pulls out a photo] Here's a picture. That's Grandpa.
Looks like you two were close.
[sadly] We were. [crosses arms] But he never told me any code!
Unfortunately, Taurus Bulba doesn't know that. His men will be searching for you, you know. [chuckles] Although if they knew how much spirit you have, they'd probably run the other way.
Spirit? [kisses Darkwing's cheek] Thanks, Darkwing!
Uh, sure... Good night, Gosalyn.
[ten seconds after going to bed] I can't sleep!
Aw, you just need something to relax you. I know I have a large mallet around here somewhere.
This has the suspicious ring of reverse psychology to it. [sighs] But have it your way.
[hearing Gosalyn's snore] This kid could wake Elvis...
Somewhere down there is this Darkwing Duck. I've watched him. I know his weakness. His posing, his flamboyance, the mask and cape! Ha, ha! That hat! It all indicates an ego the size of a small planet!
[Taurus Bulba is sending Darkwing a message in coded message from his airship.]
But boss, what if he doesn't know morse code?
[laughs] That do-gooder? He probably sleeps with the Boy Scout handbook under his pillow.
[In Darkwing Tower, Darkwing pulls the Boy Scout handbook out from under his pillow]
Phew! Sure glad I saved this baby!
I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the jailer who throws away the key! I AM- [notices he is alone] feeling really stupid. Boy I hate it when I'm early. You'd think criminal masterminds would be more punctual.
Please accept my apologies.
Okay, but next time, you'd- Taurus Bulba! How did you-where'd... Er, I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am... I am the sup-surprise in your cereal box. I am, I am...
Yes, yes, I know. I heard. You're Darkwing Duck.
Eat fiber, horn head!
[to Taurus Bulba] Darkwing Duck is gonna crush you like a stale corn chip!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Darkwing Duck pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.