Dale Cooper quotes from Twin Peaks

I believe the Black Lodge is the source of what you've traditionally referred to here as the evil in the woods.

I hope I see all of you again. Every one of you.

Who's the lady with the log?

Sheriff Truman

We call her the Log Lady.

Log Lady

Shhhhhhh!

Wanna know why I'm whittling?

Sheriff Truman

OK, I'll bite again. Why are you whittling?

Because that's what you do in a town where a yellow light still means slow down and not speed up.

Pete Martell

Mr. Cooper, how do you take it?

Black as midnight on a moonless night.

Pete Martell

Pretty black.

Sheriff Truman

You know, I think I'd better start studying medicine.

And why is that?

Sheriff Truman

Because I'm beginning to feel a bit like Dr. Watson.

Log Lady

For your information, I heard you speaking about Laura Palmer?

Yes?

Log Lady

One day my log will have something to say about this. My log saw something that night.

Really? What did it see?

Log Lady

Ask it.

The Man from Another Place

[Claps hands together, speaking in a strangely paced, distorted voice] Let's rock! I've got good news. That gum you like is going to come back in style. [about Laura] She's my cousin. But doesn't she look almost exactly like Laura Palmer?

But... it is Laura Palmer. Are you Laura Palmer?

Laura Palmer

[speaking in a similarly distorted voice] I feel like I know her, but sometimes my arms bend back.

The Man from Another Place

She's filled with secrets. Where we're from, the birds sing a pretty song, and there's always music in the air.

Albert Rosenfield

Oh yeah, well I've had about enough of morons and half wits, dolts, dunces, dullards and dumbbells ... and you, you chowder-head yokel, you blithering hayseed -- you've had enough of me?

Sheriff Truman

Yes I have. [Punches Albert in face]

Albert Rosenfield

The old rustic sucker-punch, huh? [calling after Truman] A hail of bullets would be nice!

That's enough! The sheriff didn't mean anything.

Albert Rosenfield

He hit me!

Well, I'm sure he meant to do that.

Mr. Horne, I realize that your position in this fair community pretty well guarantees venality, insincerity, and a rather irritating method of expressing yourself. Stupidity, however, is not necessarily a inherent trait, therefore, please listen closely. You can have a funeral any old time. You dig a hole, you plant a coffin. I, however, cannot perform these tests next year, next month, next week or tomorrow - I must perform them now. I've got a lot of cutting and pasting to do, gentlemen, so why don't you please return to your porch rockers and resume whittling.

Sheriff Truman

I've had just about enough of you and your insults!

Albert Rosenfield

Oh yeah, well I've had about enough of morons and half wits, dolts, dunces, dullards and dumbbells ... and you, you chowder-head yokel, you blithering hayseed — you've had enough of me?

Sheriff Truman

Yes I have. [Punches Albert in face]

Albert Rosenfield

The old rustic sucker-punch, huh? [calling after Truman] A hail of bullets would be nice!

That's enough! The sheriff didn't mean anything.

Albert Rosenfield

He hit me!

Well, I'm sure he meant to do that.

Audrey, you'll have to excuse me this morning, I'm running late. I only have time for coffee.

Audrey Horne

Well maybe I could go with you.

Wednesdays were traditionally a school day when I was your age.

Audrey Horne

[moving in close] I can't believe you were ever my age.

I've got the pictures to prove it. How old are you?

Audrey Horne

Eighteen.

Well, see you later Audrey.

Log Lady

[Presenting her log to Cooper] You can ask it now.

[To log] What did you see that night? The night Laura Palmer was killed.

Log Lady

Shhh, I'll do the talking. Dark. Laughing. The owls were flying. Many things were blocked. Laughing. Two men, two girls. Flashlights pass by in the woods over the ridge. The owls were near. The dark was pressing in on her. Quiet then. Later, footsteps. One man passed by. Screams far away. Terrible, terrible. One voice.

Do you like to gamble Ed?

Well, I went to Reno once but I never felt too lucky.

You're gonna be lucky tonight. This is ten thousand dollars of the bureau's money. Whenever I gamble with the company's stake I always like to bring back a ten to fifteen percent return. How much would you like to start with? How about three hundred? And Ed, the suit is perfect.

Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. It could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair or two cups of good hot black coffee. Like this.

Sheriff Truman

A present? Like Christmas?

[Taking a sip] Ah, man that hits the spot. Nothing like a great cup of black coffee.

Now I'm going to go down and get us two malts and some fries downstairs. Then I want you to tell me all your troubles.

Audrey Horne

That could take all night.

The night is young. Now I'm going to get the food and you're going to get dressed.

Audrey Horne

I can't tell you all my secrets.

Secrets are dangerous things Audrey.

Audrey Horne

Do you have any?

No.

Audrey Horne

Laura had a lot of secrets.

Finding those out is my job.