Charlie Townsend quotes from Charlie's Angels

Charlie

Is that you Bosley? You sound like a bagpipe in heat.

Charlie

How'd you like your little tour of duty?

Jill

It ranked right up there with abscessed teeth.

Charlie

Not too much, huh?

Jill

No.

Sabrina

Well, let's put it this way Charlie. The next time duty calls, let's let it call somebody else, huh?

Sabrina

We’re all invited to the premiere.

Charlie

Wonderful, I’ll see you there.

Jill

Charlie, you mean you’ll come with us?

Charlie

I mean, I’ll see you there.

Sabrina

Yes Charlie, but will we see you?

Charlie

You might, you know I love the movies.

Kelly

Ah Charlie, how will we know it’s you?

Charlie

I’ll be wearing a tuxedo.

Jill

Charlie, all the men at the premiere will be wearing tuxedos

Charlie

That’s showbiz.

Charlie

Oh, by the way, Kelly. I've arranged a little surprise for you.

Kelly

Oh really? Let me guess. A week in Pango Pango.

Charlie

No. Not quite. I'm giving you flying lessons. What do you think of that?

Kelly

I think before I answer that, Charlie. You'd better give me that week in Pango Pango. That way my answer will be much less painful to you.

Kris

Where do we start?

Charlie

We start with Kelly getting pregnant.

Sabrina

What!

Kelly

Ah, I quit.

Kris

Charlie, you don’t mean to say that we are going to be wallowing in all that luxury.

Charlie

I don’t believe wallow is quite the word Kris. You’re going to work there as an exercise instructor.

Sabrina

What about me Charlie?

Charlie

You’ll take your expertise into the diet kitchen, Sabrina. Nothing like the thirty calorie chocolate mousse to raise moral.

Sabrina

Ah, the galley slave. How about Kelly?

Charlie

Somebody has to be a guest.

Kris

Teachers pet.

Kelly

I’ll wave to you.

Kris

She just thinks that being mayor is boring and she wants Uncle Paul to deputize her.

Charlie

She’s not serious

Kris

Oh yes she is.

Kelly

Hey, I think that’s a good idea Kris. You’re uncle could deputise two or three of those ladies, give them assignments by phone, let them do all the work and he just lays back and relaxes.

Bosley

That is an absolutely preposterous idea

Charlie

I agree Bosley, totally absurd.

Sabrina

It would never work.

Kris

No of course not, I don’t know any woman who would accept something like that. Do you?

Kelly

Absolutely not.

Charlie

I'm glad your back, Angels. I hope your brush with high education was beneficial.

Kelly

Well if Blackmore is typical, I understand why they call it a finishing school.

Sabrina

Yep. It seemed like some of those girls were majoring in mayhem and blackmail.

Kelly

And minoring in lying, thievery and intimidation.

Charlie

We’ve been hired by Dana Cameron’s parents to find Dana’s killer. Notice anything Angels?

Jill

How could we miss noticing Charlie?

Sabrina

It’s Kelly almost to a T.

Kelly

Really? I don’t think she looks that much like me.

Jill

In that pose she’s a dead ringer. Sorry I wasn’t trying to be funny.

Kelly

You weren’t.

Sabrina

You heard that, Charlie?

Charlie

Everything, Sabrina. And I've already made arrangements for you three to go to prison

Kelly

Prison? You've got to be kidding, Charlie.

Charlie

It's no joke, Angels.

Jill

You can say that again

Bosley

Ah-ah Kelly, you know that Charlie does not like to answer personal questions.

Charlie

That’s true, however I take no offense Kelly. It’s just that thoughts of my marriage tend to remind me of the fellow who woke up one morning to find out he was dead. It ruined what otherwise could have been a beautiful day.

Charlie

I was about to explain that your empire was having some trouble lately.

Trouble? I would call it calculated disaster.

Jill

Like what?

Equipment breakdowns, arson, busboys walking out of the club on New Years Eve, you name it I’ve had it and now they’re killing off the centrefolds.

Charlie

That’s where you come in.

Kelly

As centrefolds?

Charlie

Kelly, when you took this job you knew there’d be a lot of undercover work.

Jill

That’s not undercover! That’s not any cover at all.