Dad's Army Season 1 quotes

A man in my position can't be seen fighting a dragon in cardboard armour!

I don't think Frazer suspected I was referring particulary to him, do you?

Oh no sir. No, not at all, no. But I must say when you said the word "gold", I did just notice that he jumped every so slightly out of his skin.

Well, I'm quite sure he had no inkling that I really knew.

Oh, no sir. No, no, no. Not at all, no.

Come in... Yes Frazer.

Captain Mainwaring, there's just one thing I want to say to you. If you think you are going to get your hands on my gold, you can think again. I don't trust banks, I don't trust bankers and I don't trust you. That's all I want to say. Thank you.

It's a brick! It's a damn brick.

Aye! It's a brick! And yon vicar can have it for the fabric of his kirk. [he gestures to himself] I'm hangin' onto my money. You're not gonna put your hands on it at all. [as he leaves] You're not gonna have my gold. You're not gonna have my gold.

Hello, what are you lot doing here?

In case you'd forgotten, there's an invasion alert on.

Haven't you heard? It was a false alarm. We got the stand-down half an hour ago.

So Hitler won't be joining us tonight then?

No. It's just as well with you lot guarding us. [Laughs]

What does that mean?

Well, I mean, look at you. What good would you be against real soldiers? [Sniggers] Oh, dear. They'd walk straight through you. Goodnight. [He leaves the pier]

Here, he has no business to...

All right, all right. Don't take any notice of him, men. [Turns to Jones] Here's to your future health. [Clings mugs with Jones]

Yes, here's to you, Jonesy.

Here, Jonesy.

Good luck to you.

Mr Mainwaring?

Hmm?

Warden wasn't right, was he, when he said the Nazis would walk straight through us?

Of course he wasn't right.

Well, I know one thing. They're not walking straight through me.

Nor me. I'll be beside you, Jonesy.

We'll all be beside you, Jonesy. We'll stick together. You can rely on that. Anybody tries to take our homes or our freedom away from us, they'll find out what we can do. We'll fight, and we're not alone. There are thousands of us all over England.

And Scotland.

And Scotland. All over Great Britain, in fact. Men who'll stand together when their country needs them.

'Scuse me, sir, don't you think it might be a nice idea if we were to pay our tribute to them?

For once, Wilson, I agree with you. To Britain's Home Guard. [Raises his mug]

[to the camera] To Britain's Home Guard. [They drink their mugs of champagne]