[Wanda is levitating dishes onto a shelf. Vision walks in and a dish hits his head, breaking it into pieces.]
My wife and her flying saucers.
My husband and his indestructible head.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Hello, dear. I'm Agnes, your neighbor to the right. My right, not yours. Forgive me for not stopping by sooner to welcome you to the block. My mother-in-law was in town, so I wasn't. So, what's your name? Where are you from? And most importantly, how's your bridge game, hon?
I'm Wanda.
Wanda. Charmed. Golly, you settled in fast! Did you use a moving company?
I sure did. Those boxes don't move themselves!
So what's a single gal like you doing rattling around this big house?
Oh, no, I'm not single.
Oh, I don't see a ring.
Well, I assure you, I'm married. To a man. A human one and tall.
[Vision is at work at Computational Services, Inc.]
Would you be so good as to tell me what it is we do here, exactly? Do we make something?
NNorm
No.
Right. Do we buy or sell something?
NNorm
No and no.
Then what is the purpose of this company?
NNorm
All I know is, since you've gotten here, productivity has gone up 300%.
Yes, but what is it we're producing?
NNorm
Computational forms. And no one can process the data quite like you do, pal. You're like a walking computer.
What? I most certainly am not! I'm a regular carbon-based employee made entirely of organic matter, much like yourself, Norm.
We are an unusual couple, you know?
Oh, I don't think that was ever in question.
[Wanda "magics" wedding rings onto her and Vision's fingers.]
I do. Do you?
Yes. I do.
And they lived happily ever after.
[They kiss as show credits roll.]
[practicing a talent-show magic act] Wanda, you're not at all worried that the audience might just see through this little charade?
Well, that's the whole point! In a real magic act, everything is fake! Darling, the talent show fundraiser is the most important event of the season, and it's our neighborly duty to participate. Plus, it's our chance to appear as normal as possible while doing so.
[pointing to his android face] Well, I don't think that should be a problem.
This is our home now. I want us to fit in.
How is anybody doing this sober?
DJDottie Jones
The devil's in the details, Bev.
That's not the only place he is.
[Dottie has cut her palm on broken glass. Wanda quickly covers it with a cloth dinner napkin.]
DJDottie Jones
Pop quiz, Wanda. How does a housewife get a bloodstain out of white linen? [a beat] By doing it herself.
Hello, Westview! Good afternoon. It's so lovely to be ...[bumping into a handrail] I'm so sorry. Excuse me. I am Glamour, and this is my delightful assistant, Illusion.
I am Glamour and he's Illusion.
Yeah, what she said. Today, we will lie to you, and yet you will believe our little deceptions because human beings are easily fooled due to their limited understanding of the inner workings of the universe.
NDr. Nielsen
We let the little ladies keep tabs on their growing babies with fruit. Makes it simple for them. [Wanda grimaces at the sexism] At four months, the fetus is about as big as a pear. At five months, a papaya. Six, grapefruit. Seven, pineapple. Eight, honeydew.
Hypothetically speaking, what size fruit would it be at, say, hmm, twelve hours?
NDr. Nielsen
[confused] Uh, pardon? Twelve hours?
[brightly] Well, I think this line of questioning is 'fruitless'. [chuckles]
Huh. Strangest thing just happened outside with... [turns to see Wanda's bump has grown larger] Whoa, Nelly! Have you gotten bigger?!
Have I?
[Wanda turns around and knocks into a bowl of fruit with her belly. Vision moves at super-speed and catches the papaya.]
[continuing, looking down] I can't tell from this angle.
I can't wait... [chuckles] ...to be a proud papa-ya.
Well, if that was the first kick, that puts you at about... six months! Boy, oh, boy, I thought I had superspeed. I can't keep up! [baby talk] Please don't misinterpret; I can't wait to meet you, little Billy.
"Billy"?
Yeah.
Well, I was thinking "Tommy". Just a nice, classic, all-American name.
Hmm, "Tommy". Hmm, yeah. Yeah. Then there's "Billy", isn't there? Named after William Shakespeare. "All the world's a stage. All the men and women merely players."
Well, I guess there's only one solution to this debate. Hope for a girl.
Well, we ought to decide soon. I estimate the baby's due... it's not a constant progression, assumingly logarithmic, but were I to graph the fetal development thus far...
He's gonna be here before you figure it out.
GGeraldine
Can you believe it? Twins! Hi.
...I'm a twin. [forlornly] I had a brother. His name was...Pietro.
[Wanda sings to the babies is Sokovian]
GGeraldine
[confused] He was killed by Ultron, wasn't he?
...What did you say? Just now? [a single tear rolls down Wanda's face]
GGeraldine
I said...Wanda, you're such a strong lady. Should I say it one more time, for good measure?
No. What did you say about Pietro?
GGeraldine
Pietro? [thinks] Hey, I'll take a shift rocking the babies-
No, I think you should leave.
GGeraldine
Oh Wanda, don't be like that!
[Wanda sees the SWORD pendant on "Geraldine"]
What is that?
GGeraldine
What?
[gestures to the pendant] That symbol.
GGeraldine
I [stammers], I—
Who are you?
GGeraldine
[Softly, barely audible] I don't remember
[Aggressively] Who are you?
GGeraldine
Wanda... I...I... Wanda.
[Monica Rambeau meets Jimmy Woo on the outskirts of Westview]
What's the story here, Agent Woo?
Uh, I've got a witness set up down the road in Westview, and this morning, it looked like he flew the coop.
Your missing person is in the Witness Protection Program?
I have contacted known associates, relatives...
And let me guess, none of them have seen him either?
No. None of them have ever heard of him. Something seemed hanky to me, so I took the first flight out of Oakland to interface with local law enforcement, which is when I encountered a new wrinkle.
What is that?
[turns to the Sheriff of Eastview] Pardon me, Sheriff. Would you mind repeating your claim about Westview to my colleague here?
SSheriff
[with a billboard reading "Welcome to Westview" behind him] No such place.
You're saying the town of Westview, New Jersey doesn't exist?
SSheriff
It's what I keep telling your G-Man here, but he won't listen.
I see. And, um, I'm sorry, what ... What town are you from?
SSheriff
Eastview.
Thank you, Sheriff. I'll reach out if we need any further assistance.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's WandaVision pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.