Jay Halstead quotes from Chicago P.D.

Antonio

Here! [handing him the cold ice pack]

Ruzek

Thanks, [placing the cold ice pack on his crotch and softly wincing in momentary discomfort] I think they're swollen, seriously dude. [breathing in agony]

Antonio

I'll take your word on that. [as Halstead enters the room]

Halstead

Uniforms have picked up on Nadia trying to score over on Roosevelt they're bringing her in. You all right?

Ruzek

No!

Halstead

Just checking!

Ruzek

Yeah I'm glad we're all having fun with this Antonio, Wendy and I wanna have kids, if I'm sterile, I'm gonna have that chick's neck.

Antonio

Uh uh, this is all on you Ruzek, can't let your guard down like that ever. [exiting the room]

Ruzek

[sighing with relief] Good talk!

Voight

You like working in this unit, you keep it in your pants.

Halstead

I didn't know it was out.

Voight

Erin's off-limits. End of discussion.

Halstead

You speak Italian? Where'd you pick it up?

Olinsky

I was stationed in Vicenza.

Halstead

You served?

Olinsky

Yeah, A.B.C.T., part of a rapid response team. It's about an hour away from everyone. You?

Halstead

Rangers. Afghanistan.

Olinsky

Well, that explains a lot.

Halstead

[smirks] Were you ever injured in the line of crushing grapes?

Olinsky

Excuse me?

Halstead

Was that in World War II?

Olinsky

I can't hear you.

FYI, you're not just my fiancé. You're my finacé that got in early in Facebook, like way early. You're worth at least 10 million.

Halstead

Well, how about I get a perm and I wear a hoodie and you can tell everybody I'm Mark Zuckerburg?

The reason I don't wear a ring...

Halstead

Why can't I be a cop?

What does your suit look like?

Halstead

Like a suit.

It has to look high-end.

Halstead

I have nice suits.

Lindsay

Would you spit out whatever you're trying to spit out?

Halstead

Okay. Maybe this last month I don't like being the guy you use to get a rise out of your father figure.

Lindsay

You wish I was using you.

Halstead

Oh, I'm serious. You have issues. You need to work them out. Work them out without me.

Lindsay

I repeat, we haven't done anything. And if you want to keep it that way...

Halstead

Hey, that'd be great.

Lindsay

All right, perfect.

Halstead

Fantastic.

Lindsay

You done?

Halstead

I was done long before this conversation started.

Lindsay

Really? Then shut up.

Halstead

If they have a private security cam at the lot, I bet you we get at least a plate off the escalade.

Lindsay

Genius.

Halstead

I am. Thank you.

Halstead

Is no one gonna talk about the fact that Voight got arrested last night?

Dawson

He was put in cuffs once before by me. He got out of those pretty easy. Why should this time be any different?

Halstead

Wait, so let me get this straight. The rule of law doesn't apply to Voight? Just so I'm clear.

Dawson

Just do your job.

Ruzek

Hey, man. What's up?

Halstead

That's cute. You think I'm here for you?

Halstead

[opens his door and sees Olinsky at his doorstep] Hey.

Olinsky

I figured you might be drinking. A man shouldn't be drinking alone.

The car is registered to Lonnie Rodiger. And that's you two cars behind.

Halstead

Okay, so I happened to be driving home behind a pedophile.

Olinsky

What, were you raised in a trailer park?

Halstead

Works the same, right?

Ruzek

Now what happens if the plaster falls and sets off the bomb?

Halstead

You'll be the first to know.

Ruzek

What are you going to sing, Boss?

Voight

My Way.

Halstead

You were expecting Love Shack?

Lindsay

Nadia's first day.

Halstead

Can she even type? [Lindsay looks at him] Did we look into that at all?

Lindsay

Yeah. She can, smart ass. [Halstead shrugs] Do not hit on her.

Halstead

[in mock offense] Nadia?? What kind of a dog do you think I am?

Ruzek

I'm just saying, Jay, you got a target on your head and you don't seem too phased.

Halstead

Overseas, my unit and I, we always had a bounty on us.

Dawson

Most gangs only pay 10G for a cop. If you're really worth 100, I should take you out myself. Pay off my mortgage.

Halstead

Right. Try it.

Olinsky

Coke dealer, one time, put a million dollar tag on me and Voight. [everyone stares at Olinsky]

Halstead

What?

Ruzek

How'd you handle that?

Olinsky

Well, you dust yourself. Never go home the same way twice. Run red lights. If a car follows you through one, you chamber a round and you handle business.