Oh dear Lord, if this is a test, I fear I may fail. And I thought it would be the booze or the fags but oh no! I'm gonna die in an underground vault, in the company of a posh, mouthy tart with a head full of brains and the common sense of a grain weevil.
S1 E4The Missing Link
Very nice, very poppy. Don't expect me to dance, though.
I am trying to find out who murdered this man. If that makes me a fascist, then "Heil bloody Hilter!"
S1 E5The Smoking Gun
[Alex, Gene, Chris and Ray have walked into a hotel room minutes after Neary has had gay sex. Chris opens up a briefcase that turns out to be full of sex toys. He holds up a dildo and inspects it.]
He must have bloody big ears.
Wrong orifice, Chris. It's a butt plug.
['Chris looks at it, still puzzled.]
It goes up your arse, Chris!
[Gene mistakenly believes that Alex was a hooker after she explains her cover for an investigation, and after setting him straight says he might have 'fancied a punt'.]
Hang on, hang on! Now this is worth getting straight. I'm imagining you, imagining paying for sex with me, in my imaginary role, as an imaginary street whore.
You must have a filthy mind.
Like an absolute sewer, apparently.
Can we concentrate please on the crimes he commits and not whose cock he sucks?
What am I doing here really? What is the point of all this?
To dress like a tart. Wiggle your arse in my direction, and fill my days with glimpses of the depths of your depraved mind. It's good enough for me, Bolly.
S1 E6Over the Hill
You know some people get Pick Of The Pops, I get Pick Of The Twats [Looks at Chris]
Oh ye of little faith.
All hail the mighty Quattro.
Excuse me, THAT is evidence!
Wouldn't worry about it, 'cause you're off the case.
Oh, off the case?!
Off the case and off the team.
Ooh, off the team?
Yes! Actually no, you can clean my car out.
I'm off the team. [Turns to leave]
Well, you're back on it!
Drake, I want you making my car smell nice again. Drake, get back here! Drake! What are you ...? You're off the team!
[Gene has just rescued an unconscious Alex.]
[Opening her shirt] I've bloody dreamt about doing this.
[Gene begins to give chest compressions to Alex]
Don't you dare!
[Gene checks to see if she is breathing. Realizing she is not, he goes to give her mouth to mouth. Right before he can do it, she wakes up]
[Putting her hand on Gene's face, obviously dazed] I figured it out. I made the connections, and, I solved it. And you saved me. And if you saved me, maybe I can save them.
[Putting his hand on Alex's head] Yeah, I think it's called concussion.
S1 E7Charity Begins At Home
The mind's an amazing organ...
I've got an amazing organ.
... capable of much more than you could imagine.
Right again.
[Gill Hollis is shooting at the CID]
[running] Get in, quick!
Get back, we're under attack!
What do you mean, attack!?
[The CID run through the door. Gene falls on top of Alex]
Shoot at my place! Bloody bastids!
[Suddenly, the shooting stops]
It's stopped.
Shh, shh, shh... Chris! Give us a gun!
Oh shit, I must have left it in the car...
GHGill Hollis
Hunt! Hunt, come out and face me!
Well what a surprise. It's that lovely lad who does the charity work.
Well get off me then!
[Gene gets off of Alex. They sit up and realize one of the bullet holes lines up perfectly with her head]
I propose, that given your reaction to the gender balance of the gang, that this is their first job.
What, New Kids On The Block?
Now that's a good name for a boy band!
SSSharon 'Shaz' Granger
Gov.
Chris, Take That! It's the dodgy second hand car dealers. East 17!
Alright, Backstreet Boys.
Yeah, let’s get 'em Busted!
Ooh God! I'm gonna scream!
All right, I'm putting a end to this.
No, no, you can't go!
[Alex grabs Gene's hand]
Somebody is going to die!
I am not going to die in a trattoria!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Ashes to Ashes pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.