Kevin Walker quotes from Brothers & Sisters

Kevin

Hi, Scotty, it's... it's Kevin, your least favorite Martian. Look, I've been on your planet for 34 years, and I still get a lot of things wrong. Like about money and work and people and life and... love and everything. Anyway, I just wanted you to know I think you're amazing, and funny, and cute as hell, and I just hope that some day... maybe, I don't know, three Martian years from now, 'cause our years are longer than yours, maybe I could be worthy of your human love and respect. Whether we're together or not. That's all.

Kevin

This guy is messing with my head. In the 'Gay' column I have: Flirting, giving me shoes, Lola the pug. And in the 'Straight' column I have: Girlfriend, Lakers and uses the words dude and bro.

Kitty

[about golf] Kevin plays.

Kevin

What? No, Kevin doesn't.

Sarah

Yeah, Kevin does play. He played on our high school golf team.

Kevin

Yeah, only because I had a crush on Matthew Brown. I joined everything he joined, even Future Farmers of America... Yeah, he grew a prize-winning pumpkin.

Kitty

Ooh, I bet he did.

Kevin

Okay, fine. How's tomorrow night?

Scotty

My boyfriend and I might have plans, but I'll check.

Kevin

He can come too, he was kinda hot. How's seven thirty?

Scotty

Geriatric. Let's say nine.

You can't buy someone's time. It's all tied to pride in the work ethic, like Sigmund Freud said.

Kevin

What did Freud say?

He said love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness.

Kevin

Wow. Do people underestimate you a lot?

[nodding] Because of the hair.

Tommy

Can you hand me a screwdriver... You know what a screwdriver looks like?

Kevin

It's orange and comes in a glass filled with ice.

Kevin

You know, this whole anonymity thing is a joke. If the kid's well dressed and witty, it's mine.

Justin

You don't stand a chance. My little dudes have been at war.

Kevin

And stoned for the last ten years. Mine are effective.

Tommy

Okay, that's enough sperm talk for the rest of my life.

Kevin

You're the lying whore of the family!

Kitty

And you're the stuck-up bitch!

Kevin

Okay, we've parked at Inspiration Point so you can bitch about your job?

I thought we were friends.

Kevin

I don't know what we are, Chad. You give me shoes, you admire my body, and, you know, I'm sorry, taking a drive up to a beautiful location, regardless of category, is a date. I mean, come on man, driving me all the way up here? You're either going to hack me into a million little pieces or you're gonna kiss me!

Well, I'm not a serial killer. So...

Kevin

OK. Whatever, where did you hide the wine? I need to get grandma a drink ASAP?

Tommy

It's in the closet.

Kitty

You put the wine in my closet.

Kitty

Is your little boyfriend in there? [Laughs]

Kevin

[Yelling from closet] He's not my boyfriend!

Kitty

We had to promise no wine when we took Justin out of rehab.

Out of where?

Kitty

Oh.

Nora

Mother, Justin is in a rehab program. He's a drug addict.

Kevin

Oh, mom, a little more discretion. We are in the presence of a US senator.

Robert

It's nothing to be embarrassed about.

Kevin

But homosexuality is?

Kitty

Oh Kevin, you know. Please, enough. Can you just tell him you have a gay brother too.

Who's gay?

Kitty

I...

Robert

I think you just outed two brothers for the price of one.

Kevin

Thanks Kitty. That would be me, grandma. I'm gay.

You're not gay. Justin maybe, but you?

Kevin

Oh I am gay, I swear. I am.

Scotty

You know, you almost have to love the irony; you're right where I was with you a few months ago.

Kevin

You know, you ended things with me, Scotty.

Scotty

Now you know how hard it is to love someone who doesn't love himself. I feel sorry for you. [pause] Good luck, Kevin.

You know, whatever journey I've been on, I think at age 34 I have finally maybe found out who I want to be, and where I want to go. [puts his hand on Kevin's] And who I want to go there with.

Kevin

This is the greatest friggin' restaurant on Earth, isn't it?

Rebecca

I read about you.

Kevin

Me?

Rebecca

M-hm, someone sent me a link to the 'Skinny Minnie'. Are you really dating Chad Barry?

Kevin

Eh, no. Yes, yeah, oh, I... I know him.

Justin

Like Romeo knows Juliet.

Sarah

Like Siegfried knows Roy.

Tommy

[jokingly] Did you bring your DNA kit with you? Are you going to swab her over salad?

Kevin

I could get a strand of hair.

Tommy

No, that's not going to work. You have to get it from the root.

Justin

What are you, Columbo?

Tommy

I watch all the crime shows.

Kevin

I'll take her water glass into a lab.

Tommy

No, no, that's not gonna work either. The glass will get corrupted.

Justin

Look, are you both high? You want your DNA test right here? She's hot - I feel nothing!