Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season 1 quotes

You forgot to mention the fact that your former boss had died and come back to life before.

Mack

That's not what this is.

Are you sure? This LMD theory's not panning out. LMDs don't have DNA.

Yo-Yo

We didn't bring him back to life trust me. That was a hot topic.

Well, maybe he never died in the first place. You love secrets, Melinda. Anything you want to share?

Mack

Hey, take it easy.

May

I was there until the very end. He's gone. You have no right to question that. Find me a way to kill that thing out there pretending to be him. And if that's too hard, you know your way back to the bar.

That sounds nice right about now. And good luck sorting out this evidence alone.

Mack

Okay, that's enough. Now, is this the DNA you're talking about?

Yeah. This is a sample from the convenience store. At first, I thought it was alien radiation markers I've never seen, foreign methyl groups. Strip that all away, and what you have left is a 100-percent match for Phillip J. Coulson.

Sarge

A little plain, don't you think? What about the pieces you save for your most loyal customers? The ones you don't keep in these cases? Price is not an issue here.

I could pull some items from our vault for you.

Sarge

The vault. That sounds impressive. I know. Right now, you're sizing me up, wondering how much paper money a guy like me has to spend. Could be a big sale. Your heart rate goes up a little. Can you feel it?

We always do our best to meet our customers' needs.

Sarge

Oh, don't worry about me. I'll be leaving satisfied. Worry about you, your heart rate, because it's about to go nuts when we rob this place. People fantasize about doing something heroic in times like these, but I'd save your own skin.

That word, "Coulson." What does that mean?

Sarge

I don't know. But it rings a bell.

Enoch

It will be challenging to conceal that we have murdered the Controller. The crew will be labeled mutineers, a death sentence in this section of space.

Fitz

So we'd need to sneak off the ship.

Enoch

It is possible you and I could escape by submerging ourselves in the Xandarian snail tanks before they're unloaded. But the other crew members...

Fitz

Firstly, no. But more importantly, we did this to keep them alive, so where do we take them?

Enoch

They could easily find employment on the planet of Kitson. We should have just enough fuel to reach it if we change course now. But what about your plan to go back into cryo-sleep and join Jemma Simmons in the future?

Fitz

I've got time.

The planet of Kitson is a nasty place, absent any basic scrap of decency.

Piper

Someone just described Florida.

Most are ashamed to utter the word "Kitson" as it sounds like the braying of an animal in heat. There's even a well-known saying, "What happens on the planet of Kitson..."

Daisy

"...stays on Kitson?"

No. "...is contagious and burns."

Enoch

I have disappointed you, and we may be, as they say, down on our luck, but there are other ways to earn money.

Fitz

How?

Enoch

The brothels of Kitson. We are both healthy and not unattractive specimens, and I am well-versed in over 130...

Daisy

Do you remember when we first met?

Simmons

Yeah. You lived in a van.

Daisy

Mm-hmm.

Simmons

And it really smelled.

Daisy

No, it didn't.

Simmons

Yeah. We called it the Fartmobile. You had, You had big hair.

Daisy

You had big nerd face. What house are you in, hm? Gryffindor?

Simmons

Uh, Ravenclaw. Girl, please.

Daisy

Do you know any spells?

Simmons

[Waves a straw] Expecto Patronum! [Hallucinates a miniature Fitz in a monkey costume balancing on the straw] Hello, little monkey Fitz.

Simmons

Hey, I think my parents are mice.

Daisy

That makes sense.

Simmons

I'm sorry for dragging you across the universe.

Daisy

Oh, no, don't be. It's good. It's only made us closer.

Simmons

I just miss Fitz so much.

Daisy

Aw, yeah. I'm sorry. I wish I had my own Fitz. Well, not Fitz, but, you know...

Simmons

No, I know. You've had just awful luck in that department. It's so sad. But you are so strong now and so confident. I'm so proud of you.

Daisy

Really? It means so much coming from you.

Simmons

You just mean so much. You're my best friend.

Daisy

I love you, too.

Simmons

Your skin is so soft.

Simmons

P-Pardon me, sir, but I have reason to believe that my husband, sorry, uh, my future husband is behind that door.

And what reason is that?

Simmons

Uh, the the the dolphin told me in a secret signal only I can hear that was meant just for me.

Enoch

Why do I exist? I am nothing. I'm a speck of dust in the infinite...

Fitz

Okay, Enoch...

Enoch

An afterthought in the worm-ridden mind of the black void.

Fitz

Okay. I'm gonna need you to spark up. So you take a break from being infinite nothing and do that for me?

Enoch

Why would I do anything when there is no purpose? We will all soon be dust and rust.

Fitz

'Cause you're my best friend. Remember? That's your purpose.

Enoch

You're bluffing.

Fitz

No. I'm not. I can't believe I'm saying this, because you are...

Enoch

...Chronicom. Decommissioned.

Fitz

Gonna say a massive pain in the ass, but you've grown on me. So, yeah. You are my best friend.

Enoch

For you, my best friend, I would do anything.

Yo-Yo

So, you and Mack, in his office.

Yeah.

Yo-Yo

You told him. I wish you would have talked to me about it.

If it makes you feel better, he didn't exactly let me finish.

Yo-Yo

He doesn't want to know so he doesn't have to put us on different missions.

I'm sure that's part of it, but... It's just, I also got the sense that he isn't over you.

Yo-Yo

Why would you tell me that?

You should know how he feels before or if we... You should know. But to be clear, I'm in. I will fight for you if I have to. Not fight-fight—Mack terrifies me—but more emotionally fight.

Yo-Yo

Ugh. Always acting so noble.

I think you like that act.

Deke

Wait, you were S.H.I.E.L.D. this entire time?

Did you really think we were gonna let you rip off all our tech?

Deke

Even at the Phish concert? Wait, wait, uh, what about when we went to the escape room and you froze up? Was that all just an act? I bet that you could've solved that word cypher and we could've gotten out of there in record time, but, no, you just had to...

We got to move.

Deke

Hey, just-just... Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. Just-just please tell me one thing, okay? Just tell me you weren't letting me win in "Remorath Rumble".

Okay. I won't tell you that.

It's, uh probably too fast, but how would you feel about bringing an alien bird into our relationship? [Off Yo-Yo's look] So that's a no.

Deke

There are people out there that are after me, okay, and I don't know why. I think it's because I'm not supposed to be here. Like, I'm not supposed to exist in this reality. Do you remember I explained this to you on the Playa?

Once again, this is all about you.

Deke

No, just this... But this time it is about me. It... Look, if there's one thing I know how to do, it's run away and survive, so you're gonna follow me, okay?

I think you might be the prettiest butterfly I've ever made.

Enoch

There is no hope, only loss. Decommissioned. Hunted. I have become a cautionary tale used to steer children away from a life of crime and excess.

Davis

Would it be rude to turn him off? His constant complaining is giving me a headache.

Piper

Yeah, well, you are the Puff-Head who got high and shot up our super-threatening fuse box, so...

Davis

Never mind. Sorry I was wrong. The source of the headache is Piper. Definitely Piper.

Enoch

Poor Fitz. Though now I walk alone, I will never forget my one and only friend.

Simmons

Your only friend? But you have us.

Enoch

When last we met, I forcibly abducted your team and sent you all into a dystopian future.

Daisy

Yeah, maybe not the best start, but in the end, you really came through.

Enoch

I did?

Simmons

In the future, you sacrificed yourself for us. Without you, we never would have been able to get home and save Earth from destruction.