This Movie Sucks! Season 1 quotes

Before we go any further, we should clarify the point of the show. There are movies that suck, then there are movies that suck!

In short: Yes, this a shit hole, but it is our shit hole!

On the brighter side, we are coming to you from a studio with a proud history of classic TV.

In fact, they've shared some of that heritage with us by leaving us a coffee maker from The Hilarious House of Frightenstein. In fact, it's the same coffee. Feel free to drink it, but sign the waiver first.

If we drink it do we dance like Igor all psychedelic?

Actually no, you just end up spasming from toxic shock.

Freeze! Did he just talk fondly of slavery?

Yeah.

All right, just wanted to make sure it wasn't me. Roll it!

That's not cola, that's the colour of the water there.

Great dinner conversation, smallpox.

Like every good movie house, we have a concession stand. Right over there.

You mean the vending machines?

Yeah, the vending machines are our concession stand.

Wasn't that in the lobby earlier?

It was doing no good there.

Ed, did you steal them from the lobby?

I borrowed it.

Where did you learn to do that, prison?

What?

I don't know, that's always a funny thing to ask somebody.

No, no it's not. I just made it up.

You know they make wine in prison!

So as the first scene ended, the old man fired Barney, the plantation manager. Barney likes to think that's because he has been romancing the man's wife. He doesn't think its because of the fact he screws off mid-afternoon and lets his workers die.

And doesn't care.

And has sex with one of the employees under-age daughter. He doesn't think that ought to be a firing condition.

Well, that's the pretence we are using. The real reason is we actually shot one of these episodes in studio, but it blows, so we are out here trying to save our asses. Its a bit of a "Hail Mary" play, we hope it works. If not, next week who knows what the hell will be on this timeslot.

First of all, what did these evolve from? Stop lights? And what kind of use is a robot with no fingers! And what evolutionary process would favour the creation of giant non-aquatic starfish? And why are they swaying like Tina Turner's backup dancers? Why are they wearing lamps on their head? Sorry, someone has to ask these questions!

He is the actor known as "embarrassed".

Okay, for those of you out there running for your science books, let me save you the trouble. No, there is no air in space, so no, his wings shouldn't be flapping.

Right, now what's he doing? He's wreaking their clothesline! That's going to piss 'em off!

Well, did we lie to you? This movie sucks!

On his way to Earth, he stops on an enemy star base to fuck with their clothesline, causing the men inside to fall the opposite direction of the ships tilt. I'm no scientist, but I'm pretty sure that that does not make sense.