A scene from “Last Noelle”

[talking about a Christmas fight in which he locked his girlfriend out of the house]

When all of the sudden there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the couch to see what was a matter.

I went to the window and tore open the blinds,

And there was my girlfriend, quite out of her mind!

And I was just standing there, heart pounding with fear,

She was bangin' on the glass door with a vodka bottle…filled just 'bout to here.

And I knew the window couldn't take it.

As she screamed, "Unlock it, you bastard, or, I swear, I'll break it!"

Well, I couldn't do that; it was a rented place.

So I opened the door, and she punched me in the face!

And I summoned my manhood from bottom to top,

And I screamed like a little girl…"I'M CALLING THE COPS!"