One day you will find that this (curling Mike's hand into a fist) is the only answer.
Mike: What I've learned is that "this"...only gets you "this" (holding up the other fist.)
S3Archie Is Branded
S3Everybody Tells the Truth
MMike
(regarding the restaurant) We'd thought you'd like this place.
Archie: What would make you think that?
Mike: It's cheap.
EAEvil Archie
You dumb meatheaded, unemployed, oversexed pinko Professor of Polack you!
Good Mike: Those are not very kind things to say. But I'll try to do better.
EMEvil Mike
You're saying I'm the one that broke the refrigerator. Well, I'm not the only one who uses it, you know! I'm not the only one who eats around here, you know! We all eat! You eat as much as I do!
Evil Gloria: Michael's right, daddy. He's right and he's always right! Did you hear me? He's always right!
Good Archie: Well of course he is, he's a college boy.
EJEvil Jack
You best tell the dude this house call's gonna cost him 32 bills, for openers.
Evil Repairman: And sixteen bucks for every five minutes after the half-hour.
Good Archie: Very reasonable.
GRGood Repairman
Before it broke down, was the light working, Mrs. Bunker?
Edith: Well, off and on.
Good Repairman: How do you mean?
Edith: Well, on when I opened it... and off when I closed it.
EJEvil Jack
You know something? You irritate me.
Good" Archie: Maybe we can sit down and discuss it, and I'll learn how to improve myself.
Mike: (back in the restraunt) You're crazy! You are crazy! You never talked that rational in your life!
Archie: I don't talk rational, because I make sense!
S3Gloria the Victim
Do for your own—take care of your own, that's the rule. That's what we done here today. We took care of our own.
S3The Battle of the Month
God don't make no mistakes, that's how he got to be God.
Read your story of Adam & Eve there. They had it pretty soft there in paradise, they didn't have no worries, they didn't even know they was naked! And Eve, she wasn't satisfied with that, see? And one day, against direct orders she made poor Adam eat that apple. God got sore, He told them "Get your clothes on and get the hell outta here."
"Nothing" just came into my mind.
Archie: It must have felt right at home there.
How dare (Mike) calls me a bonehead?
Gloria: And how did you hear that? Did you have your little ears pressed against the wall?
Archie: No!
Edith: He listened with this glass.
MMike
You!
Archie: What?
Mike: YOU!
Archie: What!
Mike: GAAAAAAHHHH!
Archie: (to Edith) He made more sense when he was coming through the glass.
So before you two start saying things to each other that you can never take back, stop. And think how much you really mean to each other.
Do you think I'm something?
Archie: You, Edith, are something else.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's All in the Family pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.