[Charlie and Alan are playing a Word game in which they insult each other with letters of the alphabet]
You are a lush!
You are a leech!
You are a misogynist!
You are a mistake!
You are a... What are we up to?
N.
Thank you. You are a necrophiliac!
She was drunk, not dead, I challenge!
Okay, fine. You are a narcissist.
Better. You are a nancy-boy.
You are old!
You are oddly-shaped.
[Phone rings] Hang on.
You are a parasite.
Not your turn. [Answers phone] Hello. Oh, hey, Judith. What's up? What do you mean what happened with Jake? We had a nice weekend. Well, we went driving, to the movies, um, ice cream.
Quack, rectal, suckwad!
[To Charlie] I never got my "P".
All you do is pee.
[To Judith] What? What? Nothing. Just a little word game. You know, exercise the brain. [To Charlie] Twit!
Turd burglar!
[To Judith] Judith, I don't know what Jake's problem is. We had a terrific weekend. Huh. [To Charlie] Jake says he doesn't wanna come here anymore.
Really? Why?
I don't know. [To Judith] Did he say why? Charlie and I don't bicker. I mean, no more than any other couple of guys. [To Charlie] Right?
Right! Oh, oh, oh! You are a eunuch!
That's E, not U. Learn to spell. Useless! [to Judith] Look, I don't know what to tell you. He's a teenager. He'll get over it. Okay. Okay. Bye-bye. [hangs up] Well, I hope you're happy.
I haven't been happy in seven years.
For your information, I will not have been here seven years until next fall.
Oh, good to know. Circle the date on the calendar so I'll know when to hang myself.
Ha, ha. Funny. It's because of you, Jake doesn't wanna come here anymore. Great.
Tell me what I did so I can do it to you!
God, you are such a... What are we up to?
V.
Varmint! You are a varmint.
Yeah, well, you are a vagina!
You're calling me a vagina?
No, no, no. No, that's too good for you. What you are is vagina-adjacent.
You know, for some women, this could be considered a hostile work environment.
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