Hercule Poirot quotes from Agatha Christie's Poirot

Poirot

Oh Hastings, Hastings.

Hastings

What?

Poirot

Whatever is the use of me introducing you to nice young ladies if all you do is talk about the shooting of the clay pigeons.

Hastings

But they like it. You heard what Ms. Henderson said. She'd love to talk about it tomorrow.

Poirot

[Shaking head] Oh Hastings, Hastings, Hastings.

Ellie

Was Colonel Clapperton alone when he came ashore?

Poirot

Was he alone? Let me think... Maybe someone was with him.

Ellie

Ms. Mooney and Ms. Cregan perhaps.

Poirot

Yes, yes, the two little girls. Yes.

Ellie

They're not children, Monsieur Poirot. Nor am I.

Kitty is making such a blessed racket. She blames herself, you see. Well, and me.

Poirot

But how can she blame herself?

Well, we did say some pretty dreadful things about her.

Poirot

My dear Mademoiselle Cregan, if everyone on board who had said unpleasant things about Madame Clapperton were to make as much noise as your friend, this vessel would become a danger to shipping.

Ellie Henderson

[after Poirot exposes Colonel Clapperton as the killer] When did you guess it was him?

Hercule Poirot

His self-control was too perfect. No matter how galling was the conduct of his wife, it never seemed to touch him. That either meant that he was so used to it that it no longer stung, or else he knew his bondage would soon be over.

Ellie Henderson

It was a cruel dirty trick you played, Monsieur Poirot.

Hercule Poirot

I do not approve of murder.

Arthur Hastings

How would you work out cubic what-you-call-'ems?

Hercule Poirot

Comment?

Arthur Hastings

Cubic thingummies. How do you work them out? I mean, this ceiling's, what, ten feet up, yes? So, do you multiply ten...

Hercule Poirot

Hastings, I am trying to instruct you in the care of patent leather, something that will be of use to you in later life.

Arthur Hastings

Well, so will cubic whatsits. Suppose I had to survey something or something.

Hercule Poirot

You do not deceive me, Hastings. You are having these eccentric thoughts because of this girl of yours, huh? This student of architecture.

Arthur Hastings

Well, we never seem to have anything to talk about. I tried reading a book about Bernini. She's very keen on Bernini. I couldn't make head or tail of it.

Hercule Poirot

No, no, no, no, no, no, Hastings. Women do not wish to talk about Bernini and cubic thingummies. I don't know that she wants to talk about anything.

Arthur Hastings

She's never in when I call 'round to see her. I end up having tea with her mother every day.

[after interacting with Mrs. Vanderlyn] You see what sort of woman she is.

Hercule Poirot

The sort of woman Mrs. Vanderlyn is does not make a matter of national importance.

No need to go into that, Mister Poirot. Let sleeping dogs lie.

Hercule Poirot

No, no, no, no, Monsieur Mayfield. Between the husband and the wife, there should be not the sleepy dogs.

James Japp

Must be depressing for you when that sort of things happen, eh, Poirot?

Hercule Poirot

What sort of things?

James Japp

Everything working out for the best. Some married couple ready for a second honeymoon. Orphan children reunited with their parents.

Hercule Poirot

Yes, it is hard. But we must put on it the brave face, eh? And not allow cheerfulness to keep breaking through.

Poirot

Hastings, to say that Benedict Farley makes pies is like saying that Wagner wrote semiquavers.

Hastings

They're good pies, are they?

Poirot

No, horrible. But there are a great many of them.

[seeing Poirot observe her fencing lessons] Hello, Monsieur Poirot. Fancy your chances?

Poirot

No, no, no, no. Thank you very much, mademoiselle, but essentially Hercule Poirot is a man of peace.

Poirot

Hastings, there are two reasons why I should never become a millionaire.

Hastings

What are they, Poirot?

Poirot

The first: That I should never make the detestable pork pies, eh? And the second: I am too understanding towards my employees.

Hastings

[Looking out the window during a flight] Looks just like a patchwork quilt, doesn't it?

Poirot

[Terrified of heights, his eyes closed] No!

Hastings

Well, it does to me. Does to everybody else.

Poirot

Not to Poirot!

Hastings

I suppose you don't think [those clouds] look like a great mass of cotton wool.

Poirot

No!

Hastings

I don't think you've got any imagination at all, Poirot.

Poirot

That is true, mon ami. But fortunately, you have enough for both of us.

Poirot

Hastings, did you notice the way Mademoiselle Nick [Buckley] flinched as a bee flew past? A bee in the bonnet, a hole in the hat?

Hastings

A bee couldn't make a hole like this.

Poirot

But a bullet could, my friend.

Poirot

You do know who I am?

No, I don't.

Poirot

I forget. You are but a child, eh? Alors my friend here, Captain Hastings, he will tell it to you.

Hastings

Well, um... Monsieur Poirot is a detective... [Gets a look from Poirot] Um... er... a great detective.

Poirot

My friend, is that all that you can find to say? Mais dis donc, say then to Mademoiselle that I am the detective unique! Unsurpassed! The greatest that ever lived!

Hastings

There doesn't seem much point now. You've told her yourself.

Poirot

Well, yes, but it is more agreeable to preserve the modesty.

Poirot

You know, Hastings, you have the most extraordinary effect on me.

Hastings

Really?

Poirot

Yes. You have so strongly the flair in the wrong direction that I am almost tempted to doubt [your conclusions].