Batman Season 1 quotes

Joker

Batman and Boy Wonder? Are your blindfolds in place? Very well, then. Ask yourselves, "What is wrong with this sentence?" "He who laughs last laughs good!" [laughs]

Robin

Holy grammar! Is that all?

Batman

He who laughs last laughs best, not good! Best! Best! Best!

Robin

Do you suppose "blindfold" might have something to do with it?

Alfred

If I may venture an opinion, sir, I think Master Dick may have put his finger on it.

Batman

Blindfold?

Alfred

No, sir. Grammar. The sentence was gramatically incorrect. One does not laugh good, sir. One laughs well.

Batman

Why, that's it, Alfred! Laughs well! Laughwell! Professor James J. Laughwell!

Robin

Holy safari! The one that just got back from Africa, with a collection of rare masks and objects of art!

Alfred

That's where the blindfold part would come in, sir.

Batman

And they're being stored at the Lasts Longer Warehouse! To the Batmobile!

Batman

Poor devil...forced to live in an air-conditioned suit that keeps his body temperature down to 50 degrees below zero! No wonder his mind is warped.

[after freezing Batman & Robin] I'm sorry, Batman. I wanted to toy with you a little longer, but that is the way the ice cube crumbles!

Batman

[Insisting that he be substituted for a hostage against the strong opposition of Gordon and O'Hara] Sorry, Diamante is the idol of millions of impressionable young lads who look up to him. He must live to inspire the youth of today who will be the men of tomorrow.

Batman

Mr. Freeze, give yourself up. We can get help for you... medical help!

In prison? This I do not believe. No, you must PAY for what you did to me, for forcing me to live like this: never again to know the warmth of a summer breeze, never to feel the heat of burning logs in vintertime! Revenge. That is what I need! Revenge! I will have revenge!

Robin

Diamente means diamond in Italian.

Dick

Wow! The rings of Saturn! This is sure some fun, Bruce.

Bruce

Astronomy is more than mere fun, Dick.

Dick

It is?

Bruce

Yes, it helps give us a sense of proportion. Reminds us how little we are, really. People tend to forget that sometimes.

Dick

Gosh yes, that's right. I'll bet I see those rings a little differently this time!

Robin

[to Zelda The Great] We've got you bank bandit!

Robin

Holy Hole in a Doughnut. What happened?

Oh, it seems such a waste. They are such handsome creatures.

Shut up!

Eivol, Eivol, can I help being a woman?

Shut up, I said!

Robin

Look at her. Glycerin tears.

Batman

No, Robin. Real.

Some other lifetime, Batman?

Batman

Perhaps, some other lifetime.

Gee, I've never met royalty before! It's pretty thrilling!

Riddler

Royalty? You've never met royalty? And just whom do you think stands before you, my cherub? I am The Prince Of Puzzlers, The Count Of Conundrums, The King Of Crime! I hold court here, no one else!!!

Robin

Gosh, there could be diplomatic repercussions if we fail this time, Batman.

Batman

That's not the point, Robin. What's important is that the world know that all visitors to these teeming shores are safe, be they peasant or king.

Robin

Gee, Batman, I never thought of that. You're right.

Batman

It's the very essence of our democracy.

Riddler

So many people have tried...The Penguin, Mr. Freeze, The Joker, all masters of their craft, granted, but I, only I have succeeded in ridding Gotham's criminal kingdom of The Dynamic Duo!

Riddler

Rats, I am a man of a few words, but a man of many Riddles, so riddle me this: what is it that is always coming, but never arrives?! [No one answers] Quickly, quickly!

Uh, we ain't tuned in on the Riddle bit, chief!

Yeah! We give up! What is it that is always coming, but never arrives?

Riddler

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Riddler

Tomorrow. For when it arrives, it is today, and today, my dear rodents, should prove to be most memorable!

Bruce

When we have more time, I'll acquaint you with the various processes of sculptoring. It's a fascinating art to which I have devoted many hours of study.

Dick

I sure would like to hear about it, Bruce.