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S1

The West Wing · Season 1

Charlie, Guy 2 and others in “Mr. Willis of Ohio”

[at a Georgetown bar] Is everything all right, Zoey?

G2Guy 2

Hey. He just called her Zoey.

Come on, let's go back to the table.

G1Guy 1

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. What's up Sammy?

Zoey?

[Zoey moves towards Charlie and the guys block her]

G1Guy 1

Excuse me. Excuse me. We're just trying to buy the girl a drink, man.

She's 19 years old man. You'd have to take her to Maryland.

G3Guy 3

Check out Super Fly.

Hey!

Let's go.

G1Guy 1

No. Why don't you go? Alright?

Look guys. You don't know who this is. You don't want any trouble. Just be cool, alright?

G1Guy 1

Be cool.

Yeah. I'm just saying, I'm looking out for you.

G1Guy 1

I understand what you're saying. You just want me to be cool, alright?

Can I buy you guys a round?

G3Guy 3

Like LL Cool J man, like Ice-T.

G2Guy 2

Ice cube, Ice tray man.

...

G1Guy 1

Why don't you do some of that hip-hop for us G-Funk?

G2Guy 2

Dr. Huffy Puffy dread man, Dr Dolittle Man?

Would you let us by please?

G1Guy 1

No. What are you doing here with this girl? Huh? Huh? Cause you know what, to me you look to be Dr. Faggot!

[coming up from behind] Hey! What the hell is going on around here?

G1Guy 1

Who the hell are you?

Kiss my ass. Zoey?

I'm fine.

G1Guy 1

Kiss your what, Fairy Poppins?

Charlie?

Everything's fine.

G1Guy 1

Hey, you want to go?

What?

G1Guy 1

You want to go? Let's do it. Right now. Come on.

[coming up from behind Charlie] How's everybody doin'?

G1Guy 1

Oh good, more fairy boys.

Excuse me?

G1Guy 1

I said, more fairy boys.

Oh, this is too good to be true.

[Mallory and C.J. come up behind Josh and Sam]

G2Guy 2

[indicating Josh] Hey, I recognize this guy. [indicating Zoey] And she looks familiar too.

[Pressing Zoey's panic button] Yeah. You guys don't realize it, but you're having a pretty bad night.

G1Guy 1

[Sarcastic and aggressive] Oh really - and who's gonna give it to us, huh?

[The door slams open and Secret Service agents burst in]

AAgent

Federal agents!

[Josh and Sam raise their arms and point at the three guys]

SJSam and Josh

Right here!

[The agents grab the startled and protesting guys and force them head-first onto the bar whilst one grabs Zoey and guides her out protectively]

AAgent

Shut up! I swear to God I'll blow your head off. Everybody stand back.

G1Guy 1

[to Charlie] Hey, I ain't done with you, Sammy.

My name is Charlie Young, jackass. And if that bulge in your pocket's an 8-ball of blow, you'll be spending Spring Break in a federal prison. [to Josh] Now I'm having a good time.

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