Harry [answering his phone] um...Hello...?
Beavis uh...uh...YOU SUCK! [toilet flushes]

Harry [answering the phone] Yeah?
[Butt-Head manages to do number two whilst on the phone]
[toilet flushes]

Henry Rollins: So you think you're gonna live your life alone...
Beavis: Yeah!
Henry Rollins: ...in darkness and seclusion.
Beavis: Darkness rules!
Henry Rollins: ...and then you meet me.
Beavis: Yeah, I'd like to meet you. That'd be cool.
Butt-head: He's talking to a chick, Beavis.

Henry: [as Beavis and Butt-Head approach, thinking he is a werewolf] Women? Let me tell you something about women. They're all right. They're fiiiine when they don't know what's happening. I don't think you no listening to me! No listen to me! You no listen to me!!
Butt-Head: Uhh, thank you oh great master for your wisdom. But, uh, we were like wondering if you could like, bite us?
Beavis: Yeah me too.
Henry: You got a dollar?
Butt-Head: Uhh, we have gum.[offers gum]
Henry: Ah, like me gum! [ingests the gum and proceeds to ferociously bite Beavis and Butt-Head repeatedly]
Beavis: [amongst saying "ow"] Cool!
Butt-Head: [also saying "ow"] You don't have to go crazy!
Beavis: Okay that's enough!
Henry: [drops both boys] Ahhh, like me gum!
Beavis: [getting up and limping away] Dammit, that hurt.
Butt-Head: Don't worry, Beavis. It'll be worth it.

Hospital Receptionist: Can I help you?
Butt-head: Uh, he's got like, rabies or something.
Hospital Receptionist: I see. What's your name?
Butt-head: Uh, last name is 'Munch'. First name is 'Rodney'.
Beavis: Yeah, heh heh, yeah. Rod Munch.

Iggy Pop: If you live in Butt Town....
Butt-head: Yeah! If you live in Butt Town...
Iggy Pop: ...you gotta get down.
Butt-head: Yeah! You gotta get down!
Beavis: Butt Town! Yeah!
Butt-head: Butt Town rules.

Iggy Pop: The cops are well-groomed, with muscled physiques in Butt Town...
Butt-head: Butt Town?
Beavis: Yeah, that's what he said! He said Butt Town!
Butt-head: This is cool!
Beavis: Butt Town!

Immigration Officer: Hey, you! ¿Habla espa�ol?
Cornholio: Espa�ol? Es-bunghole!

Insert speaker's name:=== Feel a Cop ===

Jamie Walters: I don't wanna see you...
Beavis: I don't wanna see you either!
Butt-head: Yeah, really.
Beavis: Um, change the channel, come on Butt-head, or turn it off, or something.
Butt-head: Uhh, there's nothing else on.
Beavis: What happened to those cards?
Butt-head: Uhh, they're right here.
Beavis: Come on, let's play another round. I wanna win my two dollars back.
Butt-head: Uhh, okay. This game is called "Bunghole Surprise". [shuffles the cards]
Beavis: Cool!
Butt-head: First you take your cards, and then you, like, tell me what you have.
Beavis: Um, okay. [cut back to Beavis and Butt-head. The pair have now started their card game] I have two eights, and a nine, and a three, and a chick.
Butt-head: Uhh, okay. Dumbass. Uhh, okay, I'm gonna, like, get five new cards. Uhh, I bet eighteen dollars. And I won. So you owe me eighteen dollars, bunghole.
Beavis: No way, that's too much! I don't wanna play this anymore!
Butt-head: Uhh, okay. You don't wanna play, we'll just watch this video.
Beavis: Ah, no! Okay, I'll play. Um...okay, eighteen dollars.
Butt-head: Uhh, okay. I won.
Beavis: Dammit, really? How come I keep losing? I never win!
Mike Watt, Piss Bottle Man

Janet Jackson: Could you handle this?
Butt-head: Could you handle this, Beavis?
Beavis: Yeah, since I can handle this, I can probably handle that!

Janet Jackson: Shanna, will you hurry up and get your funky butt off the bed?
Beavis: Did you hear that? She just called her monkey butt!
Butt-head: Yeah. That was pretty cool!

Jenni Jwoww: When I'm 80 years old, and I'm teaching my kids how to make pizza, and they ask me, "Oh, where'd you make pizza?" Bitch, I made it in Florence! That's where I made pizza!
Beavis: So she's gonna call her grandkids, bitch?
Butt-Head: You're the best grandma ever, Grandma Jwoww.
Beavis: Yeah, please don't hit us again. Yeah, are Uncle Juice-Head and Grandpa Gorilla gonna help us make pizza?
Butt-Head: Grandma Jwoww, where did you get syphilis?
Beavis: Yeah, tell us that story, bitch!

Jill Sobule: ...such a hairy behemoth, she said...
Beavis: Hey, did you hear that, Butt-head? She said "Harry Behemoth".
Butt-head: Yeah.
Beavis: What does that mean?
Butt-head: You don't know?
Beavis: I think it, maybe, um...it had something to do with stools. Poop!
Butt-head: Damn it, Beavis, shut up! There are these two chicks that kiss in this video, and I don't want you talking about stools!

Jill Sobule: I kissed a girl.
Beavis: WAAAHHH!!!! BUTT-HEAD, SHE SAID SHE JUST KISSED A GIRL!!!
Butt-head: Damn it Beavis, I know! That's what I was trying to tell you when you were talking about stools.
Beavis: Wow, I'll be damned. Look at that, OHH!! Maybe they'll show it! This is gonna be cool!
Butt-head: [seeing Fabio] Whoa! It's Harry Behemoth!