Edina quotes from Absolutely Fabulous

Edina

This is my daughter, Saffy.

Jackie

Never mind, too late to flush her now

Justin

I'm Saffy's father.

Jackie

How sweet of you to admit to a thing like that.

Justin

Did you have the same father?

Jackie

No one knows. Mother was such a slut.

Patsy

It could have been any of the men in any of the bars in France. Y'know, she was always the entertainment.

Before slot machines?

Edina

She was the slot machine!

I think we should have a little talk, don't you?

Edina

Have you seen this, darling, this Nancy Friday? It's extraordinary! She gets complete strangers to relate their filthiest thoughts and then sells them as therapy. It's fantastic!

Mum, I want to know what you're planning for tomorrow night.

Edina

Armpit kissing! Would you kiss an arm-..

[Interrupting] I want to know!

Edina

Sweetie, it is simply the extrication of myself from the burden of sexual norms, and the restoration of my own powerful, and integrated sexuality.

An orgy?

Edina

Yeah, that's the one.

Ok, I got you condoms and femidoms. You are going to be safe, right?

Edina

Yes of course sweetie. [Looking in the bag]

Have you opened these?

They don't put fingers on these gloves.

Talking to yourself, dear? That's the first sign of madness, y'know?

Edina

Really? I thought it was talking to you!

Bubble

Oh, the police phoned. They've released your mother.

Edina

Damn!

Bubble

Good, though, ain't it? 'Cause they haven't had a record out for years!

[Riding on Eddy's scooter] You used to have one of these when you were a girl!

Edina

Yeah, but I was never allowed on it.

No, you were too big for it, you wobbled.

Edina

The scooter wobbled!

If you say so..

Edina

I have perfect balance, [to Saffy] sweetheart, look.

Wheels don't buckle on their own.

Patsy

She tried to crowd surf and the tide went out!

Edina

The sea just parted, darling. I don't know how it happened

They've probably never seen anything that old flying at them before

Edina

Right, time for another little drinky before we go.

Where are you going?

Edina

New York.

I didn't think they let people with drug convictions in.

Edina

Darling, it's not a conviction.

Patsy

Just a firm belief!

You burnt and scarred my best friend!

Patsy

Who??

Edina

Titicaca.

Patsy

Oh. [nods]

Her name is Sarah!

Edina

Darling, she was standing with her little pigtails too close to a candle!

Patsy

Act of God.

You were holding the candle!

My life is like a constant winter.

Edina

Yeah, well she never thawed, did she?

Patsy

Rigor mortis set into her in puberty

Edina

She's so cold, I bet she has her period in cubes

Edina

We've gotta kill this play! C'mon, how would I normally ensure a flop?

Bubble

Promote it!

Edina

The world has changed. I mean, there was a time I was out there. I was hip. I was dangerous. The Zeitgeist flew from me, sweetheart! I mean, I could pick up the lunch buzz at Momo and fly with it, darling, you know? The more money you spent, the more money you made; it was money on a loop. But not anymore, no. Not anymore, sweetheart--thanks to New Labour.

[rolling her eyes] Oh no...

Edina

Oh yes, darling: the eternally-grinning funless world of New Labs, isn't it? All that hope, all that future, darling! But do you know something? Once the party's over, you look around, you're still standing in the shit! Nobody wants new things anymore, it's just, "Retro, retro, retro!" I mean, darling, we are skidding backwards into the 2000s on a slick of apology, and that's not a world that thinks I'm that great!

Bubble

[cleaning] Hoover, hoover, hoover...

Edina

You have to turn it on, not just make the noise!

Edina

Darling, how did you get so fat on AIDS rations? And-

Saffron

I am not fat - I'm pregnant! (end of filming)