Mouch quotes from Chicago Fire

Mouch

[to Jones] Oh hey, Jonesy, just a heads up. If lunch isn't on the table at twelve sharp, the natives start to get restless.

And by "natives", he means himself.

Herrmann, I'm asking you nicely, please let me have Molly's. Please.

I'm telling you. Unexpected combo party. You bring the peanut butter, I got the chocolate. Boom, peanut butter cups.

What am I in for, exactly? For the urologist to report the procedure and you're gonna like put it up on the flat screens?

I got it all worked out. Gonna be fine.

Mouch

[shakes head] Bad idea.

Shut it, Mouch.

Mouch

I asked Shay and she said women like a bad boy.

Otis

So you basically asked a lesbian what she looks for in men?

You know, I would come to poker night, but it sounds so fun, I'm afraid it would ruin me from ever wanting to do anything else other than hanging out with the guys.

Awwww.

Mouch

Name five things you're scared of.

[deadpan] Uh...being here with you on this date just became number one for me right now.

Mouch

[confused] She...she wouldn't say that.

Mouch

So what drew you to Golden Oldeez?

Well, I'm very happy by myself, but I just moved here from Pittsburgh. And I was reading this article about prisons, and the author made a point that the most severe punishment in any culture is solitary confinement. And if it doesn't come easily, well, then, gosh, darn it, just get on a website and make an effort. So that's what I did.

Mouch, you have got to cancel. Trudy is not the type of woman who can be trifled with.

Mouch

I know. You're right.

Wait, hold on a sec. Mouch is a grown man. Trudy's got no right to tell him who he can and cannot break bread with.

Mouch

There's a certain amount of logic to that.

[to Mouch] I told you not to get Chief involved. You don't need to add this to your plate of concerns, just forget the whole thing happened––

Mouch, I outrank him. When I say that you have to cancel, you have to cancel, and that is an order.

Mouch

When you're right, you're right.

You know what? The two of you, get out of my office.

Mouch

I don't even understand where Baba's sleeping.

Otis

I have bunk beds.

You put the babushka on a bunk?

Otis

She grew up sleeping in a barn. And it's not like I make her sleep on the top bunk most nights.

Look, I'll admit that Baba has her certain charms, but you gotta take her out to dinner or something tomorrow night, all right? [looks at Otis sternly] Sylvie's coming at 9:00 p.m., and you will not ruin this for me.

Otis

I'm telling you, it's zero problem, man. Baba goes to sleep at 8:00 p.m. You won't even know she's there.

Otis

Candidate's late on his first day?

Mouch

Now that takes gumption.

Mouch

[sees Herrmann scratching the numbers of a lucky draw slip] Damn, you know you have a better chance of getting hit by a truck, right?

People get hit by trucks everyday. Otherwise, we'd be out of the job.

Jimmy

Hey guys, the tortoise is getting away.

Mouch, you gonna stop it?

Mouch

What's the rush?

Hey, any word on the Chief?

Mouch

I left him three messages that we were buying.

Free drinks are usually catnip to him.

Mouch

Monogamy. Ever consider it?

Severide

[pauses] Not really...

Mouch

Fifty bucks a head for a good cause.

Oh, what's the cause?

Mouch

It's to be determined at this time.

I'll post a copy over at Molly's. Ten percent off all drinks for anybody who signs the petition.

Mouch

Pretty sure that's illegal.

Five percent then.

Mouch

Still illegal.