Codename: Kids Next Door · Season 1
Look at this list! We'll never get enough of these things to win! Might as well just quit now.
Hello? Has anybody seen Numbuh 1 around here? 'Cause this guy definitely isn't here.
Sure he is! Look, he's got the bald head, and the glasses...
...and he's talking about giving up! That's not the Nigel Uno Numbuh 5 knows!
Then who is it? Cause he looks like Numbuh 1 to me!
So that runt finished a couple of dumb missions. We've completed tons! We're practically veterinarians.
Veterans.
Yeah, that too.
Look. You know we can win the cake and have fun doing it! But even if we fail, there's going to be other missions! And as long as we're all together, that's all that matters. So who's with me? Five!
Four!
Three!
Two!
One! Thanks guys.
...And Numbuh 2...
Yes, sir!
Stir the ship, we're about to hit the mountain.
You DARE to challenge ME!
Bring it on, Limburger Lips!
ARGH! [both throw a little ball and tried to shoot it in one of the fishbowls, but failed]
Aw!
Boys and girls, we have an exclusive interview here, Numbuh 1, your team is in dead last. You've been spanked by Spankulot, yelled at by Numbuh 362, and embarrassed by her little brother.
[irritated] Is there a question in there?
Indeed there is. The world is dying to know: Will you go to Numbuh 363's funeral?
Huh? What'd you mean?
Haven't you heard? Numbuh 363 is going after the item worth the most points ever!
[dramatically] Father's pipe!
What are you doing here? Father is way out of your lead!
Don't touch me! Don't ever touch me! And if you think I'm letting you get to Father's pipe before I do, you're crazy!
We're not here for the pipe, kid!
Yeah, we're here to rescue your big, dumb squirrel teeth!
I don't need rescuing! Especially from a couple of hasbeens like you old farts!
Come here, you! [tries to attack Numbuh 363, but his team holds him back]
Look, why don't we all just get out of here before Father hears us?
Whose side are you on, Sonya?!
Everyone's! We're all supposed to be on the same team!
Fine! Go, then! I'll do this alone.
[Grabs Numbuh 363's shoulder] You've got a lot to learn about teamwork, 363.
[fired up] Don't... TOUCH ME!!!!!!!!!
[wakes up, in shock] Huh? What? WHAT?! Hey, who's there?!
Months later, when I became Supreme Commander of the KND, I had to order Numbuh 363's decommissioning! Not because he got too old, but because of his "freaking out!" whenever someone touched him!
In light-man's parliaments, he went 200% bananas. Reminds me of a fellow student botching a liver biopsy in my second year at med school at Harvard.
So, what happened next?
[wakes up after snoring] Well, suffice it to say, Father was not happy finding us in his house. [returns to the past]
[furiously] I AM NOT HAPPY FINDING YOU IN MY HOUSE!
Numbuh 363, are you all right?
[In pain, happily takes out the pipe] I won! [Holds up the pipe] I got the pipe!
[Shocked, she grabs Numbuh 363 by his shirt] Is that all you can think about?! Sector V just saved your life, and all you say is, "I won"?! [Takes the pipe from Numbuh 363] Give me that! [Drops Numbuh 363 on the floor]
[Numbuh 83 gives Numbuh 1 the pipe. Numbuh 1 takes it.]
Here, Numbuh 1. You deserve this more than us.
[Defeated] Nooo...!
[Shoves his yo-yo into Numbuh 363's mouth] Cork it, Harvey!
[Numbuh 83 places the keys in Numbuh 1's hand.]
Take our ship. It's got all our scavenger hunt stuff in it. If you hurry, you can catch up to those Delightful dorks and win this thing, for all the Kids Next Door.
Thanks, Sonia.
Looks like Father's coming back!
That's right, so get going, Numbuh 1! We'll hold him off!
No way! My place is with you, guys.
We'll take care of it, just go. And make sure you save us some cake when you win.
But what about-
[Angrily pushes Numbuh 1] Just go already! Hmph! Does that guy want a personalized invitation or something?!
So, Numbuh 1 went back to the amusement park, right?
Yep, for a one last battle with the Delightful Children. [laughs] Wait 'til you hear about it.
[The Delightful Children point the S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R. at Numbuh 1.]
It's over, Nigel Uno! You're finished! It's the end. Say it.
[refuses] No.
[impatiently furious] SAY IT! IT'S THE END! SAY IT!!!
[anxiously depressed] I...I can't.
WHY NOT?!
[A passing sign that says "Welcome to New Jersey" appears.]
Because... [bravely smiles] ...the Kids Next Door will NEVER end!
[As Numbuh 1 jumps up, the sign knocks Father's pipe out of the Delightful Children's hand. Numbuh 1 catches the pipe while grabbing the bottom of the sign, leaving the Delightful Children behind.]
[In defeat] NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! [They groan, then turn and notice that there is a gap in the ride] Huh?!
[The Delightful Children fall into a deep hole below as Numbuh 1 looks on.]
I always wondered how those guys went to the bathroom together.
[Numbuh 1 emerges from the debris holding the pipe.]
We have a winner: Numbuh 1 of Sector V!
[Numbuh 1 slowly stands up when he sees Numbuh 74.239 standing next to him.]
[Picking his nose] Congratulations, Numbuh 1. [Takes his finger out of his nose] We knew you would be victorious. [Holds out his hand]
Um, thanks? I think.
[Numbuh 1 takes Numbuh 74.239's hand. The booger on Numbuh 74.239's finger starts consuming both him and Numbuh 1.]
What the-? Hey! Let go! [Muffled screaming]
[Upon seeing the GKND spaceship.]
The cake. It's beautiful.
Oh, that's not the cake. [Takes out a small cupcake] This is. [Eats the cupcake] It's a bit small, but it might just be the best one yet.
But if that's the cake, then what's that? [Points up to the GKND spaceship]
A spaceship, of course. Now come on, we don't have much time.
Numbuh 74.239, will you please tell me what exactly is going on around here?!
Don't you get it yet? You've been chosen to join the Galactic Kids Next Door! Only one kid from every planet is picked, and you're it! You'll leave immediately.
Leave? But-- [The scientists arrive and start dressing him in a spacesuit] Wait! Where am I going?
Out there. You don't think Earth is the only place where adult tyranny needs to be fought, do you? Why, on some planets, children have 37 parents instead of just 2.
We need kids like you to help us learn about planets that have been infected!
Infected? By what?
By adulthood. The horrible truth Nigel, is that adulthood is a disease! Sweeping the universe in an alarming rate! Without galactic-level operatives, more and more planets where kids rule will fall. By joining us, you won't be saving a neighborhood, or even a planet from adult tyranny. You will be saving the universe.
I- I understand. Just tell me when I'll be back.
Back? Oh, you can't ever come back.
What? But what about my family? What about my friends?
Your friends can't ever know. I know it's hard, but earth people just aren't ready to know about the galactic fight against adulthood. If you honor what your friends are fighting for, you'll make that sacrifice. But, as for your family.
[Numbuh 74.239 extends his hand towards Monty Uno and Mrs. Uno, who are present.]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Codename: Kids Next Door pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
