30 Rock quotes

268 total quotes

All Seasons
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Dick Lemon: Hey, Liz. It's your father, Dick Lemon.
Liz: Dad, you don't have to say your name every time.
Dick Lemon: Telephone etiquette is important, Liz. It lets people know your race even when they can't see you.

Dot Com: Yo, Kenneth, we need to talk now.
Kenneth: Oh, I've had this conversation before. You're marrying my mom, aren't you?

Dotcom: This would have really bothered me in my 20's.

Dr. Spaceman: Tracy, I don't know how to say this... de-ay-bah-tees?
Tracy: Diabetes?
Dr. Spaceman: That's it! Well, now we know what we're dealing with.

Elisa: How dare you say such things so close to the statue of Santa Lucia, patron saint of judgmental statues!

Elisa: I have a terrible secret. Please don't ask me what it is.
Liz: I don't want to know what it is! [Pause] Are you a man?
Elisa: Really, Lemon? You want to see me naked?
Liz: Kind of.

Elisa: You over-analyze everything with your big head!
Jack: Well you have big boobs.
Elisa: Which you'll NEVER touch again!!
Jack: This conversation has taken an unfortunate turn.

Floyd: If the whole world moved to their favorite vacation spots, then the whole world would live in Hawaii and Italy and Cleveland.

Frank: There was a cyclone in Brooklyn last year. It destroyed two vinatage t-shirt stores and a banjo.

Frank: Tracy, did you hear? Fred Dawkins, the incredibly overweight guy Pac-man was based off of, died.
Tracy: I will eat a bowl of cherries and some ghost meat in his honor.

Frank: We figured Lutz is never going to get married, but he wants a bachelor party, so we're taking him to a strip club. You wanna come?
Tracy: Come on, Liz Lemon, you don't want to be treated any differently, do you?
Liz: Sure, I'll go.
Tracy: All right!
Liz: But you won't.
Tracy: [gasp] Twist!

Gavin Volure: He's gonna' do it! Gavin Volure's gonna' jump!
Jack Donaghy: Don't Gavin! That's gotta be fifteen, sixteen feet!

German: The machine is mankind's madness and disfigurement. Industry castrates art. The only honesty is in suicide.
Jack: I can't watch any more of these German sitcoms!

Hazel: When I confronted him about it he was so condescending! He laughed at me, then he undressed me with his eyes. Then he had his way with me... with his eyes.
Liz: Ugh, the male gaze.
Hazel: Yeah, they're all a bunch of gays.

Jack: This thing's a real cash cow - unlike Cash Cow, the NBC spinoff of Cash Cab. You try riding a cow through midtown Manhattan, Lemon. The animal will panic.