Otis quotes from Chicago Fire

Otis

What about truck shirts?

Those are just kinda sitting there. I think it's because of the goat emblem. It's not a big seller. Why a goat?

Otis

That's what I'm saying. The goats are freakin' killing us, guys!

[about the graffiti artist Severide is rescuing] This clown is in a museum?!

Otis

What a country, right?

Otis

We should eat, huh.

Make a sandwich.

Otis

Now listen, I know you guys are gonna give me crap for this...

Go on.

Otis

I want to start a podcast.

What the hell is that?

Otis

Well, when I record myself being equal parts charming and brilliant, and then I put it up on iTunes, and people subscribe, and they follow me.

A mute would be better at that than you.

[sees Otis digging the bullets out of the truck's frontmost door] Dude!

Otis

I know...it's a goat, but it's our goat.

Why the hell are you studying Japanese?

Mouch

I..went online...once you turn fifty, your brain starts to atrophy unless you keep it in shape.

I think that train's already left the station, Mouch.

Say something in Japanese.

Mouch

I just started.

Otis

I bet twenty bucks that in two weeks you won't be able to string along a sentence.

Mouch

Easiest money I ever made!

I can tell this soup really smells like socks, Otis.

Otis

Just wait till it hits your taste buds!

Chief, are you just gonna let these pretend-cops violate our civil rights?

Otis

Yeah, don't they need to show us a warrant or something?

[sees Casey standing on the truck fixing the garage door] What's up?

Otis

The door's jammed.

I told Chief we needed to grease this puppy before the weather turned.

Otis

He ignored you?

No! He told me to do it but I forgot. I've been preoccupied.

Mouch

Weren't you and Cindy using protection?

We've got four kids Mouch. I was counting on my sperm being too tired to make the swim. [Casey looks down at him in amusement]

[awkwardly] Well, I'm gonna head inside and check the levels on the hot chocolate. [leaves]

Yeah, I'm gonna provide back-up. [leaves with Shay]

Otis

[to Mills] You know, my grandmother had this garage door that was always stuck two feet off the ground so one time I tell my brother...

[notices them raising their hands] What?

We've got a rule. You tell a story we've all heard a million times, we raise our hand, you gotta shut up, no questions asked.

Otis

That's actually impolite and insulting.

[scoffs] Like that's on us.

Otis

Board-up crews.

Why do they always look like gangsters?

Otis

Because they are.

What do you think is inside?

Nothing good. My luck don't run that way.

Otis

[excitedly] Let's open it and find out. Worst case scenario it's empty.

What if it contains a decomposed head of some gangster that went missing in the 20's? Next thing you know, this bar gets wrapped in crime scene tape and we can't get back in here!

Otis

If there's a mobster's head in there, my "Mustache Pete's" is gonna be famous.

We're not calling it Mustache Pete's.

Otis

Yes we are.

Otis

[outside Herrmann's toilet stall] Herrmannnnn. [knocks] Herrmannnnn.

Are you kidding me?! Right now?

Guys, guys, I have an announcement to make. Please, I need everybody's attention. Today, I came across something so upsetting that it literally shook me to the core. I was in the laundry room. I was pulling my stuff from the washer to the dryer, and I discovered these left inside. [holds up a pair of red underwear]

Don't look at me. I've been a Fruit of the Loom man since 1975.

Mouch

Twenty bucks to whoever finds the owner.

[takes the underwear from Cruz] Hey, first, they ain't mine. Second, these don't come down until the owner steps forward. I can't unsee this. Someone has to pay.

Otis

He who smelt it hath dealt it.

[looks pointedly at Otis] You're nuts. Those look like something that a Russian would wear on his wedding night.

Otis

They're not mine. But, I will put my money on Capp.

Mouch

[sarcastically] Keep deflecting, Otis. It's a good strategy.

You got a video camera I can use?

Otis

Herrmann, you got a hi-def camera on your phone. Why don't you just take some footage, I'll edit it for you.

Aww. Thank you, Otis.

"Ladies' night specials". You're kidding me.

Otis

[looks at Herrmann] See, I told you she'd be pissed. You know why? 'Cause it's sexist.

Yeah, sexist against men.

It just feels...a little desperate.