JWJanet Wood
[to Jack] Let's get one thing straight first. This is your room. That is our room. One false move and we take you right to the vet.
S1 E1Man About the House
SRStanley Roper
Are you crazy, moving in with two girls? Not in my building, you don't!
JTJack Tripper
Wait a minute, it'd be strictly platonic.
SRStanley Roper
Well, I don't care what it is. [pause] What does that mean?
HRHelen Roper
Like you and me, Stanley.
Sorry to barge in on you again like this, but me and the wife are having a little disagreement about a certain matter of, uh... [coughs] sex.
CSChrissy Snow
You wanna borrow a book?
S1 E2And Mother Makes Four
You can't sit here while we get undressed.
Oh, I'm sorry. Will the view be better if I stand? [hiccups]
[shooing him out] Go cure your hiccups.
Whatever happened to the sexual revolution?
Your side lost.
[about Chrissy] Everywhere you look, she's a girl.
What am I, a gorilla?
No, no. You're very... bright.
Oh. More like a chimp?
S1 E3Roper's Niece
RMrs. Roper
Stanley, will you stop that pacing and come to bed?
I'm not sleepy.
RMrs. Roper
That's the best time to come to bed.
You know, Chrissy, there was something about that Karen that I didn't like.
She's a very beautiful girl.
That was it.
S1 E4No Children, No Dogs
[after leaving the puppy at the Ropers] Well, she has a parakeet, and I figure anyone that loves parakeets must love dogs.
What about Mr. Roper?
Well I guess she loves him too, otherwise she would have left him a long time ago.
Now, Chrissy, what's making you walk in your sleep this time? Chrissy, what's bothering you? What... Chrissy! What?
Oh, it must be Mr. Rogers. His secretary's out sick and I'm substituting for her this week.
Oh, is he giving you a rough time?
Oh, I just can't keep up with him!
He dictates too fast?
It's not his dictation, it's his hands. The girls in the office call him Christopher Columbus.
What?
The explorer.
S1 E5Jack the Giant Killer
You know Jack did the right thing. Fighting is uncivilized. You know, if women ran the world, there'd be none of these stupid wars.
Yeah, all the countries would nag each other to death.
Hey, how come we get the Sunday paper delivered? We don't have a subscription.
Oh, I don't know, I heard it land on the front balcony this morning, so I went out and got it. Ah, you know, that paper boy was so thoughtful, he waited for me to bend over and pick it up before he rode away.
S1 E6It's Only Money
What are we gonna do about the rent? We can't go on avoiding Roper forever.
What about that boss of yours? The one that's always chasing you around. Think you can get an advance out of him?
Only if I let him catch me.
We all make mistakes.
RMrs. Roper
Don't put yourself down, Stanley; you do it better than anyone.
S1 E7Ground Rules
Oh, gee, Chrissy, I hope you don't have that same problem I had last week with Bob.
What problem?
Well, he kept looking for a parking place for his hand.
Ugh. When will a guy realize that when a girl says no she really means no?
Right.
Except when she means maybe.
[realizes Jack is flirting with Veronica] Oh, am I interrupting something?
I hope so!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Three's Company pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.