A character in Chicago Fire
[Cruz and Shay are walking through the locker room]
You messing with me?
No! Women love it. You would not believe how many nerve endings are–– [sees a stunned Casey staring at them]
Good morning, Lieutenant.
Don't stop with the sex advice on my account.
Was just talking to Shay and she told me the good news.
Good news?
Your new apartment. Sounds tight.
Oh yeah, thanks.
No problem. She did say it was a three-bedroom and you guys might be looking for a third roommate to, uh, defray the costs.
She said that?
[he and Mouch rush over to Otis and Severide] Hey! Yo, Otis! We agreed we were gonna come to him together.
Why do you even need a new place, Cruz? Your apartment isn't bad.
You spend a night in my neighborhood lulled to sleep by gunfire.
You try living two doors down from my mother.
Severide, this is exactly the kind of drama you won't have to deal with if you choose a mellow mature roommate.
Guys, it's just an apartment. You haven't even seen the place.
I can come by right after shift.
Me too.
Listen, this isn't cheerleader tryouts. You guys need to work this out amongst yourselves. [sees Boden] Chief! You got a minute? [quickly walks away]
Why are you two so eager to move in with Shay and Severide anyway?
The "residual" tale, Mouch.
The what now?
Ok, between Severide and Shay, think about how many beautiful women are gonna be parading through the apartment.
Imagine it. Severide is at the bar chatting up some babe, she's got a friend. Friend doesn't have to stop there. He'll say, oh let's take this back to my place where we can hang out with my awesome roommate Joe.
Brian.
Pathetic.
You say this because you are sad. In Russian, this is koleno reaktsii ryvokl.
I have no idea what those words mean.
[walks into lounge] Oh my god. What is that smell?
[deadpan] Impending gastric distress.
[Cruz appears behind the counter in the kitchen area.]
[sarcastically] Haha, very funny.
[raises eyebrows] Cruz is cooking??? Since when?
Since Mills jumped to squad and we haven't got a replacement candidate. We all drew straws.
We all lost.
Hey! This is authentic Dominican cuisine, all right? Just because you can't appreciate the aroma doesn't mean that the taste isn't gonna blow your hair back, huh? You just gotta broaden your horizons a little.
Yeah, broaden them all the way to Manny's for a Reuben sandwich.
I'm sure that this chick is awesome and all, but having a woman around is really gonna change things.
Oh, gee, thanks.
You know what I mean. Having a woman in the truck, you don't know what goes on in there, the jokes we crack.
The smells we produce.
I can imagine.
Nope. No, you can't.
[to Jones] Oh hey, Jonesy, just a heads up. If lunch isn't on the table at twelve sharp, the natives start to get restless.
And by "natives", he means himself.
You know, I would come to poker night, but it sounds so fun, I'm afraid it would ruin me from ever wanting to do anything else other than hanging out with the guys.
Awwww.
Why do I have to be the girl?
Just do it, Cruz, and stop your whining.
[Mouch is "rehearsing" for his upcoming date and Cruz is playing the girl while Casey, Herrmann, Mills and Severide look on.]
Name five things you're scared of.
[deadpan] Uh...being here with you on this date just became number one for me right now.
[The guys laugh.]
[confused] She...she wouldn't say that.
That's your wife? You, McAuley, Dr. Doom and Gloom snagged that earth angel over there?
That's correct.
[takes a pot of stew to Otis] Ok, I need a volunteer.
No way. Ugh!
[...]
I'll try it.
[grins] Sylvie! [hands her a spoon]
No, no!
[takes a sip and gags] Tangy.
Dominican sausage and peppers.
Dude, if you keep calling your food "Dominican", I am going to have to kick your ass on behalf of an entire country.
Who's gonna be the cook?
Hey, listen, I've got a cousin... [Cruz glares at him] ....really nice Russian girl––
No more cousins from you.
Nothing succeeds like success.
Oh, so nothing fails like failure, is that what you're saying?
[introduces his grandmother] This is my grandma!
This is your grandma?
Yes, man. She's staying with us. I texted you this.
You did not text me this.
A month ago. I texted you.
A month requires an email. [groans] Does she even speak English?
Not a word.
[grumbles to himself] I can't believe it.
I don't even understand where Baba's sleeping.
I have bunk beds.
You put the babushka on a bunk?
She grew up sleeping in a barn. And it's not like I make her sleep on the top bunk most nights.
Look, I'll admit that Baba has her certain charms, but you gotta take her out to dinner or something tomorrow night, all right? [looks at Otis sternly] Sylvie's coming at 9:00 p.m., and you will not ruin this for me.
I'm telling you, it's zero problem, man. Baba goes to sleep at 8:00 p.m. You won't even know she's there.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Chicago Fire pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
Chicago Fire · 302 quotes
