[to Buffy] So you put poison in the brandy. That's very Medieval of you.
S2 E2For Love or Money (2)
S2 E3Baseball
Bailey, you'll lead us in a team prayer.
Why me?
Because you're the most wholesome.
Greetings, fellow teammates! Say, where is center field?
S2 E4Bad Risk
HMr. Hopkins
[on Herb] I will not be taught how to live by a man in a white belt!
You know what we call problems in sales? We call them opportunities.
HMr. Hopkins
Les, your friend is a twit.
S2 E5Jennifer Falls in Love
SSteel
I like to think that a person's name says a lot about the type of person he is. What was your name again?
[pauses] Les.
S2 E6Carlson For President
The secret is to appear to answer all the questions, when in truth it's all mumbo-jumbo. Here, let me show you. Herb, ask me this question.
[Les hands Herb a card with a question written on it]
Surely. "Mr. Candidate, what is your energy program?"
Right now, I'm devoting a great deal of time and study to that problem. And I intend to issue a position paper on that. A position that is at once simple, yet complex, flexible, and above all else, fair to every American.
Listen, Venus, how do things look in the black community?
Oh, same old thing. Big lush lawns, manicured hedges. Living's easy. Fish are jumpin', cotton oh 'bout so high... Daddy's rich. I suppose you don't wanna hear about my momma, huh?
Mr. Carlson isn't even mentioned (in the polls).
Perfect! If people don't know you, they won't dislke you. If you show yourself too much then you come off looking like a jerk. At least that's been my experience."
S2 E7Mike Fright
You just talk into the mike and your voice goes out through the wires, and once a week, whether you need it or not, somebody comes in here and gives you a check for $38.
Don't you ever get scared, you know, like, get stage fright?
Well, I'll tell you a secret, Bailey. If you ever find yourself on the air, and you feel a little nervous, just imagine that you're speaking to one specific person. Which in fact is probably the case here.
Just pretend you're talking to one person. A friend. Me.
Okay.
That's how you told me to do it. Now you do it.
Okay, I'll give it a try.
Just talk to me.
This is, uh, your Doctor speaking. Hello, and good afternoon, Cincinnati. I sure would like to take you home and kiss you all over in the dark.
S2 E8Patter of Little Feet
[on sex frequency per week statistic] 2.96? I wonder how they do the, uh, .96 part.
That is just an average, Johnny.
Well, it should average out to three. Somebody's not doing something right!
How many times have you said to yourself, "if I knew then what I know now"? Well, by golly, this is the new then. Now, I mean. Because I know now what I didn't used to know then. As a manner of speaking, you could say that I know now what I know now.
S2 E9Baby, If You've Ever Wondered
Let me ask you a question - am I the guard, or one of the nuts?
I think you're a guard on the way to becoming a nut.
It says here my audience share of men 65 and over went down six points.
Let's face it Les--your audience is dying off.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's WKRP in Cincinnati pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.