You know, when I called you last night, your mom said you weren't back from my house yet.
SSuzanne
Maybe she didn't hear me come in.
I guess.
SSuzanne
You know, it's a big house, and my mom's kind of a flake. You do the math.
S1 E16Brave New World
[to Ruthie] What's the matter, honey? Not too hungry today, huh?
Opening day jitters, Mom. [to Ruthie] Listen, eat something light. A little toast, maybe. Throwing up at school is just as bad as crying.
Simon.
What? I'm just giving Ruthie the benefit of my experience. I mean, come on, let's face it. It has been a while since you or Mom were at school.
[Simon leaves]
Honey, it's gonna be okay. You know the teacher, and she's really, really nice, and you're gonna make lots of friends.
Fine. I just don't like this cereal.
Talk to the hand.
What?
Talk to the hand 'cause the ears ain't listening.
Where did you learn that?
From my new friend Skyler. He's a superhero.
[to Ruthie] Honey, I thought you liked going to school.
I like peanut butter, but I don't want it every day. If I had known pre-kindergarten was every day, I would never have signed up for it. This is all your fault!
[punches Simon in the arm]
Ruthie Camden! Where did you learn to do something like that?
School, and I'm never going back, ever!
So your sister shoved a guy's head in the toilet?
Up to the collar. You would have been proud.
MMichael
[after Mary dunks his head in a toilet] I want to file assault charges.
PPrincipal
Fine. And Mary, I assume you'll want to file sexual harassment charges?
[Long silence; Michael looks baffled]
PPrincipal
What did you think that was? Messing around? Joking? Having fun? It's not. It's sexual harassment.
TMr. Towner
You know, I'm not the least bit surprised that you feel this way.
PPrincipal
Mr. Towner, I know you'd like to believe that this is about "sisterhood" when actually, it's a matter of right and wrong. You see, your belief is incorrect, and holding fast to it at this point really isn't going to help anyone, including your son. So, Mary, how do you want to handle this?
[pauses] It's over. I just want to let it go.
PPrincipal
Really? I'm not inclined to be as generous as you are. [to Michael] You talk trash, you write trash, and you dare to snap this woman's bra strap? At the very least, your head is gonna wind up in a toilet! You harass one more human being in this building, and you will find that you have no friends here. Got it?
MMichael
Yes.
PPrincipal
Good. Now go spread the word. I know you're good at that.
[to Mary] There's always going to be somebody who'll try to take your dignity and self-esteem. Just never let them take your voice.
S1 E17Choices
You gotta trust me on this, cause when it comes to this kind of stuff, guys don't think like girls.
I know. I'm sorry.
Where'd you get that dress?
(crying) I stole it. I didn't think it was a big deal!
So you put it on and went to a fraternity party?
I know, it was stupid. I'm sorry.
It's OK. But you should know: From now on I'll be watching you like a fox/hawk.
(Simon and Ruthie find a $50 bill on the sidewalk)
Maybe we should give it back.
To who? The sidewalk?
How about a little tiny goldfish? They won't be no trouble.
Any.
Any what?
A goldfish won't be any trouble.
I know. So can I have one?
S1 E18Faith, Hope, and the Bottom Line
Well, I know my phone number when someone asks for it.
And still no one calls.
I just can't go for a security system over a person.
And that's what makes you a caring, compassionate minister...and a lousy businessman.
S1 E19It's About George...
Hello.
JJimmy
Hey.
RGrandma Ruth
"Hey" is for horses. Are you a farmer, Mr. Moon?
JJimmy
No.
Do you know who I am?
JJimmy
Lucy's grandfather?
I am Colonel John Camden, United States Marines!
I don't think I can do this.
That's what you need: A warm relationship with your father.
S1 E20Say Good-bye
How about this dress?
Sure. Whatever. You'll look great.
Or maybe I could just shave my head?
Sure. Whatever. You'll look great
These quotes come from Wikiquote's 7th Heaven pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.