[pointing a gun at Jimmy] Talk.
I'm gonna make an educated guess what happened here. My two clients, Frick and Frack, the mopheads, were in a simple traffic accident. A minor fender-bender, but maybe they were on the wrong side of the street or they didn't look both ways. It could happen to anyone. My clients, exhibiting extremely poor judgement, followed your grandmother to this delightful, well-tended home. Now, at this juncture, I am deducing that they said or did something that... crossed a line, and you–with some justification–you put them in their place. Based on the "salsa" stain there, could've gone a couple ways. The bottom line, not to be morbid, but if they're dead, uh, I'm guessing that I'm... [pause] I'm gonna–Yeah, I'm gonna go with glass half-full here and say they're not. My point is, if they're alive, why kill us? Why, because of a misunderstanding? Our own stupidity? Why mess up your lovely abuelita's place? Why jump to the nuclear option? See, I'm saying "keep it simple." I will collect my moronic clients, and poof, we are gone. Neither you nor your lovely abuelita will ever lay eyes on us ever again, guaranteed! Signed, sealed and delivered... assuming, you know, that they're still breathing.
[pause] Wow. You got a mouth on you.
[At the desert, Tuco interrogates Jimmy who is on his knees, pleading for his life.]
You know what I smell. I smell lies. I smell pork. [Tuco places a wire cutter on Jimmy's finger]
No. That’s not necessary.
Okay, we know you’re with the heat. The question is, who? Local? FBI?
No, I’m a lawyer. Just reach in my pocket right now – right there!
[Tuco takes a matchbook out of Jimmy's pocket, looks at it and throws it away.]
That is the truth! I’m a lawyer! Guys, I passed the bar! Ask me anything! Not contract law, okay? I’m down at the court every day! People know me. I’m a known quantity – I am!
[Tuco applies more pressure on the wire cutter.]
I’m – I’m Special Agent Jeffrey Steele, FBI.
FBI. I’m undercover, okay? You got me. I’m the tip of the spear, and releasing me would be a smart move.
[Jimmy attempts to convince Tuco to spare the skateboarders]
Think about their mother.
[pause; spits on the ground] I SPIT ON THEIR MAMA!
She is a sweet little lady. She—she’s a widow. She works hard all day, every day—just like her mother before her—from dawn til dusk! Scrubbing the floors of rich people. She needs a cane to walk, you know? She’s got arthritis, and still she works every day. What, for herself? No! No, for them! For these two! They’re her boys, they’re the apples of her eye. You say they don’t deserve her? [shrugs] Maybe so. But... they’re all she’s got. Now... you turn them inside out, I want you to think about what happens to her.
No, [points at the twins with his knife] that’s on them. They should’ve thought about that.
But when I was at your abuelita’s place, you were gonna let them go. Way I see it, that’s because you’re tough, but you’re fair. You’re all about justice.
That’s what I am saying. Justice.
These–these two shit-for-brains? These two big-mouths? You–you already beat the living hell out of them. Do you think they’re ever gonna forget today? Never! Ten years from now, they’re still gonna be crapping their jockeys.
Okay, okay. Then let’s talk proportionality. They’re guilty–Oh, agreed. Now you have to decide what’s the right sentence?
Like a judge. Ever heard of the Code of Hammurabi? Let the punishment fit the crime, eye for an eye?
Eye for an eye. You want me to blind them.
No, no. All they did was trash-talk.
So, I cut their tongues out!
Wait. See, I’m advising that you make the punishment fit the crime.
Punishment fit the crime. Colombian neckties. I cut their throats, and then I PULL THEIR LYING TONGUES THROUGH THE SLITS! BIZNATCH!!
Or you–you could give them black eyes.
Black eyes? [laughs] That ain’t nothing!
NDNo Doze
That one there, homes. He already got a black eye, fool.
[turns to No Doze] Stop. Helping.
Or you could sprain their ankles.
They’re–they’re skateboarders, right? That–that’s how they run their scam. They can’t skate. You–you hit them where they live.
I ain’t spraining nothing, bitch. I’m gonna break their arms. And I’m gonna break their legs.
Arms? When–when did we get on to arms? Let's...
I’m cutting their legs off.
But–we could go that way. But… we were talking about breaking. I think we’re heading the wrong direction.
They’re... One leg each, that’s a total of two legs. Uh, hey, look. They can’t skateboard for six months, and they are scared of you forever. You show everybody that you are the man, but that you’re fair! That you’re just!
[Tuco rolls his sleeves up like he's about to beat Jimmy up, then holds out his right hand]
[looks at the twins, then shakes Tuco's hand] That's tough, but that's fair.
[to Gonzo and No Doze] Alright, lay them out! I ain’t got all day! It’s hot as shit out here!
[Tuco proceeds to break the skateboarders’ legs]
You're light on stickers.
You've got four, you need five.
There's four ninety-minute stickers there.
You've been here six hours and five minutes.
It takes ten minutes to walk down here!
Five dollars, or you get another sticker.
[takes parking ticket, backs up his car and gets out] This makes you feel real important, huh?! Not enough stickers, more stickers?!
[Later the next day, Jimmy runs low on stickers yet again and vents his anger at Mike]
You're like a troll under a bridge!
[Mike shuts the sliding glass window and ignores Jimmy]
"You must have the stickers, or you won't pass!" Troll alert here! Don't feed it!
