Tom Petty: It's good to get high...
Butt-head: It's good to get high?
Beavis: What kind of message is that sending?

Tori Amos: I got a bowling ball in my stomach, I got a desert in my mouth...
Butt-head: Is that Dave Mustaine?
Beavis: Yeah. [imitating Dave Mustaine] I'VE GOT A BOWLING BALL IN MY STOMACH, I GOT A DESERT IN MY MOUTH!
Butt-head: That was pretty good, Beavis.

Tori Amos: I wanna spit in their faces...
Butt-head: She's gonna spit on someone?
Beavis: Yeah! Go for it!
Butt-head: That would be pretty cool.

TV Reporter: An outbreak of tainted meat has struck the local Burger World, and once again raised the question of how meat should be handled.
Butt-head: Huhuhuh...ask the expert.
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head! (continues scratching)
TV Reporter: Pending a health inspection, Burger World will remain closed.
Beavis: This sucks!
Butt-head: Yeah! We lost our jobs!
Beavis: No! My weiner still itches!

TV voiceover: You're watching PBS.
Butt-head: He said "BS".
Beavis: But first he said "P".
[Both look in amazement at the documentary, and the lightning outside]

TV: The good news about rabies is that treating it no longer means a series of painful injections into the solar plexus. New vaccines require only 5 simple shots in the arm.
Butt-head: Hey Beavis. How come that stupid doctor didn't know that?
Beavis: Maybe he doesn't watch TV.
[switch to the Doctor, who is in a dark room wielding a needle]

Van Driessen: Hey, why's everybody honking?
Beavis [Whilst mooning at other cars]: Peek-a-boo!

van Driesson: Now people, do you know what I mean, when I say that animals are sentient creatures? Daria?
Daria: They think and feel just like us?
van Driesson: Wel just like most of us, anyway. And that brings us to our next class project. : Did you know people that a furrier is planning to set up a shop in this town ?
Butt-Head: Huh Huh, furrier than who? Huh Huh
Beavis: Heh Heh, Yeah Heh Heh
van Driesson: Who can tell me how they kill these poor little animals that they use to make those furs? Anybody?
Daria: Anal electrocution?
van Driesson: That's correct.
Beavis: What's that mean ?
van Driesson: Tell the class, Daria.
Daria: 50.000 Volts up the butt!
Butt-Head: Huh Huh, That'd be cool!
Beavis: Wonder what that feels like.
Butt-Head: Huh Huh, ask your Dad! Huh Huh
van Driesson: Do you wanna say something, Butt-Head?
Butt-Head: Er, Huh Huh, on behalf of the class I would like to propose a field trip so we can observe this freeing techniques!
van Driesson: I don't think so,Butt-Head! In fact, I think our duty as passengers on spaceship earth is to put a stop to these monstrous acts right away! So class, our assignment is a lesson in the people's power. We're going to take a petition door to door and collect enough signatures to keep the furriers out of town.
[Beavis & Butt-Head going from door to door]

Vince Neil: She's a knockdown, drag it out, pick it up, do it again...
Beavis: She's a knockdown, drag it out, pick it up, do it again...?
Butt-head: What does that mean? Who writes this crap?
Beavis: Yeah. This sucks.
Nine Inch Nails, March of the Pigs

Voiceover: Kill everything, kill everything...
Beavis: Yeah, okay! Kill everything. KILL EVERYTHING! Except me.
Butt-head: Dammit, Beavis. Don't you care about anybody but yourself?
Beavis: Um...uh...no. I don't care about anybody or anything, except me.
Butt-head: What about when I'm kicking your ass? Do you care about me then?
Beavis: Um...no, I just care about my ass. [In Cornholio accent] It is each man for himself! I will fight and die for myself!
Butt-head: Well, I guess that's a good thing because like, nobody likes you. And like, you can like, care about yourself, while I'm off scoring with chicks.

Wayne Coyne: She'll make you breakfast/She'll make you toast...
Beavis: He knows a chick who makes toast? So what?
Butt-head: Yeah. I can make toast.

Weight Lifter: You were supposed to be spotting me! Stickboy!
Butt-Head: Uh... There you are. Uhuhuh
Beavis: Yeah yeah, heh heh, I spotted you right over there.
Weight Lifter: [lifts them up by the neck and growls]
Beavis: [while choking] Heh heh hey, don't make me kick your ass.
[The weight lifter throws them through the window]

Woman in store: [to her pregnant friend] Girl, I can't believe you went and got yourself pregnant.
Beavis: You can get yourself pregnant?! AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH! [takes pregnancy test from woman] Gimme one of those!

Woman On TV: It couldn't be morning sickness. What about these cravings? Oh my God! I better NOT be PREGNANT!! Jake! Get me some nachos!

Woman on TV: Oh Steve, my career as a leading molecular biologist seems so far away.
Man: Yea, but I'm not.
Woman: Damn you're smooth. oooooohhhhh!
Butthead: Whoa! We gotta get us one of those!
Beavis: What, a testicular biologist?
Butthead: No dumbass, a beard. We don't score because chicks don't think we're manly enough.