Don Flack quotes from CSI: NY

[Danny and Flack are at the basketball game talking about the guy winning $1 million] Never gonna happen!

Detective Danny Messer

Why, you think you could do it?

You're kidding me? Boom, nothing but net, baby!

Detective Danny Messer

Oh, I think he can do it!

No, he can't!

Detective Danny Messer

Wanna make a little wager?

$50 bucks?

Detective Danny Messer

I hate to take a colleague's money but for you, I'll be happy to make the exception! Come on!

[Danny and Flack are at the basketball game talking about the guy winning $1 million] Never gonna happen!

Danny

Why, you think you could do it?

You're kidding me? Boom, nothing but net, baby!

Danny

Oh.

[Drawing the name] Section 214, Row E, Seat 5.

That's me. [runs down to court.]

Hey, what's your name?

Dougan Scott.

You ready to take your shot for a million bucks, Dougan?

Oh yeah!

Alright New York fans, let's get ready to cheer on Dougan Scott for the $1 million shot.

Danny

Oh, I think he can do it!

No, he can't.

Danny

Wanna make a little wager?

50 bucks.

Danny

I hate to take a colleague's money but for you, I'll be happy to make the exception! Come on!

Stella

(outside the bank) Where's Mac?

With the body.

Stella

Oh, you gotta be kidding.

This ain't your everyday bank robbery, Stell. This guy made three demands. Unmarked police car, no press and somebody from Crime Scene.

Stella

He wanted one of us?

He swears he didn't kill the guy inside and he wants someone in there to prove he's not a murderer.

Stella

So Mac agreed to meet one of his demands?

In exchange for a hostage.

Stella

(about Gunman/Joe) Oh, this guy is smart. Now he's got a cop for insurance.

When did you start hiding behind Buddha?

Oh, my transition occurred when I stopped hiding.

Great. Then you won't mind telling us what you know about these two people.

I'm not familiar with these individuals.

No? 'Cause we're familiar with your tendency to go nuclear. And since these poor folks died of radiation poisoning, and one of them had your address in his pocket.

It was a free concert in the park by Maroon 5.

Stella

Must've been one hell of a show.

Our vic is Liza Carpenter. A first year Asian Studies major at Triborough College. Stumbled out in front of the crosstown bus as it was leaving the stop.

Mac

The bus didn't kill her. Look where it is in relation to the bus stop. What is that, ten feet?

Yeah, beanbags for crowd control. This place went from a sing-along to a slugfest in about 60 seconds. Come on, you’re not saying that one of our guys is gonna take the heat for this?

Mac

Not saying anything… yet.

Mac

Remember, nobody touches the body without a safety suit on.

Stella

Who are we looking at?

Our vic is Dante Gunther. He's the director of Killer Vacation, and he was set to receive a lifetime achievement award at tonight's horror film festival.

Stella

What is he, 20-something? A little early for lifetime achievement.

Mac

Looks a little late to me. Anyone see what happened.

No, the audience is so far below us, they couldn't see or hear anything. Publicit I spoke to said that Gunther was supposed to intro the film, but he showed up late. Then he started acting weird. He didn't remember his own name. He even started pulling out his own hair. So they finally rolled the picture, brought him up here to this VIP section, and a few minutes after that, he hit the red carpet.

Mac

Anyone make direct contact with him?

Negative. No moviegoers were allowed up here, and he arrived at the screening alone.

Stella

Tell you one thing, that's not the sound of applause we're hearing.

Adam

Ready for some Heavy Metal 101?

Rock on.

Homeland Security is talking to all the women passengers again. Let me ask you this, if one of them had sex with our vic, why kill a man over this?

Mac

Some black widow spiders are known for eating the male after they mate.

Well at least they go out with a smile on their face.

(about the pet leopard) Big house cat.

Terrence

You could say she puts this club on the map.

Not really into cats myself.

Terrence

Lemme guess, you're more K-9?

Danny

You're smarter than you look.

(sneezes as he and Danny enters a club) Either I'm allergic to half naked women, or there's a cat in here.

Detective Danny Messer

[pointing out a different scantily clad lady walking through the club with a leopard on a leash] There's a cat in here.

Lindsay Monroe

Wow. Okay. How weird was that? There's no way that one of these could replace a real woman!

Oh I don't know, Linds. They're not bad looking. Think of all the money your guy could save on dinner.

Lindsay Monroe

(suddenly upset) A doll?! I mean, I could understand if you dumped me for a real woman but a piece of plastic?! What does she have that I don't have, huh?

(to sidewalk-cafe customers) Forgive my wife. She's not well. (to Lindsay as the walk) Imma get you for that, Monroe. Big-time.

Danny

(childishly) Where's your girlfriend, Trev?

What girlfriend?

Danny

The rubber one.

(feigning offense) Danny! Silicone.

Danny

Oh yeah, right. Silicone.

Listen to me, somebody in your little entourage knows this guy, okay? We made a deal, you're a confidential informant and this little pow-wow that we're having is pay up time.

Terrence Davis

I'm aware of the deal we made, sorry I can't keep coming up with all the small change though, I'm beginning to smell like pork.