Yakko Warner quotes from Animaniacs (2020)

Yakko

So, it's agreed. In today's episode of Animaniacs, the Warners will torment a... [selects an idea] narcoleptic...

Dot

[also selects one] Dairy cow who's also a...

Wakko

[selects one, using his tongue] Vampire? [he and Dot both sigh]

Yakko

Hey, this is... [sighs] Who am I kidding? Face it, guys. We're out of ideas.

Dot

It does feel like we've been doing a lot of the heavy lifting in this reboot.

Wakko

Yeah. Didn't this show used to have more characters?

Yakko

You know, you're right. Whatever happened to Rita and Runt, Minerva Mink, the Hip Hippos, Steven Seagull, Chicken Boo, Buttons, Walter Wolf...

Dot

[sees the wedding ring on Grubb's finger] A wedding ring? Why... [look at Grubb's gross face] ...you must have a great personality.

Wakko

Or he's rich.

Yakko

[whispers] Could be a green card marriage.

[backing away; composing himself] Là Señora Grubb loves me very much, thank you!

Yakko

[backing away] Wait, wait, Dot, you don't have to turn anything cute.

Dot

[closer to Yakko] Yes! Yes I will!

Yakko

NO! NO! I'M THE ONE WHO YAKS!!! Uhhh...I'VE GOT THE RAKEST CHARM ABOUT ME!!!

Dot

Don't fight it! [using her cute eye beams on Yakko, who turns cute; squeals, turns to Wakko]

Wakko

[shrugs] I'll try anything once. [turns to cute]

Dot

We did it! Everything's back to normal!

Yakko

Well, almost.

Wakko

[shrugs] Eh, close enough.

Dot

That's supposed to be me?! I do not look, sound, or probably smell like that!

Yakko

Oh, that's what everybody says when they see themselves on camera.

Yakko

I'd keep an eye on this guy if I were you. Hahaha!

Wakko

Gah! Clown!

No!

[eerily; singsong] They're back!

Wakko

Office of Dr. Otto Von Scratchansniff. Yes! Still practicing.

Yakko

Wow! He's still practicing?! Well. He'll figure out how to do it eventually.

Dot

Dr. Scratchansniff! Oh, we haven't seen you all season!

[as the tigers proceed to maul him] SOMEBODY, GRAB THESE PUSSY-

Yakko

[quickly] Goodnight, everybody!

CATS!!! OWW!!!

Yakko

Does anybody wanna say a few words?

Wakko

Sure! Ahem. Mustard, umbrella, Borborygmus! [his stomach growls]

Dot

That was beautiful, Wakko.

Wakko

In all seriousness, folks, the internet can be a treacherous place. Be careful not to submit your personal information to third parties.

Yakko

Thank you, Wakko. In fact, there is only one website you can trust: www.dotwarnermalwarevirusspreaderidentitythefttrojanhorsebotcom.edy.

Dot

Order now, and use the promo code Suckers to add 50% on your purchase!

Mom! This is worse than my quinceañera! Stop embarrassing me, and get off my stage! [points to the Warner siblings] And send these three back where they came from. I'm guessing Dr. Seuss' garbage can.

Wakko

Alright! We'll see ya!

Yakko

[holding him back] Ooh! Hang on. I think Dot's about to blow.

Dot

[steams up furiously and explodes; thrives over to Cora] How dare you! You're talking to Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca III!

Well, I am Queen Cora Nora Bora Bora Angora Dora Norita IV!

Dot

Are you sure? [gets up into Cora's face] Because it feels like I'm talking to a spoiled brat whose mommy gets her everything she wants!

That's not true! [pushes Dot off of her] I asked for an ice sculpture of a dolphin, but this is clearly a porpoise!

Nora

Don't worry, sweetie. Mama will fix this. She'll make it a dolphin for you.

Yakko

I don't get it.

Dot

I don't get it.

Wakko

I don't get it.

Yakko

Now, that one I get.

Dot

Finally, some real art!

At least someone appreciates my exquisite physique.

Dot

I don't get it.

Wakko

Me neither.

Yakko

Well, sibs, maybe our brains aren't sophisticated enough for this, huh? We're just silly kids with silly thoughts. Like, I don't know, what was the best thing before sliced bread?

Dot

And why do they have interstate highways in Hawaii? And why do we take the bus when the bus is the one taking us?

Wakko

And how come the letter W is called "double U," but the letter M isn't called "double N"?

Yakko

Good question, Wakko. And if you ate pasta and anti‐pasta, wouldn't a black hole open in your stomach?

Dot

And why is mixed fruit called a fruit salad, but mixed cheese is called a cheese board?

Wakko

Why would you ever look a gift horse in the mouth unless you were a qualified horse dentist?

Dot

[walks back into the water tower as the weather pours down rain; disappointed] Well, looks like the company picnic's gonna be canceled. [sits on the sofa]

Wakko

[dismayed] Aw, man. But I love the company picnic! They got games, and food, and games you play with food.

Yakko

Yeah. Even though we're never invited, I really do look forward to getting kicked out every year.

Dot

Guess we could just watch WebPix until the weather clears up.

Wakko

WebPix? Is that like, Net‐‐

Yakko

Exactly! It's a streaming service, loaded with thousands of the world's finest TV shows and movies.

Wakko

With all those options, how will we choose what to watch?

Dot

Well, that's the best part. Well, since every single thing on WebPix is top notch, we can just watch the first thing that comes up.

Dot

Can't take it anymore.

Wakko

Me neither. Can't we just play food games since we missed the company picnic?

Yakko

Oh, absolutely. We can do anything as long as we don't scroll through WebPix anymore. I've had a little too much of "the golden age of television." [throws the remote aside]

Should we watch that?

Nah. Animaniacs is way too meta.