Each line represents how far the last person was able to carry the Farfel.
[spots a line with Shnitzel's name on it] Hey, this one says "Shnitzel."
[wakes up] Shnitzel?! Have you come to gloat on victories past?
No. Shnitzel's totally weak now. He can't even lift a pickle jar.
[Shnitzel groans and cries]
[laughs] Can't even lift a pickle jar. How does that make you feel, little man? Does it burn you with shame? [sniffs] Ahhh. I can smell your failure. It's a most delicious aroma.
Use that shame, Shnitzel! Be its master, poke it in the gut, call it "Grandpa." We'll whip up that mushy body of yours back into shape, and when you can move the farfel, you will once more be strong!
Regain your former glory, Shnitzel, or be squashed like a BUG!
[During credits]
Shnitzel, what color is the universe? What if the sky smelled like fish? Who designed our brains? What comes after the letter "Z"? Do you believe in alternate dimensions? Do you believe in ghosts? Do you believe in alternate ghosts? Shnitzel, how much more could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Shnitzel, what makes you cry?
[Puppet Shnitzel looks at Puppet Chowder for a second, and turns with a tear dripping from his eye]
RReuben
I guess now you'll be taking care of me forever.
I used to think a dead rat was just a delicious-sounding treat, but I learned rats are more than that. They're hideous, disease-ridden scavengers. I may not look like you on the outside, 'cause I wear clothes. But on the inside, where it counts, we're exactly the same - starving!
CSChowder's Tummy
[whimpering] Mr. Tummy's gonna die!
[During the end credits...]
Honey, does this dress make me look fat?
Ummmmm...Uhhhhh, uhhhhhhhhhhhh...uhhhhh...uhhh...uh...uh...uhhhhh...uhhhh...uhh...uhh...ohhh! Aaaah! Uhhhh...Aaaaah...ohhhhh!
[growling in annoyance] You're dead to me. [flies away]
Where are you going? I'm not done ignoring you.
[fed up; having enough] Radda radda. Radda! (I QUIT!) [rips off his apron, revealing a backup apron, and storms out of catering company through the door with a Shnitzel-shaped hole]
Quit? You can't quit. Who's gonna hire a bum like you?!
[Shnitzel walks down the streets of Marzipan City and away from the catering company]
DCDog Citizen
Hey, that uh, that thing on your beak.
DCDog Citizen
Yeah, your snood. Seriously, dude, I can't even look at that thing. You gotta think about getting it removed.
BCBird Citizen
My wife likes my snood.
DCDog Citizen
You're a lucky, lucky man. [Shnitzel walks past between them] Man, that guy looks like he just quit a job he never thought he'd have to quit.
DCDog Citizen
[looks at the snood again; disgusted] Okay, seriously, I'm gonna puke if I gotta keep lookin' at that thing.
[Shnitzel shows up at Endive's house and rings the doorbell]
[off-screen] Be right there! [answers the door] What do you want?
[holds up a want ad] Radda radda. (I would like a job).
You're here about the job? [flees back inside and back to the door, wrapped in towels] Oh, I'm sorry. I just stepped out of the shower. So, you've come to your senses and want to work a real chef, huh?
Well, let me see if you're right for the position.
He may have been bigger and stronger, but he was crazier! [starts crying] I MISS SHNITZEL! WHY?!
Chowder, please! Come on now! If you start crying, I'll start crying. [starts crying as well] I miss him, too! [cries, then stops; determined] One way or another, we're gonna get our crazy rock monster back!
[End of Act 1]
You can thank us for saving you when we get home, Shnitzel.
Radda radda radda! Radda radda radda! Radda radda radda!
[confused; heartbroken] You LIKE working for Endive?!
[eating a bucket of popcorn; giggles] In your scrawny face!
How could she appreciate you more than we do?
Radda radda radda! (Because she gave me a raise!)
[shocked] She gave you a raise?
Radda radda radda, radda radda radda.
[heartbroken; confused] What? What do you mean this is just a job? I thought what we had was real. You-you came back for me, because you love me right? Right?!
Radda radda radda. [holds up a picture of him and a female rock]
[lividly] YOU…HAVE…A GIRLFRIEND?! SO! YOU LIKE TO LEAD WOMEN ON?! HUH?! [pokes Shnitzel and angrily pants, then pokes Shnitzel again] HUH?!? [pokes Shnitzel once more] HUH?!?!
[anxiously] Uh...radda...radda radda. R-Radda radda radda!
[furiously] MY HEART IS NOT A PIECE OF DOUGH FOR YOU TO TWIST! [to Margarine] Margarine, you can stop playing that song.
PCPuppet C.H. Greenblatt
[picks up Shnitzel and sets him down on a cloud, erases the chains off him, and draws his outfit] There. All better. Hey, Shnitzel, it's me, your creator. Listen, dude, I'm telling you. You gotta go back to Mung's.
PCPuppet C.H. Greenblatt
Don't you get it? Without you there, nothing's right! It's like the cosmos is out of whack!
Oh, radda radda, radda radda radda, radda radda radda! (Oh please they don't appreciate me).
PCPuppet C.H. Greenblatt
They don't appreciate you? That's crazy talk. [holds up a photo of Chowder and Mung feeding soup to Shnitzel while he's come down with a bad case of the plague pox] When you were deathly sick with the plague pox, who nursed you back to health with homemade soup?
Oh, radda radda. (It was Mung and Chowder).
PCPuppet C.H. Greenblatt
That's right, pal. It was Mung and Chowder. [holds up another photo of Chowder and Mung giving Shnitzel a loan full of cash, in his graduation uniform] And when you needed to borrow 3,000 dollops to pay off your student loans, who gave you the cash, no questions asked?
Oh, radda. Radda radda. (I remember it was Mung and Chowder).
PCPuppet C.H. Greenblatt
That's right. [hops up another photo of Shnitzel being chased by an angry mob] And when you ended up lost in the bad part of Lasagna Town after that really crazy birthday party, who drove five hours to come and get you?
PCPuppet C.H. Greenblatt
Oh, well, if they had known you were in trouble, I'm sure they would have come. Anywho, you need them as much as they need you.
[lands on Gorgonzola] My tushy feels warm.
[lifts Chowder off himself] Get...off...me, Chowder!
Guess what, Gorgonzola. Mung says I'll get ultimate thrice cream if I win!
You will not be winning anything.
Because I'M going to make sure YOU lose.
Well, which is it? Are you gonna make sure I'm gonna lose just because you said so, or did you say so just because you’re gonna make sure I'm gonna lose?
[enraged and irritated] STOP TALKING!
So, do you want me to stop talking and lose, or lose and stop talking?
