Tommy Walker quotes from Brothers & Sisters

Tommy

[to Justin] I'm not like him. Dad never stopped caring about what you did with your life. I do. I stop right now. I stop today.

[to Kitty] We're here all together, and I must announce with some trepidation, you're no longer grounded.

Justin

When she was fourteen, she was grounded indefinitely.

What for?

Kitty

Oh, it had something to do with cigarettes and surf wax.

Tommy

And shoplifting and a boy named Pablo...

Tommy

Can you hand me a screwdriver... You know what a screwdriver looks like?

Kevin

It's orange and comes in a glass filled with ice.

Kevin

You know, this whole anonymity thing is a joke. If the kid's well dressed and witty, it's mine.

Justin

You don't stand a chance. My little dudes have been at war.

Kevin

And stoned for the last ten years. Mine are effective.

Tommy

Okay, that's enough sperm talk for the rest of my life.

Kevin

OK. Whatever, where did you hide the wine? I need to get grandma a drink ASAP?

Tommy

It's in the closet.

Kitty

You put the wine in my closet.

Kitty

Is your little boyfriend in there? [Laughs]

Kevin

[Yelling from closet] He's not my boyfriend!

Tommy

[jokingly] Did you bring your DNA kit with you? Are you going to swab her over salad?

Kevin

I could get a strand of hair.

Tommy

No, that's not going to work. You have to get it from the root.

Justin

What are you, Columbo?

Tommy

I watch all the crime shows.

Kevin

I'll take her water glass into a lab.

Tommy

No, no, that's not gonna work either. The glass will get corrupted.

Justin

Look, are you both high? You want your DNA test right here? She's hot - I feel nothing!

[about the last Game Night] Was that the night Kitty threw the trophy at your head?

Tommy

Yeah, that was it. 12 stitches.

Kitty

No, 6. It was 6 stitches and I tossed it you.

Tommy

Threw it.

Kitty

And you just somehow couldn't catch it.

Sarah

What does a girl have to do to get a drink around here?

Tommy

Uh, follow Kevin around.

Kevin

Well, if you rule out all the democrat you're basically left with Ted Nugent, Lynyrd Skynyrd and ZZ Top!

Sarah

Well, I'm a democrat and I lost my virginity to "She's Got Legs"!

Justin

Eww wow! Crossing the line Sarah!

Tommy

Mine was the "Dirty Dancing" theme!

Kevin

Wow! Be gayer!!

Sarah

I bet Kitty's was "Talk radio"! Hey, Justin?

Justin

Don't look at me! I'm not having this conversation in front of mom!

Nora

Oh, please! Pink Floyd's "The Wall", Gabby Clyner, 10th grade!

Justin

You know that?

Kevin

I have two first sex soundtracks, girl and guy.

Kitty

Okay now stop, stop you guys, please you're ruining all music for me.

Robert

Sorry I'm late

Justin

It's alright buddy

Nora

Robert, what song did you lose your virginity to?

Kevin

Mom!

Kitty

Well we're just trying to figure out our wedding song.

Robert

Interesting methodology, uhhm, Endless love!

Aaaah!

Robert

Yeah ok. Does anyone know that Kitty has us scheduled for for dance lessons?

Tommy

Awwww Kitty!

Kitty

Come on Tommy, I'm not that bad.

Nora

I got it Pretty Woman!

Kitty

Come on mom! At a republican candidates wedding.

Nora

No that was the song I lost my virginity to.

Tommy

Mom we don't need to picture you and dad....

Nora

Who said anything about dad.

What?

Kitty

I thought dad was your first?

Nora

Nope.

Sarah

I thought dad swept you off your feet when you were barely 18.

Kevin

Mom you slut!

Nora

It was this guy I'd known in college, Stan Harris and it was in the back of his dad's car.

Ewwwwww! [ They stand to exit]

Nora

He was tall and I was short... [All leave] So what it's like I've never had sex before.

Tommy

So... You like Rebecca?

Justin

It was a fleeting moment, okay? And besides, it doesn't matter. She lied to me.

Tommy

Listen, Justin, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that you two have always... connected. So maybe it's something worth salvaging.

Nora

Alright everyone, Ryan's here just be nice. Be yourselves.

Kevin

Be nice or be ourselves, which is it?

[Enters] Hi.

Hi!

Kevin

I'm Kevin this is Scotty.

Tommy

Hey, I'm Tommy. [They all start introducing themselves]

Nora

I told them to be themselves. Who the hell are they?

Tommy

Hey Kev. I heard you at the bar. You saw me for who I was, you always have. Called Julia this morning she won't take my calls but I'm gonna keep trying. And I'm gonna be a father to Elizabeth.

Kevin

Good.

Tommy

I'm trying to change.

Kevin

I see.

Tommy

It's not easy.

Kevin

I know.

Tommy

I just hope that when I do...

Kevin

I'll see that too. That's all I want.