[the next day, ALF is groaning from drinking the tequila he had last night]
Willie, what's that?
I don't know. It sounds like an alien groaning, and groping his way along the hall.
That's what I thought. ALF, what are you doing?
Groaning and groping, and looking for a place to do the technicolor yawn. Ohhh.
What's the matter?
I've been poisoned, Willie. Earth germs. I saw it in "War of the Worlds." Before aliens can destroy the planet, the earth germs get them.
What are you talking about?
My tongue feels hairy.
Your tongue is hairy.
What did you eat?
Just the usual, everything. It's what I drank.
What did you drink?
I think they call it tequila.
You have a hangover.
You shouldn't be drinking.
Hey, I'm over 21. I'm over 221.
You got into the liquor cabinet?
No, Maura got into the liquor cabinet.
You saw her? She saw you?
Yeah, now we're seeing each other. I don't think it's going to work out. She's a booze hag.
[angrily] That is NOT true! I WON'T HAVE YOU INSULTING MY FRIENDS! DO YOU HEAR ME?
Oh boy, do I! This isn't a criticism, Willie. But your wife's voice seems unusually grating this morning.
Drinking is not good.
Tell me about it. I'm off the sauce forever. It's that Hooch Monger you have to worry about.
Will you stop insulting Kate's friend?
What would you call her?
Her name is Maura. It's always been Maura. Except in college, we called her Boilermaker.
She played ball for purdue?
She drank 14 boilermakers in one night. I guess we thought it was funny, at the time.
Kate, I would like to apologize for losing my temper. If you will apologize for what you said about Maura.
Apology accepted and given. If you'll excuse me, I have to drive the porcelain bus. [runs to Kate and Willie's bathroom]
Is he really that hung over?
Apparently. Maybe we ought to what sort of shape Boilermaker is in. I mean Maura. What shape Maura's in.
Boilermaker? Did you say boilermaker?
Yeah, that's what we called her in college.
Why did you call her that?
Because she drank too much. Let's face it, Kate. She still does.
You think that she's an alcoholic?
I don't know. I think you should talk to her.
But, honey. She's so successful, motivated and miserable.
More from this episode
All quotes from this episode →More ALF quotes · These quotes come from Wikiquote's ALF pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.