I'm not cooking Vyvyan. I'm just trying to nail the plates to the table.
Neil, is it really necessary to nail the plates to the table? I mean what happens when we wanna play Monopoly? Go directly to plate! Do not pass plate nailed to the table by a stupid hippie.
No guys, guys you don't understand. I've got something well scary to lay on you ok, so like sit down.
What do you mean sit down? There's only one chair, do you expect us all to put our bottoms on that and catch horrible diseases off each other?
That's not important Rick.
Well, I think it is rather important actually, I happen to be rather attached to my bottom.
Well, I've got a couple of seats in my car.
All right we'll have to use them then.
No, they're attached. I mean, you sit in them while your driving. I suppose I could drive the whole car in?
No no no better idea, we'll go out there!
Ah ha! (Vyvyan and Rick start to walk outside)
No, wait guys guys, what about my scary story?
Oh that's true we won't be able to hear Neil from out there!
Oh well you'll just have to make us a tape Neil.
No, that's no good, my cassette's bust!
Oh then you'll just have to come out there with us.
No, good either i've only got two seats.
I could go in the boot?
No, no Neil cause if you so much as touch my car I'm gonna kill you! Remember?
Oh right yeah.
Neil? (Whispers in Neils ear)
Oh yeah right great idea Mike. Er guys i've got something well scary to lay on you OK, so like squat down.
Brilliant!
Squatting, right on, youth control, no rent.
Well... (Rick interrupts him)
Neil, is it my imagination or has this table shrunk?
That's what I've been trying to tell you for the last ten minutes right. Strange things keep happening, furniture keeps disappearing, plates keep moving about the place and last night, I found, my guitar, on the fire. Do you know what this means?
Yeah, it means.. (Neil stops them)
No! Yeah! It means we've got a polterghoost!!
Don't be stupid Neil, there's no such thing.
Yeah don't be such a spasmo Neil, theres a perfectly good explanation for any phenonemon you might encounter.
Oh yeah well how do you explain the table shrinking then?
Er...
Erm well, I did that actually, like this [pulls out a chain saw and cuts off all the legs of the chair Mike is sitting on.] See! Corr, Mike's floating!! How's that done then?
Arrggghhh!! Get a priest! Get a Vicar! I believe in God!
Never mind a priest, call an ambulance!
Why, Mike?
I've just nailed my legs to the table!
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