Shane, Silas and others in “You Can't Miss the Bear”

I am so dead, I am so dead. Is he coming?

There's no one chasing you, Shane. Oh man, are you wearing lipstick?

It's not lipstick. It's fruit punch.

I threw a can of soda at Devon Rensler.

Well that was stupid.

He called me "Orphan boy."

He's a fuckwad.

Did you hit him?

No, just grazed him.

Oh, that's bad. You can't miss the bear.

What bear?

I missed the bear... The shot was no where near his optimum kill zone.

What are you talking about?

Don't you watch bear hunt? On the wilderness channel.

Somehow I've missed it.

It's only the best show in the history of television!

Every week these guys with gun racks and their big old monster trucks go out and they kill a bear.

That's horrible

No, it's so awesome!

Right, right, right

You've gotta bring enough gun to get the job done. Oh! And tell her about CGS!

Whoa, Shane, you're gonna wet yourself.

Shut up, you're just as into it.

Carter Grizzly Sike. He's the host. At the end of the show –

He's got the head of the bear that they shot that week.

Right, right, and he leaves you with, like, these wise parting words like (in a red neck accent), "You can't miss the bear or he's gonna turn around and rip you open like a present from your mama on Christmas morning."

Okay, we are breaking up.

Come on, think of the time this'll save us on foreplay. You just whisper, "Shoot me in the optimum kill zone," and I'll be good to go.

: I could whisper "Linoleum" and you'd be good to go.