Buzzcut: Are you a man?
Butt-head: Uhhh, yeah.
Buzzcut: What makes you think so?
Butt-head: Uhhh, I got testicles.
Buzzcut: You think that makes you a man? I'll show you a real man... kick me in the jimmy.
Butt-head: No way!
Buzzcut: I said do it!
[Butt-head kicks him in the nuts, Buzzcut strains]

Buzzcut: Beavis!
Beavis: AAAAH! [Scared]
Buzzcut: DAMMIT YOU WILL LISTEN WHEN I'M TALKIN'!!!
Beavis: No way! I'm sick of school and I'm sick of you!
Buzzcut: WHAT?!?! YOU GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!! I'LL SEE YOU IN DETENTION!!!
Beavis: OK, cool.

Buzzcut: I am beginning to wonder if you boys have ever taken a shower in your lives. What in the hell do you think you're doing with your underwear still on?
Beavis: Um, we don't want anybody looking at our nads.
Butt-head: Yeah, are you one of those gym teachers that likes to hang out and watch dudes in the shower?
Buzzcut: Dammit, boys, you have pushed me to the limit! You're not getting out of it this time! I'm gonna tear your - [the fire alarm begins to go off] That's the fire alarm! Now hurry up and get out of here!
Butt-Head: Dude, we have been saved by the power supreme.
Beavis: Yeah, fire drills rule.
Buzzcut: Are you deaf? That's the fire alarm! Get the hell out of here now!
Butt-Head: Uhhh... We're just gonna like, get dressed first.
Beavis: We'll be right out. See you later.
Buzzcut: That is a FIRE ALARM! That means the school may be burning down! Now if you don't get the hell out of here, I'm gonna personally grab you by the grundies AND DRAG YOU OUTSIDE IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE STUDENT BODY! SO GET THE HELL OUT! NOW!
[Next to the entrance]

Buzzcut: Listen up, morons. Some short-sighted federal appeals judge says I can't use this on you. [pats batton] But remember this: In this classroomm, I am the judge, the jury and the jailer!
Butt-head: [to Beavis] Does it hurt when I do this? [pokes the bite with the pointy end of a compass]
Beavis: OOOOW!
Butt-head: Huh, that was cool.
Buzzcut: Do you gentlemen have a problem? Do you wish to enlighten the class as to what is festering on your leg, Beavis?
Beavis: Heh, dog bite.
Buzzcut: Well. I thought you looked rabid, boy. Now listen close. Get the hell out of my classroom before you infect anyone else with your sickness! You stink of death! Butt-head! This man requires immediate medical attention!
Butt-head: ...uh....
Buzzcut: HOSPITAL, Butt-head! On the double!
Butt-head: Yessss!

Buzzcut: Now, Butt-head! You've waited your whole life to say this in class without getting in any trouble. Our topic for today is? [SEXUAL INTERCOURSE is written on the board]
Butthead: [with mouth wired shut, unable to talk clearly] SEFUAL INTERCOWSE!
Buzzcut: Say it, you pantywaste! Say it!
Butthead: [still muffled] SEFUAL INTERCOWSE!
Buzzcut: Get out of my class you insuboridnated maggot! Beavis! What does this say?
Beavis: [wearing unneeded glasses, cannot read] Uh...uh...uh...
Buzzcut: GET OUT!

Buzzcut: Soooo, Beavis and Butthead. I understand Mr. McVicker has made a little arrangement with you guys, yeah a little probation. You see, class, Beavis and Butthead here, are not allowed to laugh for a whole week. That's right, and if they do laugh, they'll be expelled and they'll have to go to Hope High School where they'll get their asses kicked on a daily basis by all the other delinquents! Ha ha ha!
[class giggles, except for Beavis and Butthead who struggle to hold their laughter]
Buzzcut: Well I was real glad to hear that because this is Sex Education week. That's right, Sex Ed week! [Beavis and Butt-head struggle to hold in their laughter] We're gonna be talking about the PENIS! We'll be talking about the VAGINA! Do you think that's funny, Butthead?! Do you find it amusing that we'll be talking about the testicles?! [Butt-head strans to hold in his laughter] Yes we're also gonna be talking about Venereal Disease. Sexual intercourse! The Scrotum. The Clitoris. And...And we will definitely be spending a LOT of time talking about MASTURBATION! [class giggles; Beavis and Butt-head struggle to hold in their laughter] Well, now that's out of the way, let's take roll. Butkis!
Butkiss: Here. Ha ha ha.
Buzzcut: Gaylord! Hymen!
[school bell rings and Beavis and Butt-head dart out of the doors, rapidly laughing]
Butt-head: Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh, huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh...
Beavis: Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh, heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh...
Note: This is the DVD cut version which was edited to be exactly 6 minutes. In the original version, Buzzcut also says that they will be talking about the "scrotum" and "clitoris," but does not take roll of the names with obvious vulgar connotations. Also, a scene at the end in which Beavis and Butt-head say "They said penis...they said masturbation...they said vagina...that was cool" is not present.

Buzzcut: Where in the hell do you think you're going?
Butt-head: Uhhh... to class?
Beavis: Umm.. yeah, yeah, to class, me too.
Buzzcut: Maybe you didn't hear me when I told you to hit the showers!
Butt-head: Uhh, we thought you were like, talking to somebody else?
Buzzcut: I was talking to everybody!
Butt-head: But like, uhh... we didn't sweat.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If it's all the same sir, um, I'd just like to wait till I get home to take a shower. That'll be great.
Buzzcut: Look at you boy! You're covered in crap!
Beavis: Uhmmm... That was last week. This is blood, sir.
Buzzcut: Name of this class is Physical Education! And that includes proper personal hygiene! Hit the showers now, or fail!
Butt-head: Uhhh... Well, it looks kinda crowded in there.
Buzzcut: Do I have to undress you myself, Butt-head?
Butt-head: Uh, no?
Beavis: no?
[On taking a shower at school]

Buzzcut: You are what you eat! You got three food groups, and they sure as hell ain't fries, Chips Ahoy, and Milk Duds! And you all wonder why your faces look like topographic maps of the Himalayas!

Buzzcut: Yyyyeessss! Do it again! do it HARD!
[Butt-head kicks him again, Buzzcut strains]

Buzzcut: Yyyyeessss!!
Butt-head: Whoa, that was cool.

Buzzcutt: Now, here to talk about your feelings is your new school psychiatrist, Dr. Floss.

Buzzcutt: Now, listen up people. I am not an unreasonable man, but I say that there's nothing wrong with you little monsters that can't be cured by a quick return to the days of CORPOREAL PUNISHMENT!

Chris Cornell (Ben Shepherd): All my friends are Indians (all my friends are brown and red)...
Beavis: All his friends are brown and red? What's that supposed to mean?
Butt-head: Uhh, it means they're, like, turds. He's telling his friends that they suck.

Coach Buzzcut:(Reading Beavis and Butt-head's self written note) Please excuse Beavis and Butt-head from wearing althetic sip-otters. They were unable to buy them because of a national sip-otter shortage. Hell that's funny boys.
[Shows Beavis and Butt-head a front page with themselves wearing an eye patch as Athletic Guard.]
Coach Buzzcut: Accortding to the school press, you had no problem at all locating the necessary equipment.

Cop on a van loundspeaker: Attention citizens there has been a small failure in a turbine at the electric plant. Power will be restored shortly. Cititzens are advies to store fresh water and canned goods. Ur uh, you should have already done that, well I hope you did.