I've got a spare outboard.
You are joking.
I have. How much will you give me?
A million pounds!
A million?
And a leg, take your pick! Either leg! [Jeremy hands him the tiny 4.5hp motor he was originally recommended] Oh, yes! Now what do I do?
“May 21st, 2006” · Season 8, Episode 3
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (21), Richard Hammond (14), James May (10)
Hammond, how much?
For what?
A lift.
I'll give you a million quid, or this bucket.
Jeremy?
Yes?
I've come up with a problem.
[realising Richard's bucket has holes in it]
You have... you owe me a million pounds!
Avast, land lubbers!
Rise Toybota!
[to Richard and Jeremy at the end of the challenge] Chaps...one observation I might have. Sailing: REALLY boring!
[after the amphibious car challenge]
It's a fair victory. It's not like I'm a sore loser or anything... it's just that, for going home tonight, James won't be using the Herald [points to the Triumph Herald] because the clutch has gone. Richard won't be using that [points to the "Dampervan"] because it was ruined in the accident. Whereas, because I bought a Hilux [points at Toybota] - and, as we know, from here [indicates the Hilux] - they are indestructible, I shall be driving this home! So, um...
Yes, alright.
Yes, thank you all very much for watching. It's been a...[Clarkson gets in and tries to start it, but fails, to much ridicule from Hammond and May]
Oh ha ha ha! You have broken the 'indestructible'... ha ha ha. It's not working.
[Richard and James listen to the engine]
BBoth
No it isn't.
...And on that bombshell, it's time to end the show. Thanks very much for watching. [Jeremy "facepalms" on the steering wheel out of embarrassment] Goodnight!
[during the news]
My daughter is five years old, she loves cleaning the car with me. We share it.
Oh, do you live in a yoghurt commercial?
Look, anyone who washes their car has a small mind, or is in an unhappy marriage!
[during the news]
[Talking about digital displays on the sides of roads] Those displays aren't always true, like the microwave in my mate's kitchen. It says "Enjoy your meal" when you get something out. But I won't if it's my pants...
[The other two start ridiculing him for supposedly having no pants on in his mate's kitchen]
[during the news]
The only thing I keep in my car is a little paintbrush for cleaning dust out of the switches.
You're scaring me, mate...
And I always like to have the air vents lined up so they're really completely symmetrical.
Stop talking now!
And if anybody moves them... I get really angry.
(to Jeremy) Does genuinely scare me.
[during the news, while talking about Top Gear Dog's new "doggles"]
Those aren't doggles, they're goggles with the G crossed out and replaced with a D.
[still during the news]
Now, we get loads of...er, letters on this show, very angry ones from people who say we don't do enough, em, affordable cars, you know, family cars. One particularly angry caller last week rang the BBC duty log saying we were a disgrace, well, Mr. Needham, check this out...[a picture of the Vauxhall Corsa appears on the TV screen] That is the new Vauxhall Corsa! [3 seconds later] And, er, moving on now...[audience dissolves into laughter]
[During the Cool Wall, talking about the Koenigsegg CCX.]
If you go though the Pearly Gates, backwards, in a fireball, that's a cool way to die!
I love that vision of just blasting through the gates, backwards, in a flaming Swedish supercar! "Yes! I'm here! Where are the women?"
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.