Cornholio: [arriving Mexico] Aaahh, is this Nicaragua? I will take this land for my bunghole! Long live the almighty bunghole!
Cornholio: [going to Mexico] I'm the great Cornholio. There will be TP for everyman. No man should be without TP.

Cornholio: I am Cornholio; I need T.P. for my bunghole. I want all your crappuccino!
Butt-head: Do it, brother Beavis!
Cornholio: Are you threatening me!? You do not want to face the wrath of my bunghole! My bunghole it goes bungo chungo rungo raaaaapapapapapapa! And one for you! Rrrrpagh!

Cornholio: You must feed the almighty bunghole!

Customer: I want a bacon cheeseburger with extra mayo, a want a large chocolate shake, two orders of onion rings, an apple pie, and a diet cola.
Beavis: You said 'pie.' That's funny, right?

Cyco Miko: ...I'll figure it out myself, but they just keep bugging me...
Butt-head: This dude's under a lot of stress.
Beavis: [ranting] Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, people say "Hey Beavis, maybe we can talk about it, you'll feel better". I say "Just leave me alone, and I'll figure it out by myself", and they keep saying "Beavis, Beavis", and like, I don't know what to do...
Butt-head: Come on, shut up, Beavis! About once a year they play something cool, and you have to talk through it.
Beavis: Oh yeah. This is cool.
Superchunk, Package Thief

Cyco Miko: Sometimes I try to do things, and it just doesn't work out the way I want it to...
Beavis: Yeah, yeah! Sometimes I try to do things, and it doesn't work out the ways I want it to, and...
Butt-head: Shut up, Beavis!
Cyco Miko: ...it's like, I concentrate on it real hard, but it just doesn't work out...
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like, people always say "Hey Beavis. Beavis, we know you've been having a lot of problems".
Butt-head: Shut up, Beavis!
Beavis: Yeah, but it's just, I get all frustrated, and I start, like, kicking stuff and burning things, and...
Butt-head: Settle down, Beavis! I feel your pain.
Beavis: Yeah, me too.

Dale Bozzio: Do you hear me?
Beavis: [Mocking] Do you hear me?
Dale Bozzio: Do you care?
Butt-head: Do I care? No!
Beavis: Yeah, I don't care! Hell, I just don't care about anything!
Moist, Push

Daria: And when this "magic bullet" went into the President's chest, it had to make a sharp turn in order to exit his body from the neck. Then it would have had to turn right, then left, and somehow have enough energy to hit the Governor in the front seat. Clearly, the assassination was a conspiracy.
Mr. Van Driessen Thank you, Daria. That gave me the chills. Folks, these have been some of the best oral reports I have ever heard!
Butt-Head: Huhuhuh...oral.
Beavis: Yeah, heheh, I'm going to do an anal report.

Daria: You guys will never graduate.
Butt-Head: Uhh... never masturbate?
Daria: Graduate! It's when you're all done with school.
Beavis: You mean, like, school ends?
Mr. Van Driessen: That's right, Beavis. When you finish high school, you'll never have to take another class if you don't want to. But that's not going to happen if you don't give your oral report right now.

Daria: Butt-head, why don't you try this experiment? Analyze the friction caused by digitally oscillating your weiner.
[Beavis and Butt-head both laugh]

Daria: He said master painters!
[Daria exits]

Dave: Now it's time for you boys to earn your keep. Look in the glove box.
Butt-head: [opens the glove compartment and pulls out two condoms] Oh no, Dave's gonna boof us.
"----

Dean: Like, 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall?
Van Driessen: Good, Dean. But beer and driving don't mix. How about 99 Bottles of Tea on the Wall. Or we could try some other arrangement.
Cars behind the bus are honking their horns.

Doctor: Hahahaha! Rod Munch, huh? HAHAHAHA!

Doctor: So Rod, I understand you got bit by a dog. Well, don't be scared, cause look: a dog bit my thumb off once too, Rod. [does trick that makes it look like he's taking his thumb off]
Butt-head: Uh huh huh. You're stupid.
Beavis: Heh, yeah.
Doctor: Now Rod, I don't suppose you brought the animal with you?
Butt-head: Uh, no. He wasn't like, very friendly.
Beavis: Yeah, heh, he doesn't like me.
Doctor: Well, we'll have to find him anyway. In a suspected case of rabies, the animal has to be destroyed, of course. And to check for presence of the disease, he cut off the head and disect the brain.
Butt-head: Woah. That's cool.
Doctor: Actually, yes. It is kind of cool.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Come on, Butt-head, let's go find that dog.
Doctor: Not so fast, Rod. Let's talk about your symptoms first. Any dizziness? Nausea? Fever? Any convulsions?
Beavis: Yeah. Heh, uh, no more than usual though.
Doctor: Hmm, so far nothing checks out. Maybe you were lucky.
Butt-head: Uh, you mean like, no decrapitation?
Beavis: I've got it, I've got rabies!
Doctor: ...okay. I'll call the police and let them know about the dog. But first, we better start treatment.
Butt-head: Does he have to get a shot?
Doctor: No.
Beavis: Cool.
Doctor: You have to get 18 of them, Rod.
Butt-head: Yes!
Doctor: In the stomach.
Butt-head: Cool!
Beavis: ....this sucks.