Kelly Garrett quotes from Charlie's Angels

Kelly

Would you think I was pushy if I asked why you were shooting at me?

Kelly

Good ole Charlie. First he lets us live among the wolves, then he throws us to them.

Bosley

She may be Tracy Martell to you but her police blotter reads Delores Martin, with six priors, starting when she was sixteen. All prostitution beefs.

Sabrina

What happened to the art history major?

Bosley

Well that’s the thing, she is in her last year of school, with a 3.4 average.

Jill

Wow, not your average lady of the night.

Kelly

So what’s the tie up between her and consenting adults?

Jill

I don’t know but I have a feeling one of us is going to get to play call girl.

Sabrina

Bingo. Guess who?

Jill

If I could squeeze a gold watch out of Charlie now would be the perfect time to retire.

Kelly

How’s your skating class?

Jill

Like a scrimmage with the Pittsburgh Steelers

Sabrina

Did Charlie tell you why he’s got you taking those lessons yet?

Jill

No, all I know is it’s really tough on my...

Kelly

Legs?

Jill

Those too.

Kelly

Now, wait a minute Sabrina. Let's go over this again. Professor Peter Wycinski hurdled his 60-year-old body onto our porch and marched into our room bearing a bottle of plum brandy?

Sabrina

I know that sounds crazy.

Jill

Oh, no, it makes perfect sense.

Kelly

Yeah, just last week Rosalynn Carter leaped through my kitchen window with a quart of chilli.

Jill

Free form.

Sabrina

What exactly is free form?

Kelly

Show them Bosley. (he starts playing an adult film) Now here’s some film Marvin didn’t want us to see.

Jill

Oh, little bo peep.

Sabrina

That is not the little bo peep I knew and loved as a child.

Kelly

Yeah well this is the unabridged version.

Jill

How do they do that?

Kelly

Very carefully.

Jill

I’m confused.

Kelly

Alright, ask questions and I’ll try to explain.

Bosley

Wait a minute, are you saying they are suspects?

Kelly

I’m saying they might give us some kind of handle on this. The trick is to question them so they won’t realise they’re being questioned.

Bosley

Ah-hah I see. What we need is a sharp eye and a deft clever tongue.

Kelly

That would be wonderful Bosley, but meanwhile see what you can find out without blowing it.

Sabrina

We’re all invited to the premiere.

Charlie

Wonderful, I’ll see you there.

Jill

Charlie, you mean you’ll come with us?

Charlie

I mean, I’ll see you there.

Sabrina

Yes Charlie, but will we see you?

Charlie

You might, you know I love the movies.

Kelly

Ah Charlie, how will we know it’s you?

Charlie

I’ll be wearing a tuxedo.

Jill

Charlie, all the men at the premiere will be wearing tuxedos

Charlie

That’s showbiz.

Jill

Well my guess is he’s the murderer. How else would he know that Charlie calls us angels?

Sabrina

Well it could have just been a coincidence. He was trying to come on to all three of us at once and he needed a collective noun. Or is angels a pronoun?

Kelly

Anytime I’m stuck I call everything an adverbial phrase. Yep it’s an adverbial phrase.

Bosley

Charlie knows what he’s doing.

Kelly

Oh sure, like the time he sent us to Nova Scotia to find Mrs Carpenter’s killer?

Sabrina

Oh that was a cute one.

Kelly

Uh-huh, and the killer was managing a banana plantation in Honduras.

Bosley

You got him didn’t you?

Kelly

We were there so long the guy had to come home for Christmas.

Kris

Hey is that it? Is that the speaker that Charlie talks to you on?

Kelly

There is no Charlie, Bos made him up.

Kris

(Discussing joining a nudist colony to interview suspects) Well fine, what would you do in my place?

Kelly

The same thing, I just wouldn’t have thought it would be this funny if it had been me.

Kelly

Shall we hit the ice for a little practice?

Kris

Just my luck. Jill skates like a pro and I get this assignment and all the bruises.

Kelly

I wonder what Charlie’s gonna say?

Kris

You mean about the cost of Sabrina’s bail?

Kelly

Uh-huh, it really adds up, doesn’t it? Operating a vehicle without a license, stealing a truck, reckless driving, and I never even heard of felony littering.

Bosley

Well, while Sabrina was busy turning into one of the ten most wanted, what did we learn?

Bosley

You flew all this way just because of a spider?

I had to, that girl... It didn’t matter to her that the spider was harmless. Why should she care that she’s started a panic among the other contestants.

Kelly

Are you certain the spider was harmless?

Of course it was, I stomped on it.

Kris

But was it harmless before you stomped on it?

Well how should I know? I wasn’t going to let it bite me to find out.