Tuco[pointing a gun at Jimmy] Talk.
I'm gonna make an educated guess what happened here. My two clients, Frick and Frack, the mopheads, were in a simple traffic accident. A minor fender-bender, but maybe they were on the wrong side of the street or they didn't look both ways. It could happen to anyone. My clients, exhibiting extremely poor judgement, followed your grandmother to this delightful, well-tended home. Now, at this juncture, I am deducing that they said or did something that... crossed a line, and you–with some justification–you put them in their place. Based on the "salsa" stain there, could've gone a couple ways. The bottom line, not to be morbid, but if they're dead, uh, I'm guessing that I'm... [pause] I'm gonna–Yeah, I'm gonna go with glass half-full here and say they're not. My point is, if they're alive, why kill us? Why, because of a misunderstanding? Our own stupidity? Why mess up your lovely abuelita's place? Why jump to the nuclear option? See, I'm saying "keep it simple." I will collect my moronic clients, and poof, we are gone. Neither you nor your lovely abuelita will ever lay eyes on us ever again, guaranteed! Signed, sealed and delivered... assuming, you know, that they're still breathing.
Tuco
[pause] Wow. You got a mouth on you.
[At the desert, Tuco interrogates Jimmy who is on his knees, pleading for his life.]
Tuco
You know what I smell. I smell lies. I smell pork. [Tuco places a wire cutter on Jimmy's finger]
No. That’s not necessary.
Tuco
Okay, we know you’re with the heat. The question is, who? Local? FBI?
Tuco
DEA?
No, I’m a lawyer. Just reach in my pocket right now – right there!
[Tuco takes a matchbook out of Jimmy's pocket, looks at it and throws it away.]
Tuco
Truth.
That is the truth! I’m a lawyer! Guys, I passed the bar! Ask me anything! Not contract law, okay? I’m down at the court every day! People know me. I’m a known quantity – I am!
[Tuco applies more pressure on the wire cutter.]
I’m – I’m Special Agent Jeffrey Steele, FBI.
Tuco
FBI?
FBI. I’m undercover, okay? You got me. I’m the tip of the spear, and releasing me would be a smart move.
[Jimmy attempts to convince Tuco to spare the skateboarders]
Think about their mother.
Tuco
[pause; spits on the ground] I SPIT ON THEIR MAMA!
She is a sweet little lady. She—she’s a widow. She works hard all day, every day—just like her mother before her—from dawn til dusk! Scrubbing the floors of rich people. She needs a cane to walk, you know? She’s got arthritis, and still she works every day. What, for herself? No! No, for them! For these two! They’re her boys, they’re the apples of her eye. You say they don’t deserve her? [shrugs] Maybe so. But... they’re all she’s got. Now... you turn them inside out, I want you to think about what happens to her.
Tuco
No, [points at the twins with his knife] that’s on them. They should’ve thought about that.
But when I was at your abuelita’s place, you were gonna let them go. Way I see it, that’s because you’re tough, but you’re fair. You’re all about justice.
Tuco
That’s what I am saying. Justice.
These–these two shit-for-brains? These two big-mouths? You–you already beat the living hell out of them. Do you think they’re ever gonna forget today? Never! Ten years from now, they’re still gonna be crapping their jockeys.
Tuco
It’s not enough.
Okay, okay. Then let’s talk proportionality. They’re guilty–Oh, agreed. Now you have to decide what’s the right sentence?
Tuco
Like a judge.
Like a judge. Ever heard of the Code of Hammurabi? Let the punishment fit the crime, eye for an eye?
Tuco
Eye for an eye. You want me to blind them.
No, no. All they did was trash-talk.
Tuco
So, I cut their tongues out!
Wait. See, I’m advising that you make the punishment fit the crime.
Tuco
Punishment fit the crime. Colombian neckties. I cut their throats, and then I PULL THEIR LYING TONGUES THROUGH THE SLITS! BIZNATCH!!
Or you–you could give them black eyes.
Tuco
Black eyes? [laughs] That ain’t nothing!
NDNo Doze
That one there, homes. He already got a black eye, fool.
Tuco
[turns to No Doze] Stop. Helping.
Or you could sprain their ankles.
Tuco
Sprain?
They’re–they’re skateboarders, right? That–that’s how they run their scam. They can’t skate. You–you hit them where they live.
Tuco
I ain’t spraining nothing, bitch. I’m gonna break their arms. And I’m gonna break their legs.
Arms? When–when did we get on to arms? Let's...
Tuco
I’m cutting their legs off.
But–we could go that way. But… we were talking about breaking. I think we’re heading the wrong direction.
Tuco
Okay. Break their legs.
Tuco
Two. They got two legs.
Tuco
One leg each?
They’re... One leg each, that’s a total of two legs. Uh, hey, look. They can’t skateboard for six months, and they are scared of you forever. You show everybody that you are the man, but that you’re fair! That you’re just!
[Tuco rolls his sleeves up like he's about to beat Jimmy up, then holds out his right hand]
Tuco
One leg each.
[looks at the twins, then shakes Tuco's hand] That's tough, but that's fair.
Tuco
[to Gonzo and No Doze] Alright, lay them out! I ain’t got all day! It’s hot as shit out here!
[Tuco proceeds to break the skateboarders’ legs]
[Mike drives to the El Michoacan restaurant after alerting the police of Tuco's location. As he pulls into the parking lot, he hits Tuco's car. Tuco and Nacho notice this and stop their deal inside the restaurant.]
Tuco
What the fuck? Did you see that?
Tuco
That old man... just hit my car.
[Mike comes inside while Tuco stares him down.]
Let me see. Um... give me the #4. The pollo, por favor. That's to go.
Tuco
Hey, you. Hey, gramps! You just hit my car.
Tuco
[laughs; to Nacho] Check out Mr. Magoo here. [to Mike] Yes, sir. You see that car that you parked your piece of shit next to? That's mine. You just ran into it.
Tuco
You calling me a liar?
Hey! I saw it, too. You gonna stand there and deny it?
I offered to do this the right way. If you can't accept that, then I can't help you. [Tuco takes his keys and throws them to Nacho] Aw, come on, guys!
Tuco
I'm gonna make this real simple for you. Give me your wallet and maybe you'll walk away from this.
[pause] I'm not giving you a damn thing.
Tuco
No, homes? [reveals gun underneath his shirt to Mike] Give me your wallet!
Let's just stay calm here.
Tuco
[laughs] You see me sweating, bitch? [shoves Mike] Wallet! [Mike looks to his right] Wallet! Wallet.
[Mike reluctantly takes his wallet out of his back pocket]
Tuco
[snatches wallet from Mike's hand and takes out cash] There's like, 400 here!
[Nacho hears sirens in the distance]
Tuco
You got some crazy lip on you, old man! Your life, worth 400 bucks?
Hey, Tuco! Time to bounce!
Tuco
Yeah, go. Go.
[Nacho drops the keys, then gets in his van and drives off]
Tuco
You... are one lucky old man. [Mike suddenly grabs Tuco's boxing gloves necklace] The hell? Let go!
[Mike knocks Tuco's gun away, and the two start a fist fight. Tuco throws several punches at Mike. Mike notices two cop cars pulling into the parking lot as Tuco beats him]
OOfficer
Hands up! Now! On the ground!
[bloody-faced] That all you got?
OOfficer
Get on the ground!
[Tuco laughs madly and lands a punch to Mike's eye]
Better Call Saul · 283 quotes
