Sheriff Harry S. Truman quotes from Twin Peaks

Sheriff Truman

There's a sort of evil out there. Something very, very strange in these old woods. Call it what you want. A darkness, a presence. It takes many forms but... its been out there for as long as anyone can remember and we've always been here to fight it.

Sheriff Truman

If I understand law correctly, you need extradition papers in order to get a statement from me. And you need a subpoena from a judge. Now unless you gentlemen have that paperwork I suggest you take your cooperation, and stuff it.

Who's the lady with the log?

Sheriff Truman

We call her the Log Lady.

Log Lady

Shhhhhhh!

Wanna know why I'm whittling?

Sheriff Truman

OK, I'll bite again. Why are you whittling?

Because that's what you do in a town where a yellow light still means slow down and not speed up.

Sheriff Truman

You know, I think I'd better start studying medicine.

And why is that?

Sheriff Truman

Because I'm beginning to feel a bit like Dr. Watson.

Sheriff Truman

I hear that you're real good at what you do.

Albert Rosenfield

That's correct.

Sheriff Truman

Well, that's good. Because normally if a stranger walked into my station talking this kind of crap, he'd be looking for his teeth two blocks up on Queer Street.

Albert Rosenfield

Oh yeah, well I've had about enough of morons and half wits, dolts, dunces, dullards and dumbbells ... and you, you chowder-head yokel, you blithering hayseed -- you've had enough of me?

Sheriff Truman

Yes I have. [Punches Albert in face]

Albert Rosenfield

The old rustic sucker-punch, huh? [calling after Truman] A hail of bullets would be nice!

That's enough! The sheriff didn't mean anything.

Albert Rosenfield

He hit me!

Well, I'm sure he meant to do that.

Mr. Horne, I realize that your position in this fair community pretty well guarantees venality, insincerity, and a rather irritating method of expressing yourself. Stupidity, however, is not necessarily a inherent trait, therefore, please listen closely. You can have a funeral any old time. You dig a hole, you plant a coffin. I, however, cannot perform these tests next year, next month, next week or tomorrow - I must perform them now. I've got a lot of cutting and pasting to do, gentlemen, so why don't you please return to your porch rockers and resume whittling.

Sheriff Truman

I've had just about enough of you and your insults!

Albert Rosenfield

Oh yeah, well I've had about enough of morons and half wits, dolts, dunces, dullards and dumbbells ... and you, you chowder-head yokel, you blithering hayseed — you've had enough of me?

Sheriff Truman

Yes I have. [Punches Albert in face]

Albert Rosenfield

The old rustic sucker-punch, huh? [calling after Truman] A hail of bullets would be nice!

That's enough! The sheriff didn't mean anything.

Albert Rosenfield

He hit me!

Well, I'm sure he meant to do that.

Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. It could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair or two cups of good hot black coffee. Like this.

Sheriff Truman

A present? Like Christmas?

[Taking a sip] Ah, man that hits the spot. Nothing like a great cup of black coffee.

It was her you see. The necklace, a divided heart. Laura was, in fact... well she was living a double life. Two people. Yeah, but then, then when I saw her that last time she, I don't know, she seemed to have reached a kind of peace with herself. Now I believe that what she had in fact arrived at was a decision to end her life.

Sheriff Truman

Are you saying Laura wanted to die?

Doctor, Laura Palmer did not commit suicide.

No, no, but maybe she allowed herself to be killed.

Sheriff Truman

Lucy, you'd better bring Agent Cooper up to date.

Lucy Moran

Leo Johnson was shot, Jacques Renault was strangled, the mill burned, Shelley and Pete got smoke inhalation, Catherine and Josie are missing, Nadine is in a coma from taking sleeping pills.

How long have I been out?

Sheriff Truman

Six hours.

Laura Palmer is dead. Jacques Renault is dead. Ronette Pulaski and Leo Johnson are in comas. Waldo the bird is dead. This leaves only the third man.

Harry, when Albert finishes up at the Great Northern we'll meet back at the station. I'm ready to lay the whole thing out.

Sheriff Truman

Rocks and bottles?

Chalk and blackboard will be just fine.

Sheriff Truman

Jelly donuts?

Harry, that goes without saying.

Sheriff Truman

Lucy, you'd better bring Agent Cooper up to date.

Lucy Moran

Leo Johnson was shot, Jacques Renault was strangled, the mill burned, Shelley and Pete got smoke inhalation, Catherine and Josie are missing, Nadine is in a coma from taking sleeping pills.

How long have I been out?

It’s 7:45 in the morning. We haven’t had this much action in one night since the Elks Club fire of ‘59.

Sheriff Truman

So, what did this giant sound like, huh? I mean, did he have a big, booming voice or what?

No, no! He spoke softly, distinctly.

Albert Rosenfield

And you gave him the beans you were supposed to use to buy a cow.

No, Albert! I gave him my ring.

Albert Rosenfield

Okay. Uh, confining my conclusions to the planet Earth...

Sheriff Truman

Anything we should be working on?

Albert Rosenfield

Yeah. You might practice walking without dragging your knuckles on the floor. Heh heh heh.

Sheriff Truman

Albert! Let's talk about knuckles. The last time I knocked you down, I felt bad about it, the next time's gonna be a real pleasure.

Albert Rosenfield

You listen to me. While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the fact is that I am a naysayer and hatchet-man in the fight against violence. I pride myself in taking a punch and I'll gladly take another because I choose to live my life in the company of Gandhi and King. My concerns are global. I reject absolutely: revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method... is love. I love you Sheriff Truman.

Albert's path is a strange and difficult one.