Allen Shapiro quotes from Torchwood

Rex

Gwen Cooper's proven herself to be extremely useful. I think it's worth keeping her on our side.

Shapiro

Did you sleep with her?

Gwen

[outraged] Pardon me?!

Shapiro

Because most women that bitter you've slept with.

Shapiro

So, these are the Torchwood clowns?

Gwen

Torchwood did more to piece this together than the entire CIA.

Shapiro

You're that English girl, Cooper...Have I got that right?

Gwen

No, I'm not English. And I'm not a girl.

Esther

Gwen, this is Allen Shapiro. Don't. Really, don't.

Gwen

Well, he's not scaring me. Hello.

Shapiro

I am sick of her already. Can we deport her? Let's deport her.

Jack

Hey, hey, hey, leave her alone.

Gwen

Don't you dare.

Rex

Don't touch her.

Gwen

Don't you dare.

Rex

Sorry, sir. With all due respect, Gwen Cooper's proven herself to be extremely useful. I think it's worth keeping her on our side.

Shapiro

Did you sleep with her?

Gwen

[outraged] Pardon me?!

Shapiro

Because most women that bitter, you've slept with. [to Esther] Did you make that mistake?

Esther

No. No, sir, I did not.

Shapiro

Esther Drummond. Rex said you did a good job out in the field.

Esther

Thank you, sir.

Shapiro

In my opinion you deserted your post. I'm docking your pay. [to Jack] And what is it with you, Red Baron? You got Snoopy up your ass?

Gwen

[snorts] That's funny.

Jack

While you're wasting time, Mister Shapiro, we've got the names of the people who are responsible for causing the Miracle. I suggest we get to work.

Shapiro

Torchwood is going to work for the CIA?

Jack

I think the CIA can work for Torchwood, if you're lucky.

Shapiro

We've got a plane ready and waiting twenty minutes away. The sooner we pool our resources, the sooner we can end this thing. All right, let's go. Everybody out.

Jack

What about him (Angelo)? We've got a very sick man here.

Shapiro

Didn't you read the news? Nobody dies. Now, there's a nurse around here somewhere. You got two minutes. Don't leave them alone. [leaves]

Gwen

Jack...did we just join the CIA?

Jack

I think we did.

Shapiro

How? Only him, no one else. The only man in the whole wide world to die. The Miracle continues minus Mr Colasanto. So how did he do it? We've taken the body for autopsy. Any idea what we're gonna find?

Jack

I don't know. We should go.

Shapiro

No, no, no, no. Nobody is leaving. This house is secure.

Jack

It's not a crime scene.

Shapiro

Are you sure about that? Dying of old age can now be considered a crime. Something happened here, and we are going to search this place for every last bit of information. And nobody is going to leave until we know exactly what happened. So you can stay just where you are, Captain.

Gwen

I'm sorry.

Jack

Yeah.

Gwen

And you really don't know what happened to him? What is it, Jack? Come on, what's wrong? Are we in trouble?

Jack

Yes.

Gwen

We're in trouble because he died?

Jack

Yeah.

Gwen

But why?