Jack Harkness quotes from Torchwood

Ianto

Heh, he thought we were a couple, he said 'You two', the way he said it 'You two'.

Jack

Well we are, does it matter?

Gwen

Who's back?

Jack

What's he doing?

Ianto

Waiting, just like you said. He's been there 20 minutes.

Jack

Persistent.

Ianto

Good sign.

Jack

Dogmatic.

Ianto

Always a plus.

Gwen

Oh, Christ, never work with a couple, you two talk like twins!

Jack

Ianto! We're having a baby.

Ianto

Congratulations. Is now a good time to tell you I lost the car?

Jack

You did what?!

Jack

Whoa! [pushes a filling cabinet off of him] What happened? Was it the Rift? [runs out of his office] Gwen? Ianto? You okay?

Ianto

No broken bones. Slight loss of dignity. No change there, then.

Gwen

The whole city must have felt that! All of South Wales!

Jack

I'm gonna take a look outside! [leaves]

Ianto

[looks at a computer screen, stunned] Little bit bigger than South Wales.

[on TV screen] D'you know what? I look up, and there's all these moons and things- Have you seen them? Did you see them? [sounds of an audience agreeing] I thought, what was I drinking last night? Furnisher polish? [Ianto laughs]

Jack

[disaprovingly] Ianto! Time and a place!

Ianto

Eh...It is funny, though.

Jack

Gwen, come and see!

Gwen

[on her phone] Rhys, I have no idea. Just...stay indoors. And I need you to phone my mother. Tell her, oh I dunno, tell her to take her pills and go to sleep. I'm gonna come home as soon as I can. I promise. I love you, you big idiot. [hangs up, then joins Jack and Ianto]

Jack

Someone's established an artificial atmospheric shell. Keeping the air and holding in the heat.

Ianto

Whoever's done this wants the human race alive- that's a plus. Twenty-seven planets, including the Earth.

Gwen

No, but what's that? [indicates a red dot on the screen] That's not a planet!

Gwen

Three thousand miles, and closing...but who are they?! [Jack's phone rings. He answers]

Jack

Martha Jones, voice of a nightingale...Tell me you put something in my drink.

Martha

No such luck. Have you heard from the Doctor?

Jack

Not a word. Where are you?

Martha

New York.

Jack

Huh. Nice for some...

Martha

I've been promoted; Medical Director on Project Indigo.

Jack

Did you get that thing working?

Martha

[surprised] Indigo's top secret, no one's supposed to know about that.

Jack

I... met a soldier in a bar. [Ianto looks at him] Long story.

Ianto

[sharply] When was that?

Jack

[to Ianto, firmly] Strictly professional.

Gwen

Fifteen hundred miles, boys, and accelerating. They're almost here.

Jack

Where the hell have you been?! Doctor, it's the Daleks!

Gwen

He's a bit nice, I thought he'd be older.

Ianto

He's not that young...

Torchwood Hub, this is the Doctor! Are you receiving me?

Gwen

Loud and clear. Is Jack there?

Can't get rid of him! [frowns] Jack, what's her name?

Jack

Gwen Cooper.

Tell me, Gwen Cooper, are you from an old Cardiff family?

Gwen

Yes. All the way to the 1800s.

Ah, thought so! [to Rose] Spatial genetic multiplicity.

[delighted] Oh yeah!

Yeah. Yeah, funny old world. Now Torchwood, I want you open up that Rift Manipulator, and send all the power to me.

Ianto

Doing it now, sir.

Gwen

What's that for?

It's a tow rope!