Doctor: You kids are going to pay for those.
Butt-head: No problem dude, you want cash or should we go spank the monkey again.
Beavis: Yeah.
Mr. Stevenson: What the hell!? These are the boy geniuses you're talking about!? What's so funny you little twerps!? I'LL SPANK YOUR MONKEYS!!!

Dr. Dre: Word up, this is Dr. Dre.
Beavis: Yeah yeah, it's Dre! Check it out, it's Dre! Droppin' plates on yo' ass, beotch!
Butt-head: Yeah! The D-R-E, out on a robbin' spree. A straight G.
Beavis: Um, you don't do that very good, Butt-head. It's like this: The D-R-E! A straight G!

Dr. Floss: [holds up a picture--merely a random pattern] What do you see in this picture?
Butt-head: It's this dude, and he's like "auditioning his finger puppets". Huh huh.
Beavis: Yeah. Yeah. He's "shining his helmet".
Dr. Floss: I see. And what do you see here? [holds up another picture of random shapes]
Butt-head: Whoa... He's really corralling the tadpole.
Beavis: Yeah. Yeah. He's really peelin some chilis.
Dr. Floss: I see. What about this one? [holds up another picture of no particular shape]
Butt-head: Woah... Leave a little for next time, dude!
Beavis: Yeah. Yeah. He's really, like, having a tug-of-war with Cyclops!
Dr. Floss: I see.
Butt-head: [takes the picture and looks at it] Paper or plastic, sir?
Butt-head: Huhuh...he's masturbating.
Dr. Floss: And how about this last drawing? [shows a picture of a Julio Iglesias-like singer holding his microphone pole between his legs in a suggestive manner]
Butt-head: Uhh...that's, like, just a bunch of weird shapes.
Dr. Floss: Fascinating. [calls for Principal McVicker via intercom] Principal McVicker, could you come in here? We've got big problems.

Dr. Floss: How about your parents? Your mother, for example. How do you feel about your mother?
Beavis: Um, like this...(gesturing the shape of his mother's body) Yeah. Heh-heh. Kinda like this...(continuing to gesture).
Butt-head: That's not how I feel your mother.
Beavis: Shut up, fartknocker!
[slaps Butt-headdown to the floor]

Dr. Leibowitz: Let's try to see exactly what the problem is. Now, I'm going to run some tests to gauge your ability to become aroused.
Butt-head: Cool.
Dr. Leibowitz: Now, I'm going to show you some photographs. When you begin to feel aroused, just raise your hand. Now...[he sees that Beavis and Butt-head have already raised their hands]
Beavis: Um, are these pictures of the chicks we're gonna get to score with?
Dr. Leibowitz: Well, yes, if you find that helps, that would be an excellent way to think of them.
Butt-head: Cool. Bring 'em on.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. [mock-Arabic accent] Which lucky girls will be fit to join my harem?
Dr. Leibowitz: Uh, okay. Here's the first image. [holds up a photo of a model in lingerie]
Butt-head: [both raise their hands] Yes! I'll take her!
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, me too. [turns to Butt-head] I saw her first, dillhole!
Dr. Leibowitz: Hmm. Let's go on. [holds up another photo]
Butt-head: Whoa! [raises his hand]
Beavis: Wha-ha! Boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing!!
Dr. Leibowitz: Interesting. Beavis, why didn't you raise your hand this time? Didn't you find the image exciting?
Butt-head: [looks at Beavis] Uhh, Beavis' hands are busy, sir.

Drunken man: What do you want ?
Butt-Head: Huh Huh, check this out! We're givin away beer! Just sign here!

Edie Brickell: Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep.
Butt-head: She said "deep."
Edie Brickell: Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep!
[Butt-head laughs]
Edie Brickell: Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep!
[Butt-head laughs again]
Edie Brickell: Choke me in the shallow water before I get too...
Butt-head, Edie Brickell: ...deep!
Beavis: This chick is deep.

Edie Brickell: What I am is what I am...
Butt-head: "What I am." Didn't Popeye say that?
Beavis: Yeah! They ripped this off from Popeye.
Paul Broucek, Hollywood Halloween

Evan Seinfeld: Tales from the hard side!
Butt-head: Tales from the hard side? Is that like, stories about stiffies?
Beavis: Yeah, it's like, once upon a time, I had a stiffy, and I lived happily ever after, and that's my tale from the hard side. Thank you, I'm Beavis. Good night.
Butt-head: If I had a story for every stiffy I ever had, I'd have uh...several stories.
Beavis: Yeah yeah, me too.

Family guy: God, it's good to be back home huh again? What a trip!
Beavis: Hey Butt-head, they weren't even home.
Butt-head: That sucks!
[Beavis and Butt-head return home.]

Farrah's Nurse: [showing Farrah waivers] This is where you sign your life away.
Butt-Head: Okay-where-do-I-sign?

Farrah:I just got my loan for the breast augmentation...
Butt-Head: I-just-got-my-loan-for-the-breast-augmentation-
[Beavis, drinking a soda spits it out in surprise]

Female shopper: Ugh! White trash, lousy officer, piece of... [sighs in disgust and walks away]
[The security guard began to laugh stupidly as Beavis and Butt-head laughs with him]

Frank Sinatra: I've got you under my skin...
Butt-head: He said "skin."
Beavis: [Laughs] "Skin."
Skee-Lo, I Wish