Adam Ruzek quotes from Chicago P.D.

Ruzek

Lady, I'm going to hogtie you with handcuffs so fast that your dentures will spin. Now give us an address.

Ruzek

Al, you still got it. Everyone, Al's still got it, you hear that? Erin, tweet that out. Al's still got it. The world should know.

Ruzek

[to Platt and Burgess] Ladies, it's Friday night. Let's get to Molly's and make some bad decisions.

Ruzek

When's the last time you brushed your teeth?

Olinsky

I'm supposed to be homeless, man.

Ruzek

That's not a good excuse.

Ruzek

Hey, Halstead. Any word on Banfill?

Halstead

He's still in the ICU. You seen the counselor yet?

Ruzek

Yeah, this afternoon. You know, I'm gonna send out a memo so people can stop asking me.

Halstead

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who do you think you're talking to? You got 10 minutes on this job.

Ruzek

It's a lot of people have been asking me.

Halstead

Say that next time.

Antonio

Here! [handing him the cold ice pack]

Ruzek

Thanks, [placing the cold ice pack on his crotch and softly wincing in momentary discomfort] I think they're swollen, seriously dude. [breathing in agony]

Antonio

I'll take your word on that. [as Halstead enters the room]

Halstead

Uniforms have picked up on Nadia trying to score over on Roosevelt they're bringing her in. You all right?

Ruzek

No!

Halstead

Just checking!

Ruzek

Yeah I'm glad we're all having fun with this Antonio, Wendy and I wanna have kids, if I'm sterile, I'm gonna have that chick's neck.

Antonio

Uh uh, this is all on you Ruzek, can't let your guard down like that ever. [exiting the room]

Ruzek

[sighing with relief] Good talk!

Ruzek

[notices the adult diapers Olinsky is holding] Wait, wait, wait. What are those for?

Olinsky

You're on a stakeout for who knows how long drinking that fluorescent poison you're not gonna be able to hold it.

Ruzek

You can't be serious. I'll find somewhere to take a leak.

Olinsky

You know, when I was a rookie, I was assigned to keep eyes on this B&E crew that nobody could touch.

Ruzek

Right.

Olinsky

The first time I got eyes on him, I lost him. You know why?

Ruzek

No.

Olinsky

'Cause I had to take a piss. And I'm gone three, four minutes tops. And I say to myself, "Next time I got eyes on him, I'm not gonna move. I'm not going anywhere." And that's where these came in. And I nailed the crew pulling a million-dollar score.

Platt

Hey, Olinsky, department's pushing back on these expense reports you turned in.

Olinsky

[to Ruzek] You owe me 27 bucks.

Ruzek

No, no, no. Nobody told me that we got to go out of pocket on stakeouts.

Platt

Is that so? Oh, great. Order some caviar and lobster tails next time, then.

Ruzek

Al. Alvin, you're not listening to me.

Olinsky

Well, you talk so much, it's hard to know when I'm supposed to listen and when I can just tune out.

Ruzek

Sheesh. You're miserable.

Olinsky

No kidding, kid. But you'll learn.

Ruzek

I'm not you, old man. You can keep your misery. I'm all sunshine and roses over here. Peachy keen, Mr. Bean.

Atwater

So what's the scoop, Sarge?

Burgess

Yeah, what's the scoop?

Atwater

If Voight got arrested, what were the charges?

Burgess

Yeah, they're not gonna take the unit from him, will they? He actually likes us.

Platt

You're like two washerwomen from the old country. Why don't you take your laundry down to the river?

Ruzek

[grabs Burgess' arm] Hey, listen. Come with me. [to Platt] We need her today.

Atwater

What about me?

Ruzek

Don't really have the curves I'm looking for, Atwater. Sorry man.

Ruzek

Hey, man. What's up?

Halstead

That's cute. You think I'm here for you?

Ruzek

Sarge, I'm willing to help you and everything, but you gotta tell me what's going on here.

Platt

[sighs] I gotta close the dad deal.

Ruzek

The the what now?

Platt

I'm accustomed to living in a nice house in Lincoln Park, a house I can't afford on my CPD salary.

Ruzek

Okay.

Platt

My dad is very wealthy. Investment banker wealthy. Cover of Forbes wealthy.

Ruzek

Really?

Platt

I'm his older single daughter who's never been married. We do this dance every year where I bring my new fiancé to dinner and tell him I'm sure this is the one. He then writes me a check and tells me he's proud of me. We're both just going through the motions at this point, but he's old-fashioned, and I don't want to think about what would happen if I don't play the game.

Ruzek

All right, say no more. I get it. I do. It's just I you think he's going to buy this?

Platt

Why wouldn't he?

Ruzek

Well, the, uh the age difference.

Platt

Exactly how old do you think I am?

Ruzek

I have no idea.

What do you like most about my daughter Trudy?

Platt

[glares at her father] Dad.

Ruzek

Well, I would have to say that I like the fact that she knows exactly who she is. That she doesn't take crap from anybody, and I mean anybody. She's a –– she's just a she's a tough cookie, my little cookie.

Ruzek

Why haven't you told him you're gay?

Platt

Gay?

Ruzek

Yeah, I just I think and I know I'm speaking out of school here, but I think he'd be cool with it. He seem like a––

Platt

I'm not gay.

Ruzek

What?

Platt

I did half the guys in my class in the academy.

Ruzek

Now what happens if the plaster falls and sets off the bomb?

Halstead

You'll be the first to know.