[During the opening sequence.]
On tonight's Top Gear: Jamie Oliver's meals on wheels; A German sledgehammer in a velvet bag; And which is the fastest political party?
“May 18th, 2003” · Season 2, Episode 2
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (3), Richard Hammond (3), James May (2)
[during the news]
I was driving through East London this week and I got shot. OK? Now the thing -
Eh?!
I was shot.
At last!
Well, they didn't hit me, but they hit the car - no, honestly, the windscreen. So now I've got -
What with?
[casually] An AK-47.
[on Jeremy being told by his auto glass repair people that his Mercedes-Benz had to stay at their shop overnight so the glue on his replacement windscreen could set]
Did they by any chance try telling you that the glue will set better if it's left parked outside a nightclub all night, maybe?
[on the Lexus LS300's colour rear-view video camera]
You have to get a more expensive television licence to reverse that car.
[on the English translation of an early 1970s Datsun owner's manual]
And then in the index, under "H", it's got "How to open the bonnet".
I had a good one with Daihatsu. They once flew me first-class, before I was working for the BBC, they flew me first-class all the way to Japan, via Hong Kong, and then back through Maui and San Francisco. And I arrived in Japan to drive their new Charade - this was, oh, I don't know, late '80s. I did half a lap of the track and crashed it!
Oh, well done! Well done!
And the guy said, "Oh, don't worry. We make one every 23 seconds."
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.