Hey, you asked for me, and I have come. I want to tell you this was a wise move—very smart, because I’m here to help everyone—all parties—but mostly you. Uh, those two detectives—They just gave me an earful. And what they were telling me is—it’s problematic. I’m gonna pitch it back to you so I know we’re on the same page. A neighbor lady saw a suspicious van parked across the street from the Kettleman’s house two nights in a row. She wrote down the license plate. It was your license plate. Cops tracked your van and you, searched it, and found blood on the floor. So... here we are. Um... um... they’re calling the FBI in on this, [Jimmy sits down] which makes it federal. That’s a bad thing, Nacho. That’s–that’s very bad, but if you tell me where the family is, if–if you give them up now—full cooperation, deep remorse—I feel very good about knocking your sentence down to the minimum: 18 years. They take this good-behavior thing very seriously, so start here, right here. Tell me the family is okay. Tell me the kids are okay. [beat] You want to tell me your thoughts and weigh in? Does this sound like a plan that you can get behind?
You miserable piece of shit. You set me up.
You gave my score to another crew, and now you’re setting me up.
I... What the—What? Did the cops beat you? ‘Cause you’re talking like a person with head trauma.
What are you saying? Are you saying that you have nothing to do with this? That was your van outside the house. You weren’t there?
Yeah, I was there. I was casing the place, figuring out the best way in and out, what time they went to bed. All that. They were fine when I left. That’s it.
You have nothing to do with the Kettlemans?
I was never in the house.
What about the blood in your van?
They DNA my ride, all they’re gonna find is the blood of your skate-rat twins, plus whatever piss and shit you leaked out when you were in there. Nobody's been in the back of that van since.
Here’s what I understand, councilor. I told my plan to one other person. One: You. Now here I am, under arrest. Go figure.
I don’t know anything about a setup or another crew.
[Nacho slams his shackled wrists on the table, startling Jimmy]
You know what? I don’t even care. The cops are out there right now, poking into my business, and if they find something on me or my partners, for real, it’s gonna be bad for you. Really bad.
You get me out of here today... or you’re a dead man.
[Jimmy once again doesn't have enough money or validation stickers when he shows up at the booth]
Dammit, here! I'm in a real rush. I didn't have time to get the validation.
Fine, nine bucks. [hands back Jimmy's parking ticket]
[takes ticket from Mike and looks for cash] I...I don't have it. I have five. Please!
You know the drill, money or validation.
Look, this is an emergency, okay?! A serious, serious emergency! I have to get outta here! I promise, on the souls of my forefathers, I will get you the stickers when I come back! I will get you extra if you just let me go! [Mike ignores him; angrily] FINE! FINE! You’re gonna make me walk back and get the stickers?! I will walk back and get the stickers!
I’m not making you do anything. Those are the rules.
[still angry] Hey, whatever helps you sleep at night.
[Jimmy sees Mike not paying attention, so he reaches over and presses the button in the booth which raises the cross arm. It goes up and Jimmy drives away fast]
I called the Kettlemans after I hung up with you, I gave them a warning call.
Yeah, I was worried that my guy Varga was going after their money. And he was. He was gonna rip them off. I deduced it from a conversation that we had. It was lawyer to client, so there was, you know, confidentiality issues. But I called the Kettlemans anonymously to warm them.
Anonymously? You didn’t – Oh, god, you didn’t–you didn’t do the sex-robot voice, did you?
I did, with the tube and whole thing, which probably scared the living shit out of them, and they took off, which, you know, file that under “unintended consequence,” but you–you believe me now?
Great. Now we have to find them. I mean—Or better yet, get the cops to let Varga go because right now my ass is on the highway to the danger zone.
Well, why are you in danger?
Nacho Varga, he didn’t kidnap the family. But he’s a bad guy. He’s a very bad guy. And if the cops keep pushing him, they’re gonna find something. And when that happens, Nacho blames me, and then his guys turn me into a meat piñata.
No, there’s–there’s no way I’m gonna rat on this guy. I will never be safe. No, I have to convince the cops that I’m right, get them to stop looking at Nacho, and catch the Kettlemans on the run.
And if they never catch them?
The Kettlemans? Well, you have met these people, right? They’re–They’re not exactly masterminds, right? They will be caught if the cops are looking for them. So tell them to, would you? The FBI, too. I heard they’re getting in on this.
Why would the FBI listen to me?
Well, Hamlin—They’ll listen to him, right? APD, at least. You–You talk to Howard. You explain things to him. He has clout with these people. [Kim sighs] What? Is–Is that a no or...
Hamlin will never agree to it. The Kettlemans are our clients. This would mean incriminating them.
Oh, you–you see? That’s why people hate lawyers.
It’s Hamlin’s call, and Hamlin will never agree. And even if it were up to me, you know I couldn’t. I’m sorry. I just...
I get it. [turns and leaves]
I’m gonna go talk to Nacho. I’ll try to make him see reason. To beg!
Hey, hold up. How come you let me off the hook back there?
I'm going back to work. Why don't you quit while you're ahead and go on your way?
No, I refuse to believe it's because you have something resembling a heart inside your body.
You're not gonna have a heart inside your body in about five seconds.
Okay, don't tell me. I already know why you did it.
'Cause you believe me. That family kidnapped themselves.
I knew it! I knew it! Finally, someone believes me! Wh-Why do you believe me?
I heard the details, your story makes sense.
Of course it does! Devil's advocate -- like the cops said, uh, the Kettlemans' cars are still at their house, there's no record of them leaving, h-how'd they get out of the country?
They didn't. Odds are they didn't get out of the neighborhood.
Wh-- What, they... Come again?
Look, when I was still on the job back in Philly, we had this case...
Whoa, hold up, hold up now, wait... "On the job," as in you were a cop, "on the job"?
This bookie disappeared after the Super Bowl. Cowboys-Steelers? Took $6 million in bets and skipped town when things didn't go his way. Now, everybody thought he was on the beach in the Bahamas or dead in the Jersey Pine Barrens -- wasn't the case. He was two doors down from where he lived, in a foreclosed house. Hid there for six months without anyone suspecting.
But... But why? Why not run?
That's what everybody expects. It's human nature to want to stay close to home. And if this Kettleman figured out how to do it, that's what he did. Nobody wants to leave home.
